The depth

Let's get one thing straight.  I am not bitter, I am not hurt, I am not a wounded bird unable to fly.  

I have been bitter, I have been hurt, I have been wounded.  That's my past.  And it has become all too clear that young women were not told of these dangers when they learned fairytales in the shadows of their night lights.  

This is not my diary.  

This is my salvation, my freedom, my testimony that women are not reflections of weaker men but rather mountains sometimes covered by dancing clouds.  All too often, I see women being doormats because not being loved by the right person often leaves us to seek being loved by just anyone.  

This writing is the decision to NOT be anyone's mattress anymore.
The decision to love unconditionally ONLY to men and women who work for it like a second job.
The decision to not only forgive ex-boyfriends but to forgive myself for not knowing how sometimes.
The decision to take responsibility for MY PART.  
The decision to open my legs only when my heart is open.
The decision to do better because I've done too much of the 'worse.'
The decision to surround myself with my own joy.
The decision to be thankful, but in order to be thankful for the healing, I have to admit that there are wounds here, there are scars here.
So yes, it may sound like I'm in pain.  That's the point, there is pain in this world and I want for you, more than anything, to know that through whatever pain you come across, you will get through it.  Someone has been through it before you.  Someone has survived.  Someone has lived through swollen eyes, a broken heart and an empty bed.  
Pain happens and we don't talk about it enough.
Too many of us are running around pretending to be happy, living a facade of ecstasy.  Stop pretending.  Stop being empty.  Stop accepting the temporary. 

Demand the unconditional. 

Require the permanent.  

Live for the better.

So, yes if it sounds like I'm still living through my own circus of pain, that's the point.  
I'm a writer.  I bring things to life and if you felt nothing when you came here, then I am no better than your false lovers, I am no better than the men who left you broken, I am no better than the women who have lied to you while resting on your chest.

If I didn't tell you the truth then you would forget that it exists.  This is not my story, this is OUR story.