i got you babe.

i'm in a very romantic phase in my life.  i'm gonna call it the 'sweetheart phenomenon.' i don't know exactly what it means but i will tell you the story of how i got to calling it that.

one night, an older man comes up to me.  he greets me and i say hello with a smile.  he tell me how i have a beautiful smile but more so than that, i'm smiling from the inside.  i thank him with a confused look on my face because there's absolutely nothing going on inside.  he happened to catch me in a moment where my brain, nor my heart was thinking about anybody in particular.  then he asks me the million dollar question.

am i married?
he must be joking. i don't have a ring on and nothing about me says i'm getting any extra deductions on my taxes.  but nonetheless, i answer the obvious.
"no, i am not married and no, i'm not even close," i say laughing at the atrocity of the idea.
he replies, "you're closer than you think."

and with that, i almost passed out. now @ms_she has warned me about making life decisions off the advice of a 'wannabe gypsy,' her words, not mine.  however, i do believe that we give off emotions and feelings that we would rather not discuss.  some people call it a glow, some people call it smiling from the inside but by the end of the conversation, he told me i was in love and all i wanted to do was cry.  i couldn't be in love.  i have no room for love, i literally have no space in my schedule for it, i checked.  and do i even believe in love anymore or do i believe in the strategic placement of two people in one another's lives making a decision to only entertain each other?  i don't know but here's something i do want to know.

is it that i don't want to do this whole dating, vulnerable, i might be in love thing again or is it that i don't want to do this with anybody else?

Shannon and Monica Brown

i'm all the way confused but i do know one thing. this romantic phase, the sweetheart phenomenon? i've given more of myself to it than i anticipated and for the most part, i'm ok with that.  what scares me is that shannon brown up there is 25 and i'm 24 and they hitched after knowing and being together for a little over two months.  that means that this love thing is quite possible.  it even looks like she's smiling from the inside.

oh and the walk in gypsy? he's deaf.  i'm not sure what that adds to the conversation but i know it adds something. spooky.