sometimes you just have to throw hands.
beyonce and jay z
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
back to my writing exercises
i closed my eyes, opened the dictionary and put my hand on a word, any word. this word is supposed to be written on a blank, white page. it is to be 'a bit of sun caught in a sunflower: it is petal and center, aura and corolla.'
the word i found is CESSION: 1. an act of ceding or surrendering as of territory to another country by treaty. 2. a ceded territory.
i am to pick another word: PENITENTIARY: 1. a prison for those convicted of major crimes. 2 pertaining to or used for punishment or reform of criminals or wrongdoers. 3. resulting in or punishable by imprisonment in a penitentiary.
and finally i am to give you two pages of the breath, the sounds, the alpha and omega of these words as my memory and my heart allows.
his limbs covered me in his sweat. we were warring for two years trying to find a plea bargain that would suit both of our wants and yet had nothing to do with our needs. my breath had gone quiet under his rising ribcage.
babe.
i looked at him with the eyes of an opponent. babe had died a long time ago. babe was three years ago. babe was young, naive and spent long walks on shores she never knew he couldn't reach. my eyes wouldn't even open just so i could see things a little clearer, just so i could hold him a little nearer, just so i didn't have to face the devil right away. i looked at the back of my eyelids and i took in his scent that had been holding me prisoner for more nights than days. i smelled his cologne, his deodorant, his after shave, his deceit and almost hurled the memories right off my tongue. i wanted to curse him out ever so gently, moan my displeasing thoughts into his ears and ride his d.ck off into the sunset because sex is a forgiveness not even his sins could carry.
he called out babe again like she had been missing, like her face was on the back of a milk carton in someone's fridge feeding little hungry boys something to go with their cookies. he searched for me underneath my breasts to see if he heard a heartbeat but broken hearts can't beat. he searched in between my thighs and whispered how wet i was. i whispered back, those are tears at the end of their journey.
he clawed his fingers into my ribs, 'i made you.'
indeed he was right. he made me…angry. i wanted to rip out the rib i borrowed from him because i no longer needed it to protect a heart that didn't beat, that didn't even pulsate at the thought of his chest hovering over it. i did not need that f.cking rib i borrowed out of his dirt. i was certainly made in the image of his humanity. i was certainly made in the mold of his modernity. i was certainly made in the new age of his bullsh.t. never realizing that as bullsh.t gets old, so do i. and i felt my wrinkles under his words because i was spending so much time frowning that crow's feet were leaving their tracks all over that face that was so reminiscent of 'babe.' he would not accept my surrender. he would not take my cession that did not seek any remorse in exchange. he could not believe that i wanted nothing from the man that had taken everything.
babe.
i curled up into the quietest parts of my soul, my skin marked by his shadow. our love had high, brick walls. trapped by heavy stone and punished by heavier acts, i was trapped in my own penitentiary of affairs. our sweat was the last of our faithfulness. our silence was signal of knowing that all the words in the world could never find themselves in an order like we had. laid out in front of each other but not easily translated. we no longer spoke languages of love or metaphors of music. we were cold mirrors of ourselves repeating phrases from years before that habit had replaced its meaning. i watched him, still very handsome but so ugly with his intent. he had been with other women. he might have even loved one or two but nowhere in that equation did i fit. nowhere did our one plus one equal two anymore.
babe.
and my skin crawled for the last time trying to make more love than i lost. there were parts of him i still recognized with my eyes closed, the sound of his eyelids opening and closing, his breath filtering through his teeth, his heart beating through his chest. there were so many things i had memories of, artifacts of our relationship, statues of our crumbling emotions, replicas of our majesty.
i watched our legs tangle from the web we weaved and decided i would not be his prey anymore. morning would no longer come after me.
babe.
