honestly, all of you can be inspiring, so be that. tonight i talked to two people that have an effect on me. one, i talk to ALL the time and the other, we talk in forbidden spaces, in crowded bars, midnight phone calls or instant messaging where the hidden messages never hit us instantly. so tonight has been a dichotomy of conversations for me. my mind has hit both extremes, entertaining the constant and evaluating the rare form of angels mimicked in conversation. the first conversation is always interrupted by laughter. there are more giggles than words but when words do come out, the arrangement parallels the world's finest orchestra. and i don't even know how we do it, until it's done.
marriage is a habit and people don't practice it. i take dating very seriously. at least, when i'm dating, i do. otherwise, i'm just talking about it like it's another class i paid for, but find every excuse not to show up for. i feel like being monogamous, honest or timely are habits that we have to begin and then reinforce. these things don't happen because of titles or newly acquired responsibilities. they happen because we work for it. and when someone tells you they're not ready for the job, no matter what the benefits are, they're simply not ready and they will f.ck it up. so my partner in crime, or rather my partner in conversation told me that, when i say things like that, they are monumental, wise beyond my years. which only got me to thinking, maybe i've been here before and whatever i went through, brought me back so maybe this time, instead of just recognizing my wisdom, i've got to use it. the anonymous partner in conversation also said that i use this blog to achieve intimacy without adding names on the walls of my vagina. ok he didn't exactly say that but he kinda did. and he's absolutely right. i've never glorified this blog and i don't plan to. no matter how comfortable i get with this gift of writing, it's always a little awkward when you take off your clothes in front of another person and that's what i do with almost every entry. i give you pages out of my diary if i had one. and i really don't know why. it's probably because i know a lot of people who have a fear of being alone and/or lonely. i get it. it's necessary for us as humans to interact and with so many people in this world, not every interaction is genuine, positive, endearing or uplifting. it's like we just bounce off of one another like bumper cars. but here or wherever you are, you and i are engaging in an intimate moment in the comfort of your own skin. you get to read me without feeling rejected, nervous or awkward. you are not alone. somewhere, i'm on the other end of this internet connection connecting with you. i know what alone/lonely feels like, especially in a room full of people. and i know that half those f.cking people are going through the same thing so why wouldn't we have a conversation about it? why wouldn't we talk about broken hearts, sexual assault, betrayal, friendship, first loves, racism, religion? why? because strong has always been more appealing than vulnerable. and i see your comments, i read them over and over and over again. most times, i choose not to reply because i don't ever want to leave someone out and if i open the floodgates, the water will come. but i read them and i let your words run through me like my first kiss on a city sidewalk. i let your thoughts encourage me to encourage someone else. and i let your inspiration manifest itself into something we can all feel. i sort of went on a tangent leaving my conversation behind but the moral of the story is that, the conversations i have in parked cars are just like the conversations i write about every day, they are intimate, they are informative but most of all, they are your words and that in itself in inspiring to say the least.
as for my second conversation for the evening, well, i just had to exhale deeply. he's one of my favorite people in my world. but we don't talk often. sometimes unfinished stories are better left as drafts because the hope that it will be great is better than the reality that it might not. like i said earlier, every time i talk to him, it's like i'm stealing moments of time. it's like finding a two hundred year old book in a dusty cupboard and trying to read everything you can before it becomes a display in some museum your third grade class forces you to visit. he's inspiring in a few sentences but what i like most about him is his complete acceptance of his dismay, even if it is with me. he never pretends that talking to me is easy if it's not, yet and still he doesn't cross the line of friendship we've now created. he balances well. one of my favorite lessons that he taught me was the idea of second chances. now that seems simple enough, but i've always been a one hitter quitter. when i'm done, i'm done and i never look back. but he taught me that humans not only need second chances, but they'll probably need a few more. he has a way of making the unloveable worthy to be loved again. and i'm nowhere as forgiving as he is, but at least i know that it's a possibility. but he's calm and deep like still waters. and his voice is like christmas morning in the islands, warm. sometimes, i feel like i've failed him by not reminding him how the world needs more people like him around. i feel like i don't tell him enough how amazing his heart is. and so i told him tonight, 'you are an unfinished story. one of my favorite stories that i have to pause because enjoying it so much feels like a sin. you are a novel in a time where everything is quick and fast, spoon fed through technology. i flip through your pages like each one is highlighted with a commandment that will bring me to the gates of heaven. you teach me. and i take you in like oxygen because i remember the times you breathed me. you are significant and righteous. you are like the successor to a line of kings, your words are royal and your bloodline will only be epic.' that's a lot to say to one person but when you don't talk for ages, sometimes you have to come to terms with 'if this is the last thing i say to you, then i hope these words can be the wings that take you wherever you're going.'
