it seems men my age or around my age despise the titles boyfriend and girlfriend no matter how appropriate they may be. boyfriend is defined as a 'male friend with whom a person is romantically or sexually involved; sweetheart or lover.' the two men i spoke with prefer the term parole officer, when describing the person who can be defined as their girlfriend. why? i have absolutely no idea. but if i'm anyone's parole officer, i'm not sure i want to be. i don't want anyone to feel burdened by my presence or obligated by my needs and wants. being a 'parole officer' takes away from the beauty of companionship, the fair trade of power, effort and vulnerability. being a 'parole officer' makes the whole relationship seem more like an obligation as opposed to a choice and forgive me if i want to be the best choice you make.
i'm not sure what the expectations are when people call each other boyfriend or girlfriend and i'm not sure what changes between the two when titles are added on. it's been a while since i've been in a relationship. from first glance though, it seems like someone is just avoiding the responsibility that comes along with commitment, which is fine as long as you don't sleep with me, call me, date me, meet my friends, meet my family, remember my birthday or pay for the movies. if you do all those things, you're a boyfriend, whether you put it on facebook or not. you're in a relationship. from my own experience, i think i've had a problem with being someone's girlfriend because i didn't want to be a guarantee. what if in the morning, i realize i don't want to call you anymore or what if i don't want to meet your mother? if i'm not your girlfriend, there's no guarantee. but as boyfriends and girlfriends, i think that every morning you decide to make an effort to make your partner happy and if you can't, to change that as fast as possible. it's like a guarantee that you will keep trying. that in itself is a big responsibility and i completely understand the fear of it. but i wish men would just say that.
i'll even give you a script.
"hey, i like you and i love sleeping with you. right now, everything's going well. it's easy to talk to you and to laugh with you and we genuinely have a good time together. but if we hit a rough patch, i'm not sure this is worth the effort. i may not want to deal with this if it gets difficult. i may not wanna hear much about your feelings past horny and happy. i'm just saying, if i change my mind, i don't want to have to deal with the aftermath."
now if y'all said that, i wouldn't get emotionally involved. i wouldn't give you that vulnerability. i'll keep it all smiles with you. if i'm having a bad day, i just won't call you and if you happen to call me, i won't pick up. if there's a movie i think you would like to see, i'll suggest you go see it, but i won't ask to go with you. in fact, we don't even have to have real conversations, just the shallow kind. you know, the kind of conversations that talk about television shows, pop culture and politics. we won't talk about your family or my friends and we won't ever talk about children. i won't tell you my dreams or listen to the details of your job. and i'll only hold your hand when we're having sex to get the angle right.
honestly, i don't want to be your parole officer. i just wanna set you free.
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