'these are my terms and conditions, i need you out. from in between my thighs and out from the crevices of my mind. i need you to accept the cession of me from you which states that you can keep all that you took from me, without taking me with you. there will be no visits in this penitentiary of possibility. babe is gone. and we both will miss her but it makes no sense for both of us to be trapped behind my walls.
the word i found is CESSION: 1. an act of ceding or surrendering as of territory to another country by treaty. 2. a ceded territory.
i am to pick another word: PENITENTIARY: 1. a prison for those convicted of major crimes. 2 pertaining to or used for punishment or reform of criminals or wrongdoers. 3. resulting in or punishable by imprisonment in a penitentiary.
and finally i am to give you two pages of the breath, the sounds, the alpha and omega of these words as my memory and my heart allows.
his limbs covered me in his sweat. we were warring for two years trying to find a plea bargain that would suit both of our wants and yet had nothing to do with our needs. my breath had gone quiet under his rising ribcage.
babe.
i looked at him with the eyes of an opponent. babe had died a long time ago. babe was three years ago. babe was young, naive and spent long walks on shores she never knew he couldn't reach. my eyes wouldn't even open just so i could see things a little clearer, just so i could hold him a little nearer, just so i didn't have to face the devil right away. i looked at the back of my eyelids and i took in his scent that had been holding me prisoner for more nights than days. i smelled his cologne, his deodorant, his after shave, his deceit and almost hurled the memories right off my tongue. i wanted to curse him out ever so gently, moan my displeasing thoughts into his ears and ride his d.ck off into the sunset because sex is a forgiveness not even his sins could carry.
he called out babe again like she had been missing, like her face was on the back of a milk carton in someone's fridge feeding little hungry boys something to go with their cookies. he searched for me underneath my breasts to see if he heard a heartbeat but broken hearts can't beat. he searched in between my thighs and whispered how wet i was. i whispered back, those are tears at the end of their journey.
he clawed his fingers into my ribs, 'i made you.'
indeed he was right. he made me…angry. i wanted to rip out the rib i borrowed from him because i no longer needed it to protect a heart that didn't beat, that didn't even pulsate at the thought of his chest hovering over it. i did not need that f.cking rib i borrowed out of his dirt. i was certainly made in the image of his humanity. i was certainly made in the mold of his modernity. i was certainly made in the new age of his bullsh.t. never realizing that as bullsh.t gets old, so do i. and i felt my wrinkles under his words because i was spending so much time frowning that crow's feet were leaving their tracks all over that face that was so reminiscent of 'babe.' he would not accept my surrender. he would not take my cession that did not seek any remorse in exchange. he could not believe that i wanted nothing from the man that had taken everything.
babe.
i curled up into the quietest parts of my soul, my skin marked by his shadow. our love had high, brick walls. trapped by heavy stone and punished by heavier acts, i was trapped in my own penitentiary of affairs. our sweat was the last of our faithfulness. our silence was signal of knowing that all the words in the world could never find themselves in an order like we had. laid out in front of each other but not easily translated. we no longer spoke languages of love or metaphors of music. we were cold mirrors of ourselves repeating phrases from years before that habit had replaced its meaning. i watched him, still very handsome but so ugly with his intent. he had been with other women. he might have even loved one or two but nowhere in that equation did i fit. nowhere did our one plus one equal two anymore.
babe.
and my skin crawled for the last time trying to make more love than i lost. there were parts of him i still recognized with my eyes closed, the sound of his eyelids opening and closing, his breath filtering through his teeth, his heart beating through his chest. there were so many things i had memories of, artifacts of our relationship, statues of our crumbling emotions, replicas of our majesty.
i watched our legs tangle from the web we weaved and decided i would not be his prey anymore. morning would no longer come after me.
babe.
