i got you babe.

i'm in a very romantic phase in my life.  i'm gonna call it the 'sweetheart phenomenon.' i don't know exactly what it means but i will tell you the story of how i got to calling it that.

one night, an older man comes up to me.  he greets me and i say hello with a smile.  he tell me how i have a beautiful smile but more so than that, i'm smiling from the inside.  i thank him with a confused look on my face because there's absolutely nothing going on inside.  he happened to catch me in a moment where my brain, nor my heart was thinking about anybody in particular.  then he asks me the million dollar question.

am i married?
he must be joking. i don't have a ring on and nothing about me says i'm getting any extra deductions on my taxes.  but nonetheless, i answer the obvious.
"no, i am not married and no, i'm not even close," i say laughing at the atrocity of the idea.
he replies, "you're closer than you think."

and with that, i almost passed out. now @ms_she has warned me about making life decisions off the advice of a 'wannabe gypsy,' her words, not mine.  however, i do believe that we give off emotions and feelings that we would rather not discuss.  some people call it a glow, some people call it smiling from the inside but by the end of the conversation, he told me i was in love and all i wanted to do was cry.  i couldn't be in love.  i have no room for love, i literally have no space in my schedule for it, i checked.  and do i even believe in love anymore or do i believe in the strategic placement of two people in one another's lives making a decision to only entertain each other?  i don't know but here's something i do want to know.

is it that i don't want to do this whole dating, vulnerable, i might be in love thing again or is it that i don't want to do this with anybody else?

Shannon and Monica Brown

i'm all the way confused but i do know one thing. this romantic phase, the sweetheart phenomenon? i've given more of myself to it than i anticipated and for the most part, i'm ok with that.  what scares me is that shannon brown up there is 25 and i'm 24 and they hitched after knowing and being together for a little over two months.  that means that this love thing is quite possible.  it even looks like she's smiling from the inside.

oh and the walk in gypsy? he's deaf.  i'm not sure what that adds to the conversation but i know it adds something. spooky.

tunes...

adele has a new album coming out on february 10 or the 22nd i believe. anyway it's called 21 and you can pre-purchase it on itunes.  i've been playing her last album, 19, for the past week now along with bruno mars, jamie foxx and r. kelly, two of which was purchased on itunes.  and let me tell you, there is nothing like buying the original cd.  i've been getting better with technology in the past few weeks but i still love the way a book feels and flipping through the album insert.  i can't help it and i'm not ready to give that up.

now back to playing my adele...
"you say my name like there could be an us."

it's still my face.

i believe i am the lame friend that keeps her profile pic up for far too long.

different degrees of love

everyone's love is different and then on top of that there are different degrees of love. so i got to thinking. there are some tell tale signs of my love. they are:

i washed your dishes. i MUST love you.
if you see me with my hair undone or you see my nipples, that's love.  my nipples are sacred and so is my hair.
if i let you touch my hair, we're talking about the kind of love that will get your tires slashed if you leave me. [a part of me is joking. a part of me is not]
if you leave something in my house or my car and i keep it, it's because i love you. i'm trying to teach you responsibility.
speaking of cars, if i let you drive my car, even when i'm not sleepy, i love you. just make sure my insurance loves you too.
if i feed you, i love you.
if i let you feed me, i trust you. two very different things.
that's all i can think of for now. cheers to my love.

two ears. one mouth.

daddy said, "[insert my real name here, that's how you know he means business] you don't learn anything by talking."

tears almost started welling up in my eyes. almost doesn't count though.  i felt a little twinge in my stomach. my father was so right.  here i was going back and forth for the last few days over words i neither recall, enjoy or wish to repeat.  so instead, i'm just going to stop talking back. i'm just going to listen and learn something about you every time you open your mouth.  that way by the end of the conversation, i won't be worrying about you leaving me but rather deciding if i want to stay.

feelings and behavior are not the same thing

be mad but under no circumstances should you be destructive.

i should have told that to the 23 year old me.

the cutest difference of opinion

her: you sleep on your back which according to this article means you're confident
him: i don't sleep on my back, i sleep on my side
her: how do you know? you're asleep. i know because i see you
him: i only sleep on my back so you can sleep on my chest
and she smiles.

my fashion soulmate.

i know i said i would stop blogging about her but something just feels so familiar.  i mean, anybody that knows me can say with confidence that i would definitely try this look along with the fact that she's sitting in the back of the car and not behind the driver's seat.

at the altar

don't make promises.  take vows.

