then why did it end? It seems like it was something so strong and I guess I am having a hard time understanding love even in my relationship now.... so why did the relationship end? r u guys still friends now? isnt that hard to live with? - your biggest fan
when you're a kid, you have no idea that those comic books you flip through over and over again will one day be worth money. it's kinda like the same thing. i had no idea i was sitting on a diamond. in that time i could only feel my pain, my embarrasment, my vulnerability. i don't think i stopped for a second to imagine what he might have been feeling. it's only now that i realize that i can't be with someone that i can't completely embody. it wasn't fair to share his joy and his happiness without taking part in his troubles and his fears. we should have been in it together all the way and we weren't. these things were only discovered after certain OTHER discoveries were made, actions on both of our partd that were big enough to tear us apart then but now they don't even matter. what a waste of anger. as far as us being friends. i don't even think the term does us justice anymore. there's something deeper than friendship that we've stumbled upon. friends are there for you through thick and thin you know and he is my thick and thin so it's indescribable. it's especially hard to live with when i'm trying to live with someone else. when i'm alone, it's a different struggle because i can dedicate myself entirely to it. when i'm seeing someone though, it can be a very selfish battle. so it's hard, some days are harder than others but there is an insane level of comfort knowing that someone out there loves you more than life itself. that's pretty easy to live with.
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