'these are my terms and conditions, i need you out. from in between my thighs and out from the crevices of my mind. i need you to accept the cession of me from you which states that you can keep all that you took from me, without taking me with you. there will be no visits in this penitentiary of possibility. babe is gone. and we both will miss her but it makes no sense for both of us to be trapped behind my walls.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
i'm in rare form
So...I struggle with what to day in response to this post. I feel a GRAVE disconnect btwn us since you have left. (You the one person that i spoke to EVERY and I mean EVERY day for almost 2 years). Ummm, I have been reading and commenting and laughing and crying to many of your posts. How ever its not the same. I feel like when you left you took a piece of me with you. We expressed to each other how we have influenced the others life and how much we meant to each other and now that's gone. Maybe this isn't the place to disclose this info but I feel that this is the only way to reach you. I have pulled back from commenting one because you don't respond and 2 because I feel like the promises made before your move were not kept. I realized I have been doing some of the nut azz stuff we (Leo's) hated for others to do and that had to end. I miss you and I miss having you here but I feel like you have forgotten about me completely.
That brings me to the blog. The one thing it does for me is keep me in the loop about you and your life without me and for that I am grateful. I absolutely love the blog one because as we have always said our lives are reality not the TV shows proclaiming to be...(LOL that was a good line...write that down). You may not choose to post this and if you don't that's fine but know that I love and miss you and feel like sometimes we (Leos) Have to set our Leo traits aside and remember where we came from. PS. I'm crying at work and you know how I hate that.
That brings me to the blog. The one thing it does for me is keep me in the loop about you and your life without me and for that I am grateful. I absolutely love the blog one because as we have always said our lives are reality not the TV shows proclaiming to be...(LOL that was a good line...write that down). You may not choose to post this and if you don't that's fine but know that I love and miss you and feel like sometimes we (Leos) Have to set our Leo traits aside and remember where we came from. PS. I'm crying at work and you know how I hate that.
my response: long overdue. but i love you. and saying i love is a cop out of all sorts that it encompasses the very beauty and appreciation of our relationship. sitting next to you for what turned into years changed my life. we're in two different places now but i still carry your voice with me. i take your guidance and your tough love with me into the unknown every morning. i could never forget about you because a part of me has become you. it's such a strange feeling when friends become family. i can't remember a life without you and now because space is between us, please don't mistake that for us being distant. i still trust you with my life, my heart, my soul and my bag. i would still do anything for you and that includes dying. i think this blog became a conversation between us. i usually write in the mornings, where i would usually be sitting right next to you begging for advice of some kind. this blog is me reaching out to you. these are all the things that you told me to write, to document whether it was to hear how crazy i sounded or whether it was to realize how much i'm changing, growing and loving. this wouldn't be possible without you. there is no me without you and there won't be. that's the promise that cannot be broken. love you.
best kept secret
i don't think i've ever blogged about this man but usually when it comes to my best kept secrets, i never do. i've been following his career since my undergraduate days courtesy of @danigirlbx. we even went to SOBs in New York City to see him perform live. it was an amazing night. but he recently did a cover to Lil Wayne's new song "How to Love" and i'm back in love. i give to you, Brandon Hines. (p.s. my favorite song from him is Overdose)
the probability of cheating
we are definitely at that age, you know that age where our careers/dreams are booming, our breasts are perky and boys are starting to carry their man weight around. we are the pick of the litter. there are so many options. God bless the people that can pick one and be happy with that but what about everybody else? is it IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO CHEAT? ok i don't think it's impossible but it is damn sure hard. i know the first question will be, 'well if you want to cheat, why get in a relationship?' (insert neck rolling and finger snapping here) well smart ass, not everybody goes into a relationship with the intention to cheat. we get into relationships with other people because we like them and we want to have some sense of security that whatever we invest in will prosper tenfold. but then you see that man/woman at the bar and he/she is looking mighty fine. after a couple drinks, she's looking like halle berry and you're feeling like idris elba, the next thing you know you're exchanging numbers and for what?! you don't need anymore friends. it's not about business because you haven't even told her where you work so why exchange numbers? because you're interested and as of right now, you are in the beginning stages of cheating. now you might very well go home and forget all about that number or maybe you'll try and she/he will send you a flirty text to remind you of their liquid enticement. but the truth is, i'm sure (in most cases of loving relationships) when you told your significant other that you were going out to the bar, you had no intention of bringing someone back with you. but it happens. should we EXPECT people to cheat? you can expect whatever your insecurities convince you to and you can tolerate whatever your heart is willing to put up with BUT as far as cheating, is it too much for us to understand the humanity of it?