"i vow to never forget that you are my best friend and that if we don't work, nothing works." <-- i don't know who said that but it makes a lot of sense.  i'm gonna have to squeeze that somewhere in my vows, if i ever take any.

ashton and demi

what's the last thing you got for demi? {for valentine's day}

i bought her a tree, a weeping willow. the sentiment behind it was that if the tree was always weeping, the she will never have to cry again.

i can't say i want a love like someone else's but it's safe to say if love is anything like that, who wouldn't want it?

catch 22

you can't be someone's savior unless you're willing to be their martyr.

glamour

she's from the bronx but everything about her says old hollywood.

halle has been killing the game for FAR TOO LONG.

i've loved every minute of it.

shaun robinson. that's right honey.

p.s. don't let me get rich. i promise i'll wear these gowns to target just because.

still washing my face.

do you remember my self improvement project that i would wash my face more often.  i started washing my face with a cleanser that i actually started to love. but then it ran out and i rushed to the store like a banshee with a clear face of course and i could only find this one....

i might have better reviews if i didn't HATE the smell of citrus and that it only foams, no tingle.  i liked the tingly.  BUT in spite of my own preferences, my face is bright as hell when i'm done using this.  dry as dust, but bright as hell.  needless to say, it's doing what it's supposed to.

and don't mind the fact that it says acne.  i was a little afraid at first too but no worries.

still love this song

i'm still rocking out with bruno mars' song 'grenade.'  and i was lucky enough to actually see the video.  feel free to watch!  i never anticipated the video but it's poetic to say the least and he looks great.  the artistic director should get a nice little bonus.

p.s. in 2011 how many of you will catch a grenade for someone you love and tell them how they ain't sh.t for not doing the same when they said they would?

just believe.

in fifteen minutes, i can learn to love you for a lifetime. there's no smoke and mirrors but there's definitely magic.

fear moves.

sometimes pushing someone away and pushing them over the edge can be the same thing.

had to get my angelou on.

even the nile apologizes to its banks for overstepping its boundaries
rushing forth to assumptions and flooding with disrespect for personal space
the children of mother nature quarrel even when they know she's watching
you see, the fabric of love is seamed with emotions words cannot own
that's why the ones you love can hurt you and it is also why you can hurt the ones you love
but even the nile apologizes to its banks for overstepping its boundaries
rushing forth to assumptions and flooding with disrespect for personal space
they are lovers who know hate well
brushing up against one another in moments of passion
trying to find out whether the other is bluffing when they say, 'next time won't be like this time'
yet and still they force each others hands
pushing and pulling
tearing and bruising the very veins that make the blood flow
but even the nile apologizes to its banks for overstepping its boundaries
rushing forth to assumptions and flooding with disrespect for personal space
it's a funny thing - personal space that is
because when you become one with another person
when your souls tap dance on the brink of ecstasy
when you borrow their oxygen to make your own carbon dioxide
when they feed you their spirit like dinner on a sunday afternoon
there's no such thing as space in a place so f.cking personal
but even the nile apologizes to its banks for overstepping its boundaries
rushing forth to assumptions and flooding with disrespect for personal space
i'm only gonna let you keep brushing up against my rib cage so many times
because eventually you will crack them, exposing my heart and breaking it
but the friction of our bodies will feel so good that i won't be able to tell the difference between the explosion and the demolition
you see, like the nile and its banks, i didn't ask to be paired up with you under the moon that revolves around an earth i don't own
all i know is that you're here, brushing up against my ribs with your water seeping between my thighs and still running from my eyes
all i know is that the nile and its banks have each other as do we
having each other mimicking the nile and its banks
rushing forth with your assumptions and flooding into my arms with your disrespect for my personal space
and i shake my head at this kind of love, this kind of ownership
and i want to call mother nature and tell her to assign me someplace new
maybe in the coral reefs of the caribbean or the dusty mountains of the sahara
but if i leave, who will stop you from rushing forth with your assumptions and flooding with disrespect for personal  space?
who am i without you and who will you be without me?
because even the nile apologizes to its banks for overstepping its boundaries
rushing forth with its assumptions and flooding with disrespect for personal space.

