I think the human race doesn't have enough of them and in our efforts to function, we often forget to maintain. We forget to go to the basics. We spend so much time trying to move forward or convincing ourselves that right where we are isn't too bad that we forget to GO BACK AND ANALYZE. This is the theory of sankofa which literally means "go back and get it." Go back and get what makes you, you.
I say all that to say, this weekend was full of active, life changing, wall shaking dialogue. The kind of dialogue that causes you to look in the scariest place for answers - the mirror. Are you doing enough? Why is your success small when your dreams are so big? Are the things you want congruent to the things you need? Are the people around you your icons or just "yes men?" Are you placing yourself in an environment to not only sustain but excel?
I find that as of late, I've been badgering myself with these questions. If I fall asleep unexpectedly I'll get upset at the work I didn't accomplish but then I remind myself that my body is my most important project and one night of sleep might be more beneficial that I appreciate. It has also become quite apparent that what attracts me to other people has changed. Though I've always admired what I call "The Brilliant Mind," I can honestly say I've avoided falling in love with many that were born with that blessing. If there are 100 men with brilliant minds, I know about 70 of them legitimately. Ironically by the grace of God and good genes, they are most often physically attractive as well. : fans self : BUT I always put them in the friend zone (at least emotionally anyway). I make the male population of brilliant minds my friends, my peers, my business partners/advisors. And trust me that's a great thing to have but considering I want to share my life with someone like that, why have I been so closed off to loving that brilliant mind in more than a platonic fashion? Why out of 70 brilliant men have I only taken the time and energy to fall in love with 1? I'll tell you why.
BECAUSE I'M A BYSTANDER IN MY OWN LOVE LIFE.
Read that three more times. I am a bystander in my own love life. In fact, one man who I love more than pie despite NOT having the brilliant mind gene, when we split, it wasn't the broken heart that had me in tears. I was more agitated and hurt that I had compromised my own brilliant mind for that relationship. I compromised my needs for my desires. I loved him for the man he was but I fought him for not being the kind of man that I actually need. Our minds were not aligned even though we had moved heaven and earth to try. I spent two years loving everything else besides what I needed most - his mind. Please don't get me wrong about the brilliant mind gene. It's not that he wasn't brilliant because he is but the brilliance in my theory rests more on the activation of it. The brilliant mind is a compassionate one, an artistic one, a vulnerable one, a visionary, a person who decides to make everything around them just a little bit better. For me, a brilliant mind is God like with its mercy on mankind. And for me to acknowledge that is also the acknowledgment that maybe I've passed up sooooo many gentlemen with this gift because I have feared taking responsibility for my own. If I never said another word about changing the world or having and impact on people everyday, the ex with the not so brilliant mind wouldn't even notice. If I had a nine to five and did nothing more or less, he would be okay with that. I can't fault him for that because those nine to fivers make the world turn. They are responsible for maintaining the "ordinary" so that extraordinary can exist. But I don't want to make the world turn, I want to make it shake and I want a man who is not afraid of my earthquakes of excellence.
Now, watch how this brings me to my next point. My homegirl who falls under the Brilliant Mind category and who is also a humanities/social sciences veteran (damn right!!) said something that changed me and HEALED me in a room of fifteen other people.
"STOP WASTING TIME ON THE THINGS YOU ARE NOT GOOD AT. STOP WASTING TIME ON THINGS THAT WILL NEVER WORK."
Stop the muh'f.ckin presses. Everybody put your twitter, your Instagram, your f.cking MySpace away. Something real has been said. Gospel has been spoken. The Holy Spirit has decided to join us. I looked around the room and asked her to repeat it. Everybody had to shut up.
"STOP WASTING TIME ON THE THINGS YOU ARE NOT GOOD AT. STOP WASTING TIME ON THINGS THAT WILL NEVER WORK."
The Cruz Theory as I like to call that goes against the cliche theory that instructs us to appreciate our strengths but work on our weaknesses. What the f.ck for? I will never be good at boiling eggs. Don't laugh. It doesn't matter what or when I try to make them, I f.ck it up somehow. I either forget that I'm boiling them so I over cook them or I'm so impatient that I take them out before the yolk hardens. I'm nearly into my third decade of life. If I don't just scramble them sh.ts and keep it moving...
Anyway...I will never be good at loving a man without a brilliant mind. My identity simply isn't built like that and unfortunately we don't get credit for wasting time. You can have 100 credits at Temple university but if your major calls for 121, you're not a Temple university graduate. PERIOD. There is no reward without an outcome. Do I still love him? Of course. But that's not a good enough reason to waste precious moments he could be spending with a nine to fiver he relates to. I wasn't good at being his partner and I probably never will be. So instead of attempting to strengthen that weakness to a level of mediocrity (at best), why not challenge myself to love a man of equal stature? Why not provoke opportunities of being my best self by being with someone who requires that of me? Why not hold myself accountable for the responsibility of loving a brilliant mind instead of just admiring one? Why don't I just stop wasting time at something or being someone I'm simply not good at? It doesn't make me a lesser woman if when I prioritize my strengths and my weaknesses, I choose to focus on the strengths.
So in terms of the Cruz theory, I leave you with this. If you judge a fish on his ability to climb a tree, you'll never consider him a genius. Why be ok with something or someone when you can be the best at something else or with someone else?
If you constantly focus on your weaknesses, aren't your strengths weakened?
2 comments:
I am impressed. That's it.
Wow. This makes me uncomfortable. In a good way.
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