Ripe with Discomfort

He wanted to just be comfortable.  I told him, love is outside of the comfort zone.  It was as if he wanted to sketch Sunday sunsets with his fingertips, while rocking back and forth on our porch.  Maybe he wanted to drive the minivan to our son's soccer games and go apple picking in the fall.  Those things sound comfortable, they even sound beautiful.  Maybe one day, I will do them all, maybe I won't do any of them.  They sound like comfortable things, like tamed waves and bridled horses.  They sound like fair weather and perfect body temperatures - all beautiful and necessary things but it doesn't seem that my love operates that way.  

My love is fever.  It is a boastful, crashing wave that slams into the shore for more abuse. The salt and the sand mixing into the grainy gray areas called "feelings we just don't know what to do with."  My flaws be the jellyfish.  Sometimes they sting, but most of the time, you just enjoy seeing them up close. 

I am the tug and pull of the ocean, you know, kinda arching my back to the moon, glistening under its light and sh.t.  Yes, touch me like that there.  Pull my hair like that.  Yank my head back to find my mouth on top of yours.  Let the horses run full stampede into your chest.  That's what your heartbeat sounds like in my head.  You take up so much room in soul, I have no appetite for the scrumptious, just the necessary.  When I take the time to describe what loving you feels like, none of that sounds comfortable.  It doesn't sound easy like Saturday morning pancakes.  I want to push you to greatness and I want you to pull me from the depths of myself.  I want to fill in the rest of your sleeve because I want to be the only person who remembers what your naked looks like.  I want you to peel my tattoos off because you want to see the scars I was hiding under them so bad.  I mean, this just doesn't seem comfortable.  It doesn't seem easy but for you, I would move out of my comfort zone.  Rip the lease up, pay a ridiculous amount of rent just to live on the edge of your love, on the cusp of my own sanity and on the line where Heaven begins to descend onto Earth.  I want to live there and love you there for an uncomfortable eternity.  But you want to be comfortable and that's the one thing I do not have to offer you.