is it such a foreign concept to the goody two shoes of the world to understand that bad decisions happen? and by all means you don't have to stay if and when someone cheats on you but you mean to tell me you really can't understand how it happens? we're young, beautiful, intelligent, ambitious and meeting people who share the same qualities and honestly, cheating doesn't even require that much. The right temptation doesn't require much ingredients. should we abstain from relationships because there will always be a possibility of cheating? or should we go into relationships understanding that we are dating someone who is human who can make mistakes anywhere from being insensitive one day to unfaithful the next? i heard from @koolestkidout that the hardest lessons are learned IN the relationship so take a leap on faith. he might cheat or you might cheat but it's a very real possibility that both of you WON'T. in any case, human error is here to stay but are you?
is it such a foreign concept to the goody two shoes of the world to understand that bad decisions happen? and by all means you don't have to stay if and when someone cheats on you but you mean to tell me you really can't understand how it happens? we're young, beautiful, intelligent, ambitious and meeting people who share the same qualities and honestly, cheating doesn't even require that much. The right temptation doesn't require much ingredients. should we abstain from relationships because there will always be a possibility of cheating? or should we go into relationships understanding that we are dating someone who is human who can make mistakes anywhere from being insensitive one day to unfaithful the next? i heard from @koolestkidout that the hardest lessons are learned IN the relationship so take a leap on faith. he might cheat or you might cheat but it's a very real possibility that both of you WON'T. in any case, human error is here to stay but are you?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
to have kids or not to have kids
indeed that is the question. if you've read through the blog then you would know that i NEVER wanted children. at all. i love those little crumb snatchers like the next person but as far as having one come through my vagina, that was not in my plan.
moving right along, i remember being in a forum for mothers and women who wanted to be mothers. a woman was talking about her struggle with fertility and how she wanted children so bad. another woman, who was already mother said something simple yet very complex.
"is it that you want to be pregnant or that you want to be a mother because you can do the latter without the former."
now she didn't say it as eloquently but you get the point. at least i did. i was like damn. i never even thought about it. i never really had to though because my teenage uterus was well advanced and more fertile than i ever expected. (that's not a complaint but it is a side eye at God). i say all this to say, that i didn't realize there were women out there that would feel incomplete if they didn't/couldn't bear children. I'm more familiar with the one's that cannot due to fertility problems but what if you just don't want children? Why would that ever make you feel like any less of a woman.
though being a mother is a great accomplishment, i hope for both of our sakes, it isn't my only one and though i am extremely proud of mini me, i will have to wait until the end of my life to see if it's my proudest moment. raising a decent human being is a difficult task and if done to your liking, i can see where you would be proud but if you choose another destiny, maybe you will be just as proud. i almost think it's more noble to give your all to a child/person that you don't feel obligated to out of sheer kindness and love. this may sound crazy, but i almost have no choice but to love mini me. i knew her before anyone, loved her before anyone and was willing to die for a face i had never even seen. damn right, i'm gonna love that little girl but what about little girls that i will meet when they are five years old, little girls that don't share my dna, little girls that will need love and attention but don't necessarily need mine?
i love being a mother but if my plan worked out, i wouldn't have been but i would have been totally fine dedicating myself to the people of the world and not those of my womb. i wouldn't have felt like any less of a woman if i didn't go through labor pains, heartburn and stretch marks. in fact, i might have felt like more of a woman by standing by my own decision and setting my own standards for happiness. it's a lot of pressure to put your sense of worth on an innocent child. even though i'm thankful for my uterus, i would have still been great without it.
moving right along, i remember being in a forum for mothers and women who wanted to be mothers. a woman was talking about her struggle with fertility and how she wanted children so bad. another woman, who was already mother said something simple yet very complex.
