little women

little boys play with us like barbie dolls on sunday afternoons with sleeping parents in the next room
silicone breasts and disproportionate thighs get mishandled through the sunshine of project windows
the dusk falls over our shoulders like an invitation for monsters to come out of the closet
but we don't know fear
the darkest of actions happen in the light of day
so monsters couldn't scare us unless they looked like us
unless they had our eyes and mimicked our tiny hands
no one was afraid of what we didn't know
whatever had us clutch rosary beads
and count enough hail mary's to find God in her was right in front of us
right between us
hand prints on our inner thighs grasping the very life of us
the immortality of a sacred womb, a pure womb
the womb, not with a child but within a child
we were barbie dolls playing house of horrors with sleeping parents in the next room
torn princess panties and stained undershirts
g.i. joe was in the business of saving lives, not virginities
and so we played quietly into our own destinies
not knowing that childhood games would turn into adult issues
and dares would turn into truths we would never speak of
we imagined ourselves to be in the likeness of snow white and cinderella
but an evil stepmother is better than a wicked brother or an uncle who gives you poison in the shape of apples and tells you it's good for you
we were young but more importantly we were fragile
we were shards of experiences bundled under the stench of similac in between stinging double dutch ropes
bouncing off the pavement straight into the land of nightmares
we peed the bed just so no one would sleep in it with us
because no one did any sleeping
tossing our bodies instead of turning the pages in coloring books
little boys played with us like barbie dolls
until games were not just songs anymore
until sleepless nightmares turned into therapy sessions
until girls decided to kill themselves and let women take over
we were not born barbie dolls
we will not die barbie dolls
but we never had the chance to be little girls instead