breakfast

tomorrow i'm going to eat porridge for breakfast and i won't be hungry for at least three hours. breakfast made right.

on the job

i fell asleep on the couch in four minutes flat after working for thirteen hours.  when i woke up, i was stuck, like i couldn't get up.  my first thought was that i somehow paralyzed myself in my sleep and my second thought was to open my eyes.  i looked down and my mini me was sleeping on me, probably enjoying her third dream.  i looked at her and laughed.  the only good thing about work is being able to come home.

winter wonderland

who said summertime had to have all the vacations?

queen of r&b

mary j blige turns 40!!!

i'm shaking my head as i write this because there is not enough gratitude in the world to really embody how grateful i am for her music, her style, her struggle and her personality.  mary never hid what made her mary. from the hood to drugs to domestic violence, mary uncovered it all in her albums.  she made it ok to cry, scream and leave him after fifteen years, even if you were the secretary.  mary taught me how to be a woman as crazy as that sounds.  but because relationships are learned the hard way, her albums brought me through the tough times, helped me understand the grief and realize that it's not just me.  it never is just you.  as she hits this beautiful milestone in her life, do yourself a favor, find your favorite mary track and think about what it has done for you.

now me?
SEVEN DAYS. well damn. it changed my life. and you know i have a tendency to date my friends.  when i heard this song, i knew that mary was reading my diary and that invasion of privacy put everything in perspective.  she taught me the truth of vulnerability and how to practice it. needless to say, after all her drama, she eventually found her happy ending.  and if my life is anything like her music, as it has been, mine is on its way.

but sunday we made love, what are we gonna do?

oprah and gayle

somebody's gonna be jealous but oprah said gayle is "the mother she never had, the sister everybody would want and the friend that everybody deserves." if i was oprah, this is my gayle.

GORGEOUS

she's probably gonna kill me for this but it will be a death worth dying.

isn't she beautiful?

simply a perfect example that God's work is hand made, stitched with expertise and primed with love.

3 day weekend

three day weekend for @ms_she...mind you, i haven't gone out this much since i was twenty two and fresh off the assembly line called puberty...i digress...


here are some tweets that embarrass everything i'm trying to stand for as a Christian...the moral high ground less traveled...


@t_lloyd: spandex, flyaways and a headband. they might send me back to DR tonight. [this is known as the Santo Domingo uniform by the ever so intelligent @tori_ah. she keeps me up to date on international standards and practices]


@t_lloyd: A grown man pet @ms_she's hair last night. I know it's luxurious and all but Negro please. @tiffthomp told me to spare him.


@t_lloyd: Then she had one shoe on in the club. I said, But Wait. The next thing I know @ms_she pulled flats out her bra. Word to my stretchmarks. [if you didn't know, i'm completely self conscious but only about my torso. stretchmarks are not a game! if i can't grow my next child in a body other than my own, it might not happen for me]


@t_lloyd: Then @ms_she had two cups talkin about cocoloso and cran/vodka taste good together. Needless to say, it was a done deal.


@t_lloyd: Some questionable songs played, "I gotta donk" [I tapped out] "drop it low" "single ladies," @ms_she did full performances for more cups.


@t_lloyd: So @ms_she washed her hair in the club. Against my advice of course. harlem n.ggas started throwing $. They liked that she was WAVY #rican [dead ass]


@t_lloyd: N.ggas came out of VIP to dance with us. Everybody flashed an engagement ring or a miniature copy of their diploma. #boybye [this is not to say that women with husbands and degrees are too stuck up to dance in the club, this means that just because you're a star on your block doesn't mean we care. the husbands and the degrees are just additional deterrents]


@t_lloyd: We bought her 2 shots of goose. @ms_she drinks them then asks what it was. She screams "u know Goose gets u loose!" b.tch#wenoticed [diddy chose the right one, i secretly hope he chooses @ms_she as a walking advertisement.  drink responsibly folks]


@t_lloyd: Then my favorite song in honor of @manuelmphresh came on. BLACK AND YELLOW. I poured out a little henny 4him. Then a b.tch slipped #myfault? [@manuelmphresh is honestly my 2011 bff...love you long time!]


