flashback

"there are no rules, just a mutual respect." 


there's a very thin line between privacy and professionalism. and i do feel like i owe it to my writing to be completely honest.  however, there are special things that are only reserved for the people who inspire them.  so as many things as i actually share, there are far more that i do not.  


do you know what i like about the internet? or at least blogs? (this one and livingproverb.tumblr.com)  they are little animated journals that remind of where i've been, who i was with and how i felt.  now granted i could just keep a real journal/scrapbook or rather write one, but as great as that seems, let's face it, typing is way easier than scrapbooking. it's also very lonely.  i guess i share these things online because sometimes, i believe these things are only happening in my head but YOU always remind me that it's happening in yours too and some journeys are better with company.  so i decided to go through a few of MY FAVORITE POSTS and even explain the inspiration behind them.


Let a good thing be good
my grandmother is a seamstress so sewing has always had a special place in my heart.  she had us (my cousins and i) sewing before we could do anything else.  she even made my prom dress and i hope that one day she'll make my wedding dress.  sewing taught me a lot about patience and the ability to make something beautiful and intricate out of something so plain and simple.  the art of sewing honestly taught me more about relationships than i ever thought possible.  the person who spoke the words that ended up being the title is actually the same astrological sign as my grandmother which is how i connected it to the piece.  the two of them remind me so much of one another because of their 'tough love' approach.  and i think the piece is genuinely about love and what it takes to build it and i share that with these two people.  one i was born to love and the other i might end up loving till my last breath.  it's just about the process of growth and the special attention each piece really needs to thrive.  my favorite line has to be "whether i gain my footing or whether i gain weight, we can make alterations to accommodate the space that no longer lives between us."  it's definitely a thank you to my grandmother for building the foundation to the empire that i share with a special person.


Skinny b.tches are evil
definitely one of my FAVORITES! so much dialogue came from this one piece.  it was well needed though.  i definitely felt like and still feel like everything about my appearance fools people into believing that i don't have any insecurities so i figured i would clear that up.  i chose weight because i was literally shocked that 'skinny' women aren't considered 'real' women.  i have a uterus just like the b.tch who said that...i'm getting tight again.  but basically i thought it was important to address that we have the same insecurities just in different sizes.  i am so thankful for everyone who commented and took a minute to be vulnerable and hash it out.  it was one of those things that bring on the laughter and the tears...beautiful nonetheless.


anne sexton
her story is so intriguing to me.  there's a lot of women in history who were celebrated from the outside meanwhile being tortured on the inside. sometimes i feel like i am one of those women so i try to pay homage to their struggle.  whatever struggle someone is going through is never easy and i have a special place in my heart for the writers.  a lot of people think that we share too much or we don't like what someone says, it's our fault for putting it out there in the first place but i've realized that as much as one writes, there is ten times more that they don't so i like to not only address but show respect to the internal battle we face.  the prettiest words come from such ugly places.  i couldn't imagine the person i would be if i didn't share these thoughts with someone so i decided to write alongside with her because i admire her talent and i do believe that is a conversation we could have had.  it was very different from the writing i usually do but it was also very honest to the point where sometimes when i read it, i can see the pain of it.  she's just deep to me and we all know you can't swim in shallow waters.


thumper
favorite line..."we were only rearranging the furniture so we could make more room for our dreams."  i think this piece was written from a very vulnerable place.  i really felt this way.  i was hitting a turning point in something that wasn't a relationship.  i was at that line where friendship could only be a default because i was starting to want more and i was not comfortable with that at all.  it was so unexpected and so fresh.  definitely out of the blue.  i had trouble believing these words were coming out of me.  it was a light hearted piece but very symbolic of the journey i was undertaking.  i was about to show my cards for a game i didn't even want to play.  it's sexual and emotional all at the same time but it was still at a point when sex couldn't save me.  my emotions were overriding the physicality of the bond.  it is a very naive piece and for me that is rare so i cherish it.


honesty is so damn crafty
this is a true story. verbatim. it's actually a few days after i wrote THUMPER and you can definitely see me struggling with how i felt, what i deserved and what i was willing to ask for.  i wasn't comfortable at all with where i stood and what position i was playing.  much love to the homegirl setting me straight.  sometimes the gray area does get old even when we're too young to admit it.  in the end, i came to terms with the fact that i was feeling something and the risk is there but i had to believe he was worth it to express that.  funny reading it back now because then i was like 'omg.' but all is well that ends well.  


i have a few more but i'll let you catch up first.