"is it that you want to be pregnant or that you want to be a mother because you can do the latter without the former."
now she didn't say it as eloquently but you get the point. at least i did. i was like damn. i never even thought about it. i never really had to though because my teenage uterus was well advanced and more fertile than i ever expected. (that's not a complaint but it is a side eye at God). i say all this to say, that i didn't realize there were women out there that would feel incomplete if they didn't/couldn't bear children. I'm more familiar with the one's that cannot due to fertility problems but what if you just don't want children? Why would that ever make you feel like any less of a woman.
though being a mother is a great accomplishment, i hope for both of our sakes, it isn't my only one and though i am extremely proud of mini me, i will have to wait until the end of my life to see if it's my proudest moment. raising a decent human being is a difficult task and if done to your liking, i can see where you would be proud but if you choose another destiny, maybe you will be just as proud. i almost think it's more noble to give your all to a child/person that you don't feel obligated to out of sheer kindness and love. this may sound crazy, but i almost have no choice but to love mini me. i knew her before anyone, loved her before anyone and was willing to die for a face i had never even seen. damn right, i'm gonna love that little girl but what about little girls that i will meet when they are five years old, little girls that don't share my dna, little girls that will need love and attention but don't necessarily need mine?
i love being a mother but if my plan worked out, i wouldn't have been but i would have been totally fine dedicating myself to the people of the world and not those of my womb. i wouldn't have felt like any less of a woman if i didn't go through labor pains, heartburn and stretch marks. in fact, i might have felt like more of a woman by standing by my own decision and setting my own standards for happiness. it's a lot of pressure to put your sense of worth on an innocent child. even though i'm thankful for my uterus, i would have still been great without it.
Monday, June 20, 2011
you
you make my toes curl up like the tips of my hair and the corners of my mouth
you make my still waters roar like waves birthed by tsunamis
you bring tears out of my eyes like dew on the petals of tulips glistening under a rising sun
you make peace in a heart torn apart by wars from men not worth fighting for
you touch me and fireworks go off in my blood over the battlefield to tell them i've won
you make dictionaries out of words i haven't felt before
and i love you for that
i really do.
you make my still waters roar like waves birthed by tsunamis
you bring tears out of my eyes like dew on the petals of tulips glistening under a rising sun
you make peace in a heart torn apart by wars from men not worth fighting for
you touch me and fireworks go off in my blood over the battlefield to tell them i've won
you make dictionaries out of words i haven't felt before
and i love you for that
i really do.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
be great. then acknowledge it.
there's a fine line between being humble and not understanding that you're f.cking amazing. just in case i sounded cocky earlier.
honestly speaking
some joints are just dirt, but you need dirt to make flowers grow.
and according to @ms_she & @danigirlbx, i really talk like this. i have a rare mind and a foul mouth. that's me though.
and according to @ms_she & @danigirlbx, i really talk like this. i have a rare mind and a foul mouth. that's me though.
the sky opened up
 |
| taken with my iphone |
the thing about a storm is that you have no idea if you're close to the end. but the one thing you can be sure of is that the storm will end and the sun always comes out.
TAKE A CHANCE
women, believe in yourselves.
it's not that you haven't found a good man. you haven't taken him. stop worrying about what he wants and how he'll feel about your stretch marks. believe that you are a beautiful, well rounded and intelligent woman who knows what SHE wants and goes to get it.
courtship is not like it used to be. we have to play an active role. there are plenty of girls giving it up but not enough taking it. you want a man to be clear with his intentions then be clear with yours. be open, be communicative, be real with him and yourself.
you're going to wait forever for a glass slipper when you should have sneakers on for a journey this long. i'm just saying.
and by the way, to be completely honest, i believe that when i walk into a room, i know that 98% of men in there want me. the other 2% might be gay, asexual or in a relationship. but why do i think that 98% of men want me? because i'm beautiful, intelligent well rounded and i wear clothes that fit me well. so i'll decide which man i want. i'm not waiting for handouts, a ring or a charmer. if i want it, i can have it.
