we can call it love for now.

i must admit for a long time i didn't think i was good enough for a certain type of love and when i say long time, i mean five years.  the term single mother plays with your mind.  it means way more than just raising a child alone, soon enough, it means being alone or settling into relationships that were unfulfilling in some way shape or form.  however, i've realized two things in the past week.


1. i deserve love. the kind of love that gushes through bad days and gives you that glow that nobody can place their finger on.  the kind of love that answers the phone in the middle of your sleep because dreaming isn't as fun without them.  the kind of love the reels excitement at the mention of their name and the kind of love that holds fast in times of heartache.  the kind of love that's still love despite bad hair days, menstrual cycles and his team not even making it to the superbowl.  we deserve an everlasting and unconditional love and we deserve someone to give it to.


2. i have to stop loving by accident.  i have to stop loving someone just because they're there, taking up space, whether it's in my life or in my ...well, you get the point.  love shouldn't be by default, it shouldn't be a pimple, wake up one day, it's there so you deal with it. it will eventually disappear and usually faster than you even notice. so no, i shouldn't love you because the sex was good or because no one else is around.  i should love you with intent.  i want to love with the best intentions.  i want to prepare myself for loving you with all i have in the time i've been given.  i want to love you because you deserve it, because you make me feel good with these extra pounds and my unorganized purse that i can never find my keys in.  i want to love you not because we have great conversations but rather because we don't have to talk to speak.  i want to love you because i have counted your flaws but i lost count trying to keep up with all the good things about you.  i want to love you because it's not easy and it never will be, not with demanding schedules and facebook, but you're worth it.  


to be honest we are not always patient, we're definitely NOT always kind...
you we can get very jealous, we brag and we're even arrogant...
we can be provoking. we do not always take into account the wrong suffered
sometimes we rejoice in the GREEN BAY PACKERS, unrighteousness.
we can be boastful, conceited and rude, sometimes all in one day.
and your pride is a muthaf.cka....
even when we forget to protect one another, trust one another or hope for the best...
LOVE DOES NONE OF THESE THINGS....
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes in all things and endures all things, even when we cannot.