we are the seasons

i had to close my eyes to write this one.  sometimes in order to make something real, you have to remove yourself from reality.


it occurred to me the other day that the rest of our lives has begun.  we're making decisions that matter right now.  children, marriage, careers, housing...together or apart, it's to set up for a life we want or rather, we feel we deserve.  but things are changing.  


falling in love doesn't creep up on you anymore
you like a guy a year ago and you wake up a year later loving him
you hate a guy a year ago and you pass him in the street a year later reminiscing about watching the world series from the love seat you shared
you smile at your child today reminding yourself of the tears you shed six years ago when you found out she was in your womb
time changes and we undoubtedly change with it
breathing in different rays of the same sun
changing leaves off the same tree
we walk in cycles, footsteps of experiences believing something will get better because the worst part about going through the worst sh.t is not knowing when the best will come
but we bleed hope and we transpire expectations
because as much as we don't want to be disappointed, it's the only thing that lets us know we can still feel something for someone somewhere...
and while weddings get cancelled and dates get planned
in the midst of our own calendars we are scheduling happiness 
we are making time for more time 
and we believe we deserve it even though too many times we've wasted too much time
i just want to scream how much i'm in love but i wouldn't even believe it
because time changes and love changes with it 
and if i could freeze his lips on my hips i would whine for the both of us
gyrating into forever and tick tocking into eternity
just to ensure that love lasts like ink on damp skin to tell stories to my grandchildren spelled out in my wrinkles
i gotta believe in humanity like i believe the earth rotates to secure it
i have to remember his scent so when long distance comes knocking at my door, my memories won't need to answer
i have to know that time changes, love changes and that autumn, spring, summer and winter are not the only seasons 
we change
we grow
we rain
we snow
we sweat
we humble ourselves to the plan that ownership is not the same as slavery
and i want today to own me 
in all of its glory
because everything changes except memories.