interview 5

I've been gone since November...I have a little explaining to do.

Everybody's been looking for you! Where have you been?

Not everybody, just a few loyal friends. Ha.  Um. I've been sleeping to be honest.  My schedule got crazy SO fast so I'm still trying to adjust.  I barely find time to eat or sleep much less write but after seeing some of these comments, my absence is heartbreaking and disappointing, at least to me.

Yeah, where is your comments page? 

It's still not finished which is also very frustrating.  I can't decide what will be the easiest layout but I still keep up with the comments.  As of late, they've just been reminding me that I'm not writing as much as I used to and they're absolutely right.  I'm not living like I used to either and that's where the problem comes in.  But I feel like I have to approach this like a second job because that's the only way this is going to happen.

You haven't even told us about the first job.  How is it?

Oh well, it's a job and I genuinely love it.  It does so many things to me.  I can't tell you where I work but I will say that it's not a glamourous job at all but I don't have anything to complain about.  I've met some hilarious people and I'm learning something every day.  It's a blessing pretty much and I accept it as such.  Nothing more, nothing less.

Do you miss writing?

You have no idea.  I miss writing like I don't even know.  It's like I haven't come home in weeks.  I haven't been able to get comfortable.  I've found myself screaming on the inside wishing I had the time to cuddle up and just write until my fingers get cramped, which has actually never happened.  That either means that love never tires or I'm not writing enough.  I'm sure both can be true.  I've noticed that since I haven't been writing, I'm a lot more emotional and emotions explode when they don't have a suitable outlet.  I literally wanted to bang my head against the wall!  I was a mess for a few weeks.  I even cried from one thing that ended up with me crying about a million things.  Bless the soul that calmed me down because I was a sniffling wreck, in public at that.

You had an emotional breakdown in public?

Hmm. Tell me about it.  It was definitely too many things happening at once. But I needed that.  I needed that moment to really tell myself, I have no choice but to adjust and to regain my balance.  I had let someone come in and disrupt the little peace I had and then on top of that, make me feel like I wasn't worthy of experiencing good things.  It was a mess.  But when someone makes you feel beautiful in the midst of your mess, I have to believe that happiness is a choice and I'm going to make it!

I know being vague is your thing, but can we squeeze out some specifics?

Vague is definitely my thing but I'm not going to speak ill of anyone so I'll try my best. Between a strained relationship with the father of my child, a difference of opinion between my best friends and I, a lack of food and sleep and trying to figure out what I want and what I'm willing to give in a relationship, it was just over the top.  I was going to crack somebody's skull open and walk away.  I try really hard to stay calm and it certainly takes practice with a temper like mine but I really wanted to cuss everybody out, at least everybody that pissed me off.  There was no more being rational.  Me being nice wasn't working.  I was ready to f.ck it all up.

That is a lot.  Are you feeling better?

That's not even the half but yes I'm feeling a lot better.  But that's not denying the fact that who wants it, can get it.  I didn't forget.

You said someone made you feel beautiful so is it safe to assume that all is well in the love department?

There are a couple people that make me feel beautiful but with that person in particular, it is something very unique, very exclusive, very challenging.  It's definitely something that I think about every single day, something I would like to preserve.

Hmm.  Does he consider himself lucky?

Absolutely not.  I'm nothing but trouble. :Laughs:

What's the most interesting thing that has happened to you in the last week?

Oh! I met someone that reminds me of my ex, in a good way though.  He's brilliant.  Young and brilliant and I think it's the weirdest thing ever.  That's actually pretty funny.

What does that do for your interaction with him?

Nothing in particular.  Sometimes I just stare because I'm just in awe that two people can be that much alike and not know each other at all.

How are your exes?

Great question.  I don't know.

Is that on purpose?

It's not by accident.

Fair enough.  One more question.  Will you ever call someone your boyfriend?

Yes.  It usually goes right after ex.