what i have learned tonight is that humanity can be divine if we could only tap into it. we are beautiful creatures that do ugly things. and this free will that we were given has only trapped us into emotions we can't describe and actions we can't be proud of. i also learned that we spend way too much time trying to feel these 'butterflies' without ever pausing to think that they were first caterpillars awaiting the metamorphosis of life. no matter how long it takes, they wait. they wait for their wings. then and only then, do they fly.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
we can't be friends
today is one of those days, where the sound of betrayal feels too familiar and it seems to play itself like someone downloaded it onto my ipod. there i am shuffling back and forth between motives, emotions and behavioral science.
i've been an advocate for remaining friends after a break up, even the messy ones, given that enough time has passed. i have never apologized for taking my space, changing my number and passing you by in the street if it meant that my heart would make it out of my mind's ICU. i believe that recovery is the best thing we can do for ourselves. whether it's laughter, martinis or just laying in the bed you once shared with the same person that has you crying in it, taking time to heal is necessary. but when that time is over and you play the role of the platonic ex with the best sex ever, you will find that friendship is a foundation for lovers, not a band-aid. we cannot try to hide a scar with the very thing that brought us to the wound itself. trying to be friends after being lovers, especially scorned lovers is something that your mind signed up for without your heart's permission. how can we be friends if honesty is an option? and why is honesty an option? because even though, i'm your friend, you know it would disappoint me if you told me you moved on or went on a three day vacay with the new girl like we once did. in trying to spare feelings that friends shouldn't have, we end up in a vicious cycle, balancing back and forth between the lesser of two evils...be responsible for breaking her heart then or possibly reopening the wound. so instead, this friendship is full of omission and half-truths to protect the ex that is disguised as a friend. and we all know that protection of any kind is on 99.97% guaranteed to work, leaving a small percentage of this whole 'good intentions, bad deeds' episode to f.ck up anyway and give birth to some sh.t we're not even ready for, like we ever are.
needless to say, friends and once - lovers are like water and oil. they can co-exist but will they ever be one?
needless to say, friends and once - lovers are like water and oil. they can co-exist but will they ever be one?
whip my hair
willow smith has recently put out her new single, Whip My Hair. it's cute. anyway, she's nine years old and has everyone up in a frenzy about her age and being in the entertainment industry. with parents, will and jada smith, could you really imagine her doing anything else? as a child, i needed my parents to support my dreams. as a parent, i'm not sure that i would be willing to put my child in an industry that can be so cruel. the media is invasive and critical. it's hard to deal with that as an adult when you're aware of who you are, much less as a child struggling to get there. from what i've seen, i think that the smith family structure is extremely supportive as well as protective. i can only hope for the best with any child and i hope everyone else does too.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
day 4 challenge
habit i wish i didn't have:
habit i wish i didn’t have. i wish i didn’t procrastinate. like i had all day to do this challenge but i waited till 11pm. that’s just the type of sh.t i’m on.
habit i wish i didn’t have. i wish i didn’t procrastinate. like i had all day to do this challenge but i waited till 11pm. that’s just the type of sh.t i’m on.
this love affair with music
who are your favorite singers/rappers?
