I'm glad he didn't give me what I wanted. It was nothing I needed. When I told him to "leap," I never imagined it would be out of my arms. I told him to chase whatever he had faith in. I didn't prepare myself for him having faith in another woman. A part of me is happy for him, truly. He is with the very thing that he has true faith in. He is not making more empty memories with me. He is not robbing me of a magnificent love. He is freeing me from a mediocre one - one which was simply out of comfort. I was his comfort zone, he had to move to really have a chance at living, at loving. I was his safety net and what are safety nets for? They're just there to tell you that you'll be ok when you leap and if you don't land on something amazing, you'll survive landing in something ordinary. It was time to put to use all that I taught him.
I thank him for not keeping me. I served my purpose in his life and he served his purpose in mine and maybe when I finally left, her true purpose was revealed. Maybe I made a better man of him and maybe he required me to be more than a safety net for someone else. Either way, we taped each other back up, healed one another and put the other back into the world.
I thank him for putting me back into the atmosphere. I was lost in America; wounded by many and recovery was more of a burden than the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. He loved me when I was broken and I loved him before he was a man. He was just a boy with deep dimples when I held him. Still, it made us who we are. It made him for her and it made me for...well me. No matter how tall my tree grows, I will always bear his fruit; ripe with experience and soft to the touch.
1 comment:
Words can't explain how this truly touched me. I randomly found this blog post when I was praying for God to give me strength through my break up. It's as if you knew me and wrote about my life. We get so caught up in what we've lost and never truly realize what we've gained. My heart was filled with hate and confusion not realizing I was afraid to let go simply because I was so comfortable. I've known for a while now that our hearts weren't in it but seeing him with someone else ripped me apart. I thank you for helping me reach acceptance with a few simple words.
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