Does Love Conquer All?

It was just one of those things – loving him provocatively and innocently at the same time.  It was a balance I had perfected.

If your first love and your first boyfriend/girlfriend is the same person then this isn’t for you.  In fact, let me just say that you are truly blessed so go forth and be merry.  But for many of us, the first love is more like a second chance.  When I say ‘first,’  I’m not talking numerically. I’m talking the kind of love that marriages are made from.  I’m talking about the love that is so different, that every love before that seems to pale in comparison; the kind of love that is so unique, that you feel almost obligated to call it your first because it convinces you that it should be your last. 

Numerically, my first love was magical and no I’m not saying that to imply that it was some kind of illusion.  Him and I did love one another and we were very compatible but it fell apart.  Maybe we weren’t mature enough, maybe someone cheated, maybe someone lied but either way, our love wasn’t enough.  We needed much more to sustain, to grow and to ultimately become one.  We failed one another as partners but learned from one another.  He taught me to how to be vulnerable, how to trust again and how to believe in my own capabilities.  He also taught me that love does not conquer all.

But having been years removed from that love, I find myself wondering when my ‘first’ [not the numerical first] love will happen or if it has happened already.  When will I get a second chance at a first love?  Am I in the midst of my second chance as we speak?  Though I like to give any credit deserved to the numerical first love, I am anticipating my second chance.  I am curious to know what it feels like to engulfed by a love so grand.  I want to know the feeling of a love that inspires to be a better person and partner.  I’m wondering if the person I’m kissing now is the person I’ll be kissing last.

Why doesn’t anyone tell you that more often times than not, that the numerical first love is the equivalent to training wheels.  You get your scrapes and bruises until you learn how to pedal and then after throwing caution to the wind, you ride that bike with all the faith in your own two feet.  Maybe someone told you, but no one told me.  My mother’s first love turned out to be the love for her entire life and though she might have wanted the same thing for me, she certainly didn’t or couldn’t rather, prepare for the contrary.  My numerical first love was just that, a number on the timeline known as my womanhood and though I’m glad he’s where I started, there’s a reason [at least for right now] that he’s not where I am. 

The thing I like most about the second chance is that you get to apply some of the things you picked up on your way to it.   You learned something on your own.  You have completed your own trial and error and if the person you want comes your way [Glory be to God], you have finally reached a point where you’ve worked hard enough to enjoy them.

I truly believe that the UNPRECEDENTED love is the first love, even if it is boyfriend/girlfriend #3.  Currently, I’m in a space where I feel like I’m doing everything for the first time.  Things that I never cherished are now sacred and sentimental.  Things that I have never said in the past are now my most commonly used phrases and for the first time, I feel like practice is over.  Could my second chance be approaching?    Will I be ready to use what I’ve learned to nourish the love that I’ve dreamed of?  Having learned that love doesn’t conquer all, will I finally conquer love?  Most importantly, will you?