i talked about this before but only briefly. i didn't really take a moment to dissect the art that i claim to treasure so much. music has always been a little different for me. i played the piano for eight years so my ears pick up way more than rhyme schemes. i hear cadences and b flats, i hear chords, saxophones, cymbals. i feel like i can hear the pulse of a song even when i'm not searching for it. this exposure to the insides of a melody makes it hard for me to like just anything. my ears demand more than mainstream, they demand a respect for the craft of music, for the fingers that pound into the ivory of the keys, for the lips that kiss the saxophone so long that the burning in someone's cheeks feels like butterflies. i'm as demanding to my music as i am to my lover. we have to go so deep that our hearts beats like drums, because honestly making love is the equivalent of a messy melody. someone has to hear us and when they do, it has to be so distinct, that they can't remember what life was like before those sounds.
because the person who asked me this question is admirable because of his own respect for his craft i'm divulging all my senses to answer his question. as per his blog, i'm listening to John Legend and the Roots' new single Let It Shine on repeat. it's one of those songs where i can hear the piano, the trumpet, the cymbals, the snare drum and the vocals. in combination, the title of the song makes sense - in music and in love, LET IT SHINE.
i can start with singers since i can bring them anywhere. sometimes with a four year old, i just can't let tupac rock. my first musical memories are whitney, before bobby, mariah before nick, celine dion before she could speak english and toni braxton. whitney, i've always been a fan of her. she always reminded me of my older sister who i wanted to be like so bad, until i realized i was. but what i genuinely love about whitney, mariah and celine dion was their ability to sound the same on a cd as they did in person. their talent never needed accompaniment. as a little girl, their performances taught me that a woman should never be afraid to stand alone and if she had to, she must be as fabulous as if there were a whole orchestra behind her.
celine dion taught me how to love. her feature with frank sinatra - 'all the way' will always be the song i want played at my wedding. and what's so ironic is that she recorded her vocals after mr. sinatra passed away which only reinforced the idea that celine will love you to a point that not even death could part. and it only reflected in her real life when her husband of now sixteen years was diagnosed with throat cancer and she halted her career to be by his side.
toni taught me five things about relationships. 1. it's ok to love and be vulgar about it [i love me some him, how many ways] 2. it's ok to be mad. [love shoulda brought you home, seven days, another sad love song, there's no me without you, unbreak my heart, in the late of the night] 3. it's ok to have expectations from your partner and be disappointed when they don't meet them [talking in his sleep, just be a man about it, he wasn't man enough] 4. it's ok to leave [breathe again, i don't want to] when 2 and 3 occur and 5. it was probably because of a white woman [how could an angel break my heart]. and if you went to see her perform in the Broadway musical, Aida, consider yourself favored by the stars above.
whitney. oh whitney. my favorite. whitney taught me that it was never ok to just be skinny and beautiful, b.tch have a talent. she never settled. she never stopped working. and even when her talents were divine, she never stopped being human [still had a battle with cocaine, that we're not sure she won yet]. she's just so real even when she's wrong. i have so many favorites from her but saving all my love for you is probably in the number one spot. the song is about her in love with someone's else's man. again, being pretty and skinny doesn't guarantee anything. have a purpose, even if it is 'making love the whole night through.'
and mariah carey can sing seven out of the eight octaves on a piano, actually so can the rest of the women i already mentioned. but one thing about mariah is that you could always hear how happy she was when she was singing. it's one thing to respect your craft but it's a beautiful thing when you enjoy it. i imagined that losing my virginity would reflect the lyrics of her hit song, 'my all.' it didn't but i still love the song.
lauryn hill was not included above only because of the generational difference but we all should know that she is a walking legend whose life interrupted her career or maybe her career interrupted her life. either way, what's an ipod without the 'miseducation of lauryn hill.' every mom loves the song 'zion' but 'forgive them father' is my life's work. and don't forget her unplugged performance. i walk around with her lyrics in my mind like a Bible in my hand.
