Bye...

It sounds like I miss you when my sheets rub against each other

Interrupting the conversation between my bare legs wondering what's missing between them…

Wondering when brown became so void, so vague, so empty

I couldn't think of another word that began with "v" except for virgin 

which is still technically the same thing as empty

considering you can have something to 'lose' while still not ever 'having' something

Either way, my legs miss you 

and maybe that's why I keep walking back to you 

Hoping you'll have something for me 

Something that looks like love but feels like a deported cousin

that feels like you're sad that they're gone but at least they get to be back home

I have stop feeling like there's home in your bones

I have to stop feeling like you got away with murder without realizing I'm the one who died

I have to stop feeling like, love, and madness for you

I had hoped that by the time I reached this door, it would be the front door to our house

with a white picket fence and a dishwasher like I had always hoped

But instead it is just a door that I've been crying behind hoping you never reached for the handle because it's burning there

because there's a fire here

There's smoke here

and there's ashes that sit where I have crumbled

I wish I could stop loving you

Stop missing you 

Stop kissing you 

But muscle memory is real and every time I see your teeth, my tongue just wants to say hello

I should know better to know that I know nothing at all

And some things just aren't you, but when those things aren't for me, then there's no us

I wish my brown legs wouldn't need you as a place to rest

I burned many a calorie with you in between them

Lost everything but weight though

Lost years but not inches

And fooled myself into believing that my wetness had nothing to do with my tears

Even my vagina was crying

Like women often do when intruders are near

And you kept telling me that my flesh was pink

Baby, I'm brown, she was just blushing when you were near

the blood was just rushing when you were near

the flood was just gushing when you were near

How dare I drown in my own waters?

Loving you moved me, sometimes into dizziness

But leaving you kept me still...