i've heard the 'but i don't know what he wants.' ladies, he doesn't know what he wants either. i walked into the store yesterday and i didn't want a red velvet cake but when i saw that sh.t looking so appetizing, i bought all three dollars and ninety five cents that it was worth. and me and that red velvet cake had a good damn time. (even when it was over, i still have great memories of it) before you go back and forth on taking a chance on someone else…
TAKE A F.CKING CHANCE ON YOURSELF.
it's not that you haven't found a good man. you haven't taken him. stop worrying about what he wants and how he'll feel about your stretch marks. believe that you are a beautiful, well rounded and intelligent woman who knows what SHE wants and goes to get it.
courtship is not like it used to be. we have to play an active role. there are plenty of girls giving it up but not enough taking it. you want a man to be clear with his intentions then be clear with yours. be open, be communicative, be real with him and yourself.
you're going to wait forever for a glass slipper when you should have sneakers on for a journey this long. i'm just saying.
and by the way, to be completely honest, i believe that when i walk into a room, i know that 98% of men in there want me. the other 2% might be gay, asexual or in a relationship. but why do i think that 98% of men want me? because i'm beautiful, intelligent well rounded and i wear clothes that fit me well. so i'll decide which man i want. i'm not waiting for handouts, a ring or a charmer. if i want it, i can have it.
i've heard the 'but i don't know what he wants.' ladies, he doesn't know what he wants either. i walked into the store yesterday and i didn't want a red velvet cake but when i saw that sh.t looking so appetizing, i bought all three dollars and ninety five cents that it was worth. and me and that red velvet cake had a good damn time. (even when it was over, i still have great memories of it) before you go back and forth on taking a chance on someone else…
TAKE A F.CKING CHANCE ON YOURSELF.
i've been hurt before. you too?
heartbreak feels the same for all of us. we react differently though.
and yes women are resilient. we keep on loving. men wonder how. it's because the one's that didn't work weren't the healthy kinds of love and it's the search for the well rounded love that keeps up coming back for more.
i've been hurt before.
we all have.
but the thing about scars is that they don't bleed anymore.
know where your war wounds are but that shouldn't stop you from fighting.
and yes women are resilient. we keep on loving. men wonder how. it's because the one's that didn't work weren't the healthy kinds of love and it's the search for the well rounded love that keeps up coming back for more.
i've been hurt before.
we all have.
but the thing about scars is that they don't bleed anymore.
know where your war wounds are but that shouldn't stop you from fighting.
give your life to the Lord…again
i love my grandmother but she has got to stop peddling my salvation like fake purses on canal street. but i'm glad she's concerned with my eternal happiness.
the movement of death
i watched a fourteen year old bury her mother with so much grace that my own eyes watered. this young girl was teaching me how to be a better woman with a strength that i had never witnessed up close. the sermon was given by a woman who was a mother herself with a daughter close in age to the same one who was grieving. this is her sermon, not as she said it but more so how i heard it.
somebody's always watching you. and the thing about death is it makes you think about everything the person did in their life, the bad, the good and the in between. but i urge you to only focus on the good, on the beautiful. it's easy to think about the bad because you can't hug them or see their smile but forget the bad. why? because God does. Noah, Abraham, Rahab, they were liars, prostitutes and murderers, but God forgot that. He remembered their faith, that they were looking for salvation. He forgets the mistakes, he only remembers that you tried. God forgets the mistakes, He only remembers faith. He remembers faith.
ever since 9/11, they've put cameras everywhere. bridges, street corners, train stations, someone, somewhere is watching your every move. they have satellites in the sky that can see your house so clear, they can see you walk out of it. even when you think no one sees you, someone, somewhere sees you. let me tell you a story. i had to be in baltimore preaching and that same night my daughter stephanie had a recital. i got off that pulpit and started speeding home on 95 north. i rushed to the recital and burst through the doors to find out that i made it. i was just so happy to be there. i made it. i shocked myself. a few weeks later i get something in the mail. it was a very heavy ticket for speeding. and they had a picture of someone that could have been me driving my car and as if to add insult to my injury, they had an inset zooming in on my license plate. someone was watching me.