mary j blige. all the money in the world and she's still mary. i don't know how many people can turn struggle into a melody, in nine studio albums. she said 'i'm going down' but did she really?
i went through puberty with monica, aaliyah and craig david, my first break up with heather headley and vivian green. john legend and anthony hamilton brought me through those relationships. in high school, i adored alicia keys, still do. also had an unplugged moment on mtv. sade, corrine bailey rae, adele and amy winehouse get me through these writing spells. beyonce has been a growing favorite for some time although i usually get blindsided by the glitz and the glamour. but little sister, solange, well i would marry her. john mayer can play all day through my speakers. raul midon, after seeing him on jay leno one late night, has been a favorite since. definitely saw lyfe jennings on the apollo and haven't taken my eye off of him either. maxwell has all those instruments i love. i fell in love with melanie fiona, i wish everybody else would notice her gift. beres hammond has been a favorite probably because i'm west indian, and love sounds different in our accent. amel larrieux, usher, chrisette michele all are so vulnerable. who doesn't love that? and i definitely can't forget luther vandross, playing through the speakers of my dad's white chevrolet. hmm. yes luther. oh and i get it, chris brown knocked that girl around but music and morality sometimes have nothing to do with one another. that young man is talented and his career will last longer than any bruise.
as for rappers, oh man. i was born in the south bronx, raised in the south bronx [mostly], hip hop is like my older sister, all six of them. it's always doing something different but the blood runs through its veins so either way, it's all the same. hip hop used to scare my mother, she was used to steel pans and sunshine and hip hop was all about gunshots in the dark. i used to run the track back for her so she could pick up what the lyricist was saying but cliches don't sound the same in different dialects. but my relationship with rappers is a strained one. i spent every summer overseas so i missed the summer hits playing through boom boxes on the shoulders of men with dreams bigger than the hood itself. so when i returned in the fall for school, i was the absentee lover to hip hop. i had a lot of making up to do. but the first single i ever bought was 'it's all about the benjamins' with biggie, lil kim, the lox and of course diddy when he was puffy. i was so new to the game, my sister made my buy the edited version. do you know what that song did to me? first of all, when i was in kindergarten i asked my father for some lunch money, he gave me a $100 bill. so anytime i would ask for money, i would ask for it by the name of the face of the man who was on it. 'lemme hold a benji mommy.' can you imagine a little girl knowing the name of every president on the money she wanted? that was me so when this song came out, i knew it was for me. and lil kim talking about 'what the bloodclot, wanna bumble with the bee huh?' she knew my culture? she knew we existed? and even then i didn't learn to appreciate the queen bee till much later. i followed the bass of biggie's voice into Get Money, Hypnotize, Juicy, Who Shot Ya and my personal favorite, Warning. i can't deny that what biggie was saying was something i understood, guys on the block from sun up to sun down, girls running around. i got it. listening to him was like looking out my window. but for me, he got me with his delivery. his voice sounded intense ALL the time. you couldn't help but move your head to his vocals. it was like he was saying, whether you understand him or not, you're gonna listen. but then somehow, there's no way you can know biggie without knowing tupac. and though biggie is a favorite, i am a fan of tupac. with thug life tatted on him, 'the hate you gave little infants, f.ck everybody', tupac had a story, actually he had a lot of stories. complete with plot, characters and climaxes, every song tupac gave me felt like a novel. and as a writer, i respect biggies delivery but the endless content tupac brought was gritty, hopeful, it entertained nearly every aspect of life. Hail Mary. come on, 'i ain't a killa but don't push me.' isn't that the damn truth? tupac recognized humanity in us all. we can't all be drug dealers and we can't all be rappers but we can all be killers if the event called for it. i could go on forever about his talent and the relevance it has to life after him, but i'd rather tell you where he took me. any search for prophecy over a melody will lead you to nas. on a smaller scale i feel for nas like i feel for tupac