“You and I are not in vain”
I slowly unwound myself from the strings of him and tied whatever was left into a bundle for this gentleman before me
Had this been a proposal?
The foreshadowing to some motherf.cking sunshine?
Three months earlier, I found myself drunk loving the sexiest mouth I had ever seen
Sobering up had taken longer than I expected
In and out of rehab trying to hold myself over with hits of him
My veins had even been tired from injecting myself with hope I found in pay phones on deserted street corners
I felt like I was never going to love again
Like I had mysteriously forgotten the own language of my tongue
Like I kept opening my fridge with not enough contents to make a meal but it kept me happy enough to know that if I had one I could store it there
I wanted to tell him that his shadow hovered over me at night
That the memory of him was indeed a living thing
Breathing loudly in my most private moments
I almost called the new man his name
In my apology, I promised to take his pain if he took mine
It would have been amazing to see him carry a burden as heavy as you
To see how much he loved me from scratch
But when he said that “You and I are not in vain,” I thought back
To the historic love that I would have said the same thing for
And I wondered if my grandmother was right
If my heart could love someone purely for loving me first
I wanted to know how selfless I could be
Looking into a man’s eyes with another one in my heart
I traveled to Egypt in my mind to sit at the base of the pyramids and scream your name into the bricks just to see if you bounced back into me
The sun mocked my innocence
And the cherry blossoms bloomed in your absence
Springtime arrived at our funeral while winter sat back in a bitter daze
Every time he says that him and I are not in vain, I think of you and how much vain has cost me
How much time has lost me
And how much you avoid me to make it easier to stop loving me
You are like an oil spill in my bathroom
It’s a slippery slope but it feels good laying down
Me loving you is offensive and him loving me is pathetic
Broken women are not to be handled but sent back to their maker to obtain some kind of warranty
Some kind of insurance that the product that has been put into the world is damaged and all sales are final
No reimbursement for the water I made for you
I built a river on top of you
And to think...never bring a man to water he can’t swim in
Him and I are not in vain at all
For he who breaks a girl is not stronger than the man who rebuilds a woman.
2 comments:
let me find out?? Tassy from one writer 2 another..u are beyond talented!! love ur work. Meet you at da top ma -Sean Brownlowe
I was trying to catch up and finally got to this post knowing within an instant that I wanted to read it but alas, I'm in a rush so I cannot. I accidentally scrolled to the bottom and read, "For he who breaks a girl is not stronger than the man who rebuilds a woman." Tell it!!!! I will be back to finish but I wanted to take a minute to say, that in a time where there are more people who watch backwards television than read books, I am glad there is you to lead us all back toward true words & fantastic writing. Not only do I believe in your talents, I believe in you. Keep up the good work :)
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