i'll tell you another story. my daughter had a track meet that she was so worried about. she kept saying, 'mom, i don't think i can win, that girl is fast.' well i ran track in high school so i trained with her. for three weeks, i got up at 5:30am and we trained. finally the day of the track meet came. i was coming from preaching somewhere else and i had to rush home because apparently the dog had to be there too. i ran home, grabbed the dog and headed to the track. i had no idea what to expect, this was her first time running in a new school so i had no idea what i was walking into. when i got there, the bleachers were packed! they had vendors, there were so many families and different stands. they had games and food. i was like, 'oh this is nice but how is stephanie going to see me.' i rushed up to the front with the dog of course and i saw her standing on the block. let her tell it, she only saw the dog, not her mother holding the dog but who knows. i watched her start the race. as she was running, i started moving toward the finish line. i wanted to wait for her at the finish line. sometimes you need to move to get a better view. sometimes you need to reposition yourself to a place where you can be of more help. sometimes you need to see things clearer so you have to move from where you were to where you are. i stood at the finish line and i saw her clearly barreling toward me. i stood there knowing i would get a great picture from where i was. i started screaming, 'run stephanie run!' when she tells the story, she says she never saw me till she crossed that line but she heard me screaming and from somewhere she got a burst of energy. stephanie wears that first place trophy to bed every night.
alicia (the young girl grieving) your mother didn't leave you. she's just in a new position. she's in a better place to help you, to guide you. i don't have the luxury of being everywhere my daughter is as a working mother, but your mother can be with you ANYWHERE. you can't see her alicia but she's there. she can see you and she's saying 'run alicia run.' your mother is waiting for you at the finish line.
i cried and i kept crying. i cried as a mother. as a daughter. and as a friend.
i just cried but i remembered faith because God does.
it must be a surreal feeling to know that your mother did such a beautiful job raising you that she could leave you in this world and you'll be ok.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Thank you.
None of this (whatever this is) would not be possible without God. Absolutely none of it. I've never been one to be overly religious and I don't want to preach but God has been good to me. Funny enough my friends like to say I have rose colored glasses on but in this moment, I realized I don't at all. I have faith - unwavering faith that everything will be ok. So have faith in yourself and have faith in others. Thank you.
Friday, June 3, 2011
wishes and wants
i wish i knew what love was so i could wrap it in a gift and call it yours. and i wish that i could bottle sunshine so you could drink it and glow from the inside. i want to feel anything but vulnerable but people only recognize weakness in the shadow of strength. i want to understand silence as if it's another language just to be closer to you and i want to practice celibacy because i know i would still feel you. and i want to go on vacation with you just to test out my theory that home is where the heart is so in essence, i never left. i wish one night stands didn't turn into fairytales and i wish you didn't put my narrow feet in these glass slippers. i wish distance would take itself to hell so it could feel what i feel when i'm in heat and i wish someone would have told me that stars don't just come out at night, they're your eyes. sometimes i even want bad things to happen so that the good would have some company. but most of all, i wish i knew what love was so i just wrap all of this in one sentence and say i love you. but i'm pretty sure that love has nothing to do with my wishes or my wants but more so to do with what i already have.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
she does not quit
Best Thing I Never Had by Beyoncé
i hesitated putting this up because i'm not a fan of beyonce per se. but her talent is undeniable and this is a great outlook for some women to have when a situation we want is clearly not something we need.
i hesitated putting this up because i'm not a fan of beyonce per se. but her talent is undeniable and this is a great outlook for some women to have when a situation we want is clearly not something we need.
little unexpected talent
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| God taking a peek |
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| mommy |
the perspective of my mini me.
could it be that she found her calling as a photographer at such a tender age?
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