which would only lead me to feel for jay-z like i do biggie. the only difference is that jay-z has had the opportunity to have more lyrical content than biggie. content that i enjoy. but nas. not even to compare the two, i am a fan of nas. my favorite song of his being 'rewind,' that man surely does have the gift of storytelling, even backwards. i have a special place in my heart for jay-z's 'meet the parents.' and because of who i've dated, i can spit hov lines with the best of em but i'd rather just kick back and throw on illmatic. somewhere between high school and college, i started having an affair with common and lupe fiasco. for common, his verse on 'retrospect for life' and on talib kweli's 'the truth,' his own song, 'testify' and his appearance on kid cudi's make her say remix, common is versatile, consistent and smart as hell. and lupe is a young man doing old things. i was sold on 'intruder alert' where each verse told a different story. i guess by now you know i love storytelling. and kanye was definitely one of the first cds i bought to break the hiatus i felt hip hop took when i was still in high school. i don't know anything about celebrity kanye but i know the kanye from 'college dropout' who evolved into '808s and heartbreak.' his mind is different and he makes no apologies for it, so yes i'm a fan of him too. and no i didn't forget about lil wayne. i'm deadass a fan. now granted, lil wayne is now a brand with a whole damn gang/band behind him but back when his locks were just growing out and he was growing up, i was with him. Fireman, 3 peat, 500 degreez, Shot to the Heart, i was there for all of it. listening to his voice change, and watching him change into skinny jeans, i was there. whether he's high or not, he shows up to work everyday and i love that.
now i'm sending prayers up to heaven hoping that i didn't miss anyone but i probably did. so instead, i'll send my humble apologies to the gods of music and to the artist(s) my brain couldn't remember. ::insert anxiety attack here::
i talked about this before but only briefly. i didn't really take a moment to dissect the art that i claim to treasure so much. music has always been a little different for me. i played the piano for eight years so my ears pick up way more than rhyme schemes. i hear cadences and b flats, i hear chords, saxophones, cymbals. i feel like i can hear the pulse of a song even when i'm not searching for it. this exposure to the insides of a melody makes it hard for me to like just anything. my ears demand more than mainstream, they demand a respect for the craft of music, for the fingers that pound into the ivory of the keys, for the lips that kiss the saxophone so long that the burning in someone's cheeks feels like butterflies. i'm as demanding to my music as i am to my lover. we have to go so deep that our hearts beats like drums, because honestly making love is the equivalent of a messy melody. someone has to hear us and when they do, it has to be so distinct, that they can't remember what life was like before those sounds.
because the person who asked me this question is admirable because of his own respect for his craft i'm divulging all my senses to answer his question. as per his blog, i'm listening to John Legend and the Roots' new single Let It Shine on repeat. it's one of those songs where i can hear the piano, the trumpet, the cymbals, the snare drum and the vocals. in combination, the title of the song makes sense - in music and in love, LET IT SHINE.
i can start with singers since i can bring them anywhere. sometimes with a four year old, i just can't let tupac rock. my first musical memories are whitney, before bobby, mariah before nick, celine dion before she could speak english and toni braxton. whitney, i've always been a fan of her. she always reminded me of my older sister who i wanted to be like so bad, until i realized i was. but what i genuinely love about whitney, mariah and celine dion was their ability to sound the same on a cd as they did in person. their talent never needed accompaniment. as a little girl, their performances taught me that a woman should never be afraid to stand alone and if she had to, she must be as fabulous as if there were a whole orchestra behind her.
celine dion taught me how to love. her feature with frank sinatra - 'all the way' will always be the song i want played at my wedding. and what's so ironic is that she recorded her vocals after mr. sinatra passed away which only reinforced the idea that celine will love you to a point that not even death could part. and it only reflected in her real life when her husband of now sixteen years was diagnosed with throat cancer and she halted her career to be by his side.