@t_lloyd: Whisper song played. @ms_she asks @tiffthomp "u wanna play w/ my pantylines?" Tiff declines. @ms_she goes "ok just checkin" continues to sip [i don't wear thongs so i was completely enthused that @ms_she had pantylines to begin with]


@t_lloyd: If some1 spills a drink on ur hair, it doesn't matter if it's moet or Whatever's clever. What matters is this press I have. Look ma, no perm! [@ms_she got her hair done on tuesday and her was DONE on thursday.  i revived her strands only for them to politely wither away the night after. she partied like a rockstar]


@t_lloyd: It was all fun and games till sh.t got real. so u just gonna throw a drink my n.gga? Say no more. [that was the true thought process]


@t_lloyd: Next thing I know 15 of us LEAN all up in the VIP ready to slap the new cast of HARLEM WORLD with their own bottles. Security looked scared. [the only thing i can say is this: we were going to f.ck the club up!]


@t_lloyd: so sincere tho “@TiffThomp: WAIT! lol @T_lloyd do u remember tellin @Ms_She this "bitch you have a 401K why the fuck are you picking up these harlem ass Dollar bills!


@t_lloyd: LMFAO “@Cohen10552: If we ever go out for @Ms_She b-day again....I'm putting some bread in my purse. I got tired of her asking me for some lol.”


@t_lloyd: Morals of the story: dont hit the dougie in a one strap dress unless of course that's what you're into. [@vina_love gives dougie lessons if you need them. i did]


@t_lloyd: Moral #2: attractive women with husbands, fiancees, b/fs, diplomas & 401ks can still be from the gutter meaning u can get ur ass whooped. [it is what it is on that one]


@t_lloyd: Moral #3 camera phones are everywhere. @ms_she can NEVER get famous without us getting paid too. #gotcha b.tch [i'm trying to have a cameo on VH1 driven]


@t_lloyd: Moral #4. We are officially too old for this sh.t. Catch us next time tearing up a nursing home near you! =)


For those who enjoyed...
“@TurnMyMicUp: BEST RECAP EVER RT @T_Lloyd: lol I apologize for the documented f.ckery “@i_heartLa: @T_Lloyd Literally laughing out loud over here! #icant”


“@Ms_Niney2U: This recap from @T_Lloyd is absolutely hilarious”


@t_lloyd: Finally somebody understands lol “@prototype_love: Ahahhahahaah I'm dying at @T_Lloyd and @TiffThomp they're so rude but mean no harm lol”

featuring @ms_she and @aamiragarba

this recap was brought to you by the effects of cocoloso and working a nine to five.

i'm in the mood

had some of the best food of my life with some of the best people in my life.
sipped wine, talked fidelity and laughed over sex in cars with boys.

i looked at the woman to my left and the woman to my right, noticing subtle differences that implied their growth.  here we were, years later from the moment we met crying and laughing about what our lives had in store for us.  there was a time when our priorities included shoes and classes, now we were talking marriage, children, relocating and shoes. [we're never gonna stop talking about shoes]  tiffany and i were dressed in all black with matching scarves. we didn't do it on purpose seeing as we got dressed in two separate places but after living together and being the left to each other's right, neither of us was surprised.  while we drove all over the city looking for the third part of the equation, it was only right we got a few jokes in.

'are you gonna make an illegal u turn?'
'no. i would not make an illegal u turn on such a big street like this.'
'you're lying! you're making it.'
'but you knew that though.'
'you're right.'

we caught up on the night before.
a happy hour that was ecstatic actually. happy birthday to @ms_she.
laughing and joking with beautiful women and handsome men who are still striving for the best in every endeavor, while remaining humble in the ones they've mastered.  as soon as i walked out my front door, i was happy to be in the company of someone supportive and yet inspiring.  as we walked  into the venue, it was all smiles.  someone got a little flirty with a slice of an orange and i apparently looked genuinely happy letting someone else make me happy.  but back to dinner and reminiscing about life, love and the orange. we've come to realize that we're growing up, making decisions dedicated to enhancing our lives.  we're dating without the drama.  like him or love him, there's no point in hiding it. but back to the happy hour.  looking around, it was clear - we were growing up. and though, i'm not going to pretend we're living fairytales, i think it's more impressive that we're facing reality with bright eyes and open arms instead.

but for now, i'm happy and i'm finally admitting that.

simply stunning