He forgot my eyes were hazel

Sometimes I wished him out of my dreams
Haunted by his smile
Curling my body to the words I wished he'd say
I buried the apologies I never thought I'd hear from his lips
We were obituaries now
Words that once had life in them and are now sad reminders of rotting flesh
I remember thinking to myself, God if you can just watch over him for me
If I had three prayers in my pocket, I saved two for him
The last one I kept just in case the first two didn't work
I wanted him to come back
And heal me
Kinda put his hands on the broken promises and put his lips to the tears he left behind
I wanted him to play back my voicemails and see if he could hear me pleading for his return in just a sad hello
There were so many things I wanted to say but only kisses could replace strange words
Only two dancing tongues could express the kind of pain I dared not speak into the universe

I thought to myself why would I let him get a placeholder so pretty
And I kinda tortured myself for being so ugly when I was there
Those are the kind of moments that novels come from 
Where miracles happen and songs come belting out of wombs that once carried babies of parents who no longer loved each other
So sometimes I wished him out of my dreams
I begged God to take him away from me
I would have rather mourned a dead man than to love one who didn't love me anymore
It's exhausting
That kind of unconditional is tiring
It makes it hard to breathe and yet you have to because you don't want the first time he comes back, to see you in a casket
God, I loved him 
And when we woke up, tangled in awkward moments 
He remembered how hazel my eyes were 
and for a second, I think he loved me again.