toni taught me five things about relationships. 1. it's ok to love and be vulgar about it [i love me some him, how many ways] 2. it's ok to be mad. [love shoulda brought you home, seven days, another sad love song, there's no me without you, unbreak my heart, in the late of the night] 3. it's ok to have expectations from your partner and be disappointed when they don't meet them [talking in his sleep, just be a man about it, he wasn't man enough] 4. it's ok to leave [breathe again, i don't want to] when 2 and 3 occur and 5. it was probably because of a white woman [how could an angel break my heart]. and if you went to see her perform in the Broadway musical, Aida, consider yourself favored by the stars above.
whitney. oh whitney. my favorite. whitney taught me that it was never ok to just be skinny and beautiful, b.tch have a talent. she never settled. she never stopped working. and even when her talents were divine, she never stopped being human [still had a battle with cocaine, that we're not sure she won yet]. she's just so real even when she's wrong. i have so many favorites from her but saving all my love for you is probably in the number one spot. the song is about her in love with someone's else's man. again, being pretty and skinny doesn't guarantee anything. have a purpose, even if it is 'making love the whole night through.'
and mariah carey can sing seven out of the eight octaves on a piano, actually so can the rest of the women i already mentioned. but one thing about mariah is that you could always hear how happy she was when she was singing. it's one thing to respect your craft but it's a beautiful thing when you enjoy it. i imagined that losing my virginity would reflect the lyrics of her hit song, 'my all.' it didn't but i still love the song.
lauryn hill was not included above only because of the generational difference but we all should know that she is a walking legend whose life interrupted her career or maybe her career interrupted her life. either way, what's an ipod without the 'miseducation of lauryn hill.' every mom loves the song 'zion' but 'forgive them father' is my life's work. and don't forget her unplugged performance. i walk around with her lyrics in my mind like a Bible in my hand.
mary j blige. all the money in the world and she's still mary. i don't know how many people can turn struggle into a melody, in nine studio albums. she said 'i'm going down' but did she really?
i went through puberty with monica, aaliyah and craig david, my first break up with heather headley and vivian green. john legend and anthony hamilton brought me through those relationships. in high school, i adored alicia keys, still do. also had an unplugged moment on mtv. sade, corrine bailey rae, adele and amy winehouse get me through these writing spells. beyonce has been a growing favorite for some time although i usually get blindsided by the glitz and the glamour. but little sister, solange, well i would marry her. john mayer can play all day through my speakers. raul midon, after seeing him on jay leno one late night, has been a favorite since. definitely saw lyfe jennings on the apollo and haven't taken my eye off of him either. maxwell has all those instruments i love. i fell in love with melanie fiona, i wish everybody else would notice her gift. beres hammond has been a favorite probably because i'm west indian, and love sounds different in our accent. amel larrieux, usher, chrisette michele all are so vulnerable. who doesn't love that? and i definitely can't forget luther vandross, playing through the speakers of my dad's white chevrolet. hmm. yes luther. oh and i get it, chris brown knocked that girl around but music and morality sometimes have nothing to do with one another. that young man is talented and his career will last longer than any bruise.
