"I used to search your face in shadows and my reflection in parked cars and toasters, crooked lines and dreams that fell short by bed sides. I used to doubt you as faith played hummingbird in the silence of my ear...I used to wonder if your forehead ever wrinkled in disappointment when you saw me not acting like a queen. Did your head ever collapse in your hand when you saw me acting too human for wings? Did you ever for a second, consider giving up on me, when I was too stubborn to see the God in me? Did you ever think about leaving me? Like maybe our fear of heights make us too scared to find the heavens or maybe we are too stupid to count our blessings.…Did you ever, for a second question your love for me?God, in my eyes you are a taller, dark carpenter of a man with rusted and tired hands from molding beauty for so long. Did we gray all your hair? Are your shoulders bent over with the shape of the world engraved in your spine? Are there stabs wounds decorating the softness of your back from angels who too flew too close to the sun and sons who did not die close enough to angles? Did you bleed rubies or cry diamonds on cold and lonely nights before hearing voice mails from your children who stuttered your name into the darkness of their bedrooms?
Did you ever tighten your fists after realizing too many prayers ended in question marks instead of Thanks, Good Night Father, I love you no matter where this world takes me I'll hold onto you. You are a wonderful God, I would never stop loving you. Are you tired Lord? Sick of holding the unkindness of a human on your hands of bloody and bruised did Jesus inhale his palms from you? Does your heartbeat stutter within your chest? Do you get cranky and bitter when broken hearts wake you up out your sleep at night. God, I know us humans have a thing for dancing on the edge of your sanity and playing hide and go seek with faith. And sometimes there isn't enough singing in the air for the holiest of us, to choke on but i insist on catching my breath for you, holding your name on the edge of my tongue. I know little girls who've forgotten that you were there first love but I promise when I make my way to your door, I'll fix your tired voice, tea with honey and a little thanksgiving I'll hand you back my heart. I'll thank you for letting me borrow a soul beautiful enough to call your own. I will hang my flesh on a wired hanger in your closet, I'll wrap my spine around your wrist. Just promise me until i have strength to pull myself up you'll hold on to me and allow these angels to sing for me."
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