This is the unraveling of a twenty-something year old woman. I broke. I cried. I laughed. I hurt myself and others. I grew a backbone. I did many things and had many things happen to me. This story; well, it's the healing of it all. Enjoy.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Love is in the Details
Is what you value more important than who you value?
We all want to have successful relationships but it seems many of us haven’t realized that we define success drastically different. Have you ever seen a relationship where you ask yourself, “how does she put up with that?” or “why is he with her? she’s wack.” I know I have said those things once upon a time and I also know that those things have been said about me. Now that I’m a little wiser than my ignorant, younger self, I’m begging all of you to shut the f.ck up.
I would apologize for being so blunt if I thought there was another way to say it but there isn’t. What YOU want in your relationship doesn’t dictate anyone else’s. You may think his girlfriend is lame because she doesn’t wear the latest MAC products or does her hair but he’s looking for an ambitious woman, a loyal woman, a woman of God - none of the things that can be bought on a gift card. What he sees in her was never meant for you to see. And how does she put up with his flaky monogamy? I don’t know, maybe monogamy wasn’t a requirement for her. Maybe the security and support he offers her is so sustaining that him stepping out isn’t her breaking point. Maybe her goal is to make it work, not to make you think it works perfectly.
The thing is that our priorities are completely at our discretion. Do you want someone who is monogamous but doesn’t support your dreams? Do you want someone who supports your dreams but doesn’t agree to monogamy? And what about having it all? Is it even possible? Yes, it is possible to have it all but keep in mind - that takes time. It takes work - it takes two people making a conscious decision every morning to face these challenges together 24 hours at a time. Because dating is ultimately practice for marriage and if you’ve ever had to practice anything you know that practice is where mistakes are supposed to happen. It’s uncomfortable, it’s doing something over and over again until it’s embedded so deep into your brain that it comes naturally. Practice hurts.
But whatever your priorities are or whatever your goal is - it’s yours, not theirs. It’s unfair to impose your beliefs or ideas on a relationship that you’re not in. It’s not your work and it’s not your reward. And though it may be hard to watch your friends get hurt through the process of loving another person - love is about endless forgiveness. Some love is unconditional and you don’t know what they’re willing to sacrifice to achieve their goal. Love is in the details. It can be catered to our quirks, our dreams, and even our fears. Decide what your values are honestly and live and LOVE accordingly. Don’t be fake and expect something real to take over your life. It just doesn’t happen like that. It never happens like that.