as for rappers, oh man. i was born in the south bronx, raised in the south bronx [mostly], hip hop is like my older sister, all six of them. it's always doing something different but the blood runs through its veins so either way, it's all the same. hip hop used to scare my mother, she was used to steel pans and sunshine and hip hop was all about gunshots in the dark. i used to run the track back for her so she could pick up what the lyricist was saying but cliches don't sound the same in different dialects. but my relationship with rappers is a strained one. i spent every summer overseas so i missed the summer hits playing through boom boxes on the shoulders of men with dreams bigger than the hood itself. so when i returned in the fall for school, i was the absentee lover to hip hop. i had a lot of making up to do. but the first single i ever bought was 'it's all about the benjamins' with biggie, lil kim, the lox and of course diddy when he was puffy. i was so new to the game, my sister made my buy the edited version. do you know what that song did to me? first of all, when i was in kindergarten i asked my father for some lunch money, he gave me a $100 bill. so anytime i would ask for money, i would ask for it by the name of the face of the man who was on it. 'lemme hold a benji mommy.' can you imagine a little girl knowing the name of every president on the money she wanted? that was me so when this song came out, i knew it was for me. and lil kim talking about 'what the bloodclot, wanna bumble with the bee huh?' she knew my culture? she knew we existed? and even then i didn't learn to appreciate the queen bee till much later. i followed the bass of biggie's voice into Get Money, Hypnotize, Juicy, Who Shot Ya and my personal favorite, Warning. i can't deny that what biggie was saying was something i understood, guys on the block from sun up to sun down, girls running around. i got it. listening to him was like looking out my window. but for me, he got me with his delivery. his voice sounded intense ALL the time. you couldn't help but move your head to his vocals. it was like he was saying, whether you understand him or not, you're gonna listen. but then somehow, there's no way you can know biggie without knowing tupac. and though biggie is a favorite, i am a fan of tupac. with thug life tatted on him, 'the hate you gave little infants, f.ck everybody', tupac had a story, actually he had a lot of stories. complete with plot, characters and climaxes, every song tupac gave me felt like a novel. and as a writer, i respect biggies delivery but the endless content tupac brought was gritty, hopeful, it entertained nearly every aspect of life. Hail Mary. come on, 'i ain't a killa but don't push me.' isn't that the damn truth? tupac recognized humanity in us all. we can't all be drug dealers and we can't all be rappers but we can all be killers if the event called for it. i could go on forever about his talent and the relevance it has to life after him, but i'd rather tell you where he took me. any search for prophecy over a melody will lead you to nas. on a smaller scale i feel for nas like i feel for tupac which would only lead me to feel for jay-z like i do biggie. the only difference is that jay-z has had the opportunity to have more lyrical content than biggie. content that i enjoy. but nas. not even to compare the two, i am a fan of nas. my favorite song of his being 'rewind,' that man surely does have the gift of storytelling, even backwards. i have a special place in my heart for jay-z's 'meet the parents.' and because of who i've dated, i can spit hov lines with the best of em but i'd rather just kick back and throw on illmatic. somewhere between high school and college, i started having an affair with common and lupe fiasco. for common, his verse on 'retrospect for life' and on talib kweli's 'the truth,' his own song, 'testify' and his appearance on kid cudi's make her say remix, common is versatile, consistent and smart as hell. and lupe is a young man doing old things. i was sold on 'intruder alert' where each verse told a different story. i guess by now you know i love storytelling. and kanye was definitely one of the first cds i bought to break the hiatus i felt hip hop took when i was still in high school. i don't know anything about celebrity kanye but i know the kanye from 'college dropout' who evolved into '808s and heartbreak.' his mind is different and he makes no apologies for it, so yes i'm a fan of him too. and no i didn't forget about lil wayne. i'm deadass a fan. now granted, lil wayne is now a brand with a whole damn gang/band behind him but back when his locks were just growing out and he was growing up, i was with him. Fireman, 3 peat, 500 degreez, Shot to the Heart, i was there for all of it. listening to his voice change, and watching him change into skinny jeans, i was there. whether he's high or not, he shows up to work everyday and i love that.
now i'm sending prayers up to heaven hoping that i didn't miss anyone but i probably did. so instead, i'll send my humble apologies to the gods of music and to the artist(s) my brain couldn't remember. ::insert anxiety attack here::
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
day 3 challenge
day 3 of this challenge: a picture of your friends...i added the 'friends doing something positive part'
Two Countries: One Cause May 1, 2010
Benefit Concert for the Philippines and Haiti
One of my best memories to date.
predictions already?
with pitchers like CC Sabathia [who hasn't lost a game since last July], Mariano Rivera and A.J. Burnett, the Yankees are looking good. but then again, what's new?
