sandstorms

"no matter what happens, i love you." [i believed you]

i migrate to you like calm seas to the moon
starlights gaze over starfish
and your heartbeat tames even the most starving shark


the waves clash
the salt sticks in the air like pheromones to flesh
and my reflections beats against rocks with a face i no longer recognize


i can't remember what i wore yesterday
but i remember so vividly when we made vows in the shower
under warm water and burning hearts
that's where marriage begins and where two halves become one


your childhood, your battered mother, your broke father
i remember your secrets
but i'm a secret you can't seem to remember
but who am i to judge? 
especially when i can't figure out if you're the plaintiff or the defendant
or the accused or the accusing
and if i could serve as your jury
i would sentence you to life
with
me


but neither of us can tell if that's freedom or entrapment
so i walked from the courtroom to the beach
to drown my tears in the sea and bathe in remorse
and our lives have crossed, not into a bleeding cross to bear but into an X because that's what you are


i submerge into the sand
from dust to dust
going back to the beginning 
where reflections aren't tainted with sex and betrayal
where love is not a noun but rather a living verb


and just because you broke my spirit doesn't mean i broke into your house
but wouldn't that make sense?
if there were price tags on my soul, i could charge u for breaking and entering, property damage and theft
but since emotions don't count 
in numbers at least
your shattered home is more important than my shattered heart


you selfish son of a b.tch
and i know i'm the b.tch because i gave u a life your mother wasn't responsible for
but even though you think this is a guilt trip, it's not
guilt is a destination, not a journey
and you are home, where you belong


guilty of breaking the woman who put you back together
guilty of using my oxygen to make your chest rise
guilty of emptying my account and leaving my emotions bankrupt
now we're both 
broke
broke
broken


shattered glass and shattered dreams
love aint what it seems
and even deep waters begin as shallow seas
so f.ck you for leaving me.