i'm having a moment

I'm not gonna play you but I'm certainly not gonna play myself.

I want what I want when I want it and when I don't, I want someone who understands that...even if that means I don't want you anymore.

The thing w/ love is that u end up loving someone else's reflection more than your own. But I just wanna wake up & recognize myself.

Monogamy is sometimes 2 close 2 monotonous which is 2 damn close to mediocre for me. There's something superior about versatility.

I've loved with the best of them but I need to evoke more feelings than that - inspiration, motivation, passion, even anger.

I don't wanna just feel someone, I want to feel SOMETHING, a lot of things.

At the end of the day, a n.gga is always gonna be a n.gga. Fine. But is it so bad to wake up & want to be different, to be better?

I don't want to make you MY world, I want to give you the world but first I have to acquire it. Let me.

this concludes my twitter rant for the morning.  while this has nothing to do with someone i'm dealing with, it has a lot to say about the people i can't deal with.  i'm just confused. it's like some of us want relationships so bad that we just accept ANY kind.  and of course i understand that relationships have their highs and lows but DAMN. being stalemate can make me resentful. if it doesn't feel good, then what is the point?  for instance, one of my besties recently broke up with her fiance and i can't tell you how proud i am of her.  do you know how brave that seems to me?  that's like saying, i would rather NOT use my heart than let you break it.  that's damn near a declaration stating, "i found happiness with you and i'm pretty sure i can find some more of it elsewhere." who knew thugs could maneuver love that well?

i'm just saying, i don't think love should make room for stalemates and pauses depending on history to carry it into tomorrow.  i want to love you every day in a renewed form.  and honestly waking up to the same person every day sounds insane to me so when you wake up next to me, i want you to see a better version of me every single time.  i want you to keep finding reasons for falling in love with me.  i don't want to be the girl that says, "of course i love him. back in 96 we went on our first vacation and in 2002, we had our first child. oh yeah in 2006, he took care of me when i had the flu." but what about today? am i talking about a man i loved versus the man i love? is this love current or is it a memory that is so familiar that i just keep replaying it because i ran out of new material a long time ago?  i think i've learned a very crucial lesson this morning.  someone you loved and someone you love are not always the same person.  do i understand that sometimes i have to love you with my reserve tank? absolutely. for instance.  sometimes you're going to be busy and he's going to be busy and you're not going to have the time you would like to spend together (time necessary to renew your love).  in times like that, go to your reserve tank.  if you both decided to be faithful, then be that.  stick it out because you said you would, even when sometimes you might not feel like it.  go the extra mile and do little things that let the person know that this love is still here even when you/he can't be.  but let's not forget...RESERVE TANKS ONLY GET YOU SO FAR.  THEY ONLY CARRY YOU TO THE REST STOP TO REFILL, RECOUP AND GET BACK ON THE ROAD.  some of you (and i have once upon a time) are running your reserve tanks dry without even making it to the rest stop.  

if he/she is not the person (or a better version of the person) you loved in 96 anymore then you can do two things: 1. find the person you loved in 96 or 2. realize that it's 2011 and find someone you can love now.