reggie bush
before you start asking, yes i keep up with sports. and since i keep up with sports, i am seriously disgusted with the decisions being made regarding Reggie Bush's football records. reggie bush is a phenomenal running back for the New Orleans Saints, a Superbowl champion and 2005 Heisman trophy recipient. Before that, he was recognized at USC as their star running back. this past june, it was ruled that back in late 2004, early 2005, Bush committed serious violations of NCAA by accepting gifts, money and other benefits. subsequently, Bush was found ineligible to play during that time and any recorded statistics were found inadmissible, therefore vacating his achievements during his final year at USC. not only was the memory of Bush deleted but the remaining players at USC are currently on a four year probation period, they have lost ALL scholarships and have received a 2 year bowl ban. [USC might as well just cut their whole football program for now. i'm just saying.] anyway. most people are saying, well he's already in the NFL so what does it matter? ha! it matters because of Bush's ineligibility to play, he no longer qualifies for the Heisman trophy in which he was awarded. If they strip him of that incredible achievement, he will be the first player to lose the Heisman in its 75 years of existence.
now honestly, we all know that athletes, especially football players, who are getting recruited are giving an insane amount of gifts. one day they're walking to school and the next they're driving a benz, i mean it's the way of the game. even though the NCAA has created regulations to put an end to bribery for the sake of recruiting, the truth is, money, gifts and women have become and integral part of the process. it is wrong if it is against the rules but should the players be the only ones punished? what about the people who introduce them to these lifestyles? though i believe in following rules, i do not believe in wiping the existence of this man's achievements. fine him, scold him but do not take away the blood, sweat and tears he gave to become the player that he is. he earned those yards, he earned those records. sh.t he earned someone's salary. nobody but him. but don't use him as an example for violations that are still going on as we speak. five years after the fact, you might have missed your chance to reprimand him. the 2005 recipient is Reggie Bush and it always will be.
now honestly, we all know that athletes, especially football players, who are getting recruited are giving an insane amount of gifts. one day they're walking to school and the next they're driving a benz, i mean it's the way of the game. even though the NCAA has created regulations to put an end to bribery for the sake of recruiting, the truth is, money, gifts and women have become and integral part of the process. it is wrong if it is against the rules but should the players be the only ones punished? what about the people who introduce them to these lifestyles? though i believe in following rules, i do not believe in wiping the existence of this man's achievements. fine him, scold him but do not take away the blood, sweat and tears he gave to become the player that he is. he earned those yards, he earned those records. sh.t he earned someone's salary. nobody but him. but don't use him as an example for violations that are still going on as we speak. five years after the fact, you might have missed your chance to reprimand him. the 2005 recipient is Reggie Bush and it always will be.
an amazing day
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| me & and my twin sister |
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| sin city where sinning looks good |
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| smiles |
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| we made it to the spa. and then they made us wear these outfits looking like lawn arrangements. we are approaching water with caution because we're women of color. |
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| silly girls |
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| cutie patooties |
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| we didn't discuss the pose apparently |
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| smiling and eating is an art |
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| poolside |
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| bathing suit proper |
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| spa castle wasn't ready for us but no one ever is! |
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| is that a nap before the festivities? |
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| isn't she beautiful? |
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| one of the best candids from the night |
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| the birthday girl isn't dressed yet! |
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| vanity is a sin, just pray about it in the morning. |
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| together, they're a problem |
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| how pretty. |
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| ladies, the club requires shoes, but our friendship requires 4in or better |
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| big sis. |
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| north philadelphia never looked so good |
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| my other half |
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| we are trying to get it together. keyword, trying. |
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| look at all those shades of brown. as we're about to hit the town. what a sight to see. fabulous women. happy birthday to me! |
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| by far, one of my favorite pictures in LIFE. why? because this is an epic display of sisterhood. |
Monday, September 6, 2010
day 2 ...
day 2: meaning of my tumblr name...tumblr being the home of my second blog...visit.
j’espere is french for ‘i hope.’ and i’m a woman of high hopes. waiting for the day pigs fly and men are not four years behind women developmentally. and living proverb? that’s simple enough. a proverb is a popular saying that is often repeated and expresses truth. i am the words that i write. i am a living expression of my own truth. hence, living proverb.
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