To my friends with estrogen

Let me start by saying that I love women.  I believe our struggles are so unique and complicated and don't receive enough attention.  It truly bothers me when a queen doesn't recognize the beauty of her own kingdom.  @Tiffthomp reminded me that I wrote a letter to myself/the younger generations of women somewhere on this blog.  I have absolutely no recollection of it but I did watch Tatyana Ali's letter to her younger self.  So in an ode to all women and a slap to my failing memory, I am inspired to remind you of a few things I haven't forgotten yet.


Know that everything will be okay.  One night during my pregnancy, I was miserable.  I had convinced myself that everything around me was falling apart and I wanted to die.  I prayed that God wouldn't wake me up the following morning and that He would offer my mother comfort when I was gone.  I figured, at least that way, my baby and I could always be together, I could always protect her and we would no longer be a burden on anyone. I closed my eyes that night, hoping that it would be the last time and before I fell asleep, my body started feeling light.  I felt ok, for the first time in months, I felt relaxed and something inside of me said, "No matter what happens, know that you will be okay. You will be okay."  I've never felt more at ease.  Even know, years later, sometimes stress overwhelms me and I have at least one good breakdown every 6-7 months, but I know that everything will be okay.  You need to know that.  Walk in faith.  You are unconquerable, you were made that way.  Things can fall apart but know that you won't.  The minute you accept that the outcome will be okay in every problem that will arise, you will realize that you have fewer problems.  


I can't stress enough how important it is to understand humanity.  You are human but don't forget that we are dealing with other humans.  We are imperfect, we make mistakes, we make bad decisions, we are selfish, we are blind but know when you've got a good heart in your chest and know when you've got a good heart in your hands.  I'm not saying forgive every Tom, Dick and Harry for the repetitive offenses.  I'm saying that sometimes you have to think outside of your own mind.  Try to understand where other people are coming from, it might help you get to where you're going.  I hear all the time that I have a rare mind and as beautiful of a compliment that is, it doesn't stop me from trying to understand others.  I like my train of thought but I'm still curious of others.  The way your mind works is not intentional.  It is a biological and environmental set of occurrences strewn together that help you view the world.  Opening your mind to someone else's doesn't negate your own.  Learn by letting others teach you what they've learned as well.


Your body is not a playground.  Lord if I knew that six years ago.  These hands, these breasts these eyes, these thighs, this arch in my back is art sculpted by the most divine hands.  Two people came together to build beauty in the flesh.  I have thirteen chromosomes from each parent as a blend to become whatever I want to be.  I am a single night turned into a miracle. So are you.  No one is entitled to you.   Is sex fun?  Is kissing fun? Yes. Yes. Yes.  But looking back, the most intimate moments can be so much more subtle than those two things.  Brush my hair out of my face, put your hand in the small of my back to guide me through a door, massage me shoulder while we watch tv - these small gestures can be just as important.  They can show you love long before you take a risk that may or may not be worth it.  Sex can turn into a lifelong commitment and nowhere in a lifelong commitment is anything simple.  Understand that committing yourself to a moment is very different from a moment committing itself to you.  I won't call anybody in my past a mistake, but had circumstances turned out to be worse than they actually were, it would not have been worth it.   I was made in beauty and should not settle for a lesser standard, no matter how cute the guy asking is.


Love.  Love.  Love.  I'm shaking my head as I type this and I laugh at the word but I envy it all the while.  It's funny how people spend their whole life searching for it and don't spend enough time practicing it.  I used to think I would meet a guy and know how to love him just by dating him.  Nope. Apparently that's not how it works.  I had to practice loving, compromising, trusting and sacrificing.  It doesn't just happen.  Everything and everyone leading up to this point was practice.  In order to love someone forever, we have to start by loving someone for a day.  It is becoming apparent that I will learn to love my boyfriend/husband/significant other/jawn/boo/joint/man who knows I can't sleep without a sheet, by first loving my parents, loving my child and my friends.  Learning to love and forgive those people become the template to bring another person into my world and will teach me how to make space for someone to occupy.  Don't wait to start loving in hopes of a marriage.  Start loving to give your marriage hope.  


And finally to women everywhere, share your story.  We are always blooming.  It cost you nothing to adjust the crown of another queen.  We were made in the image of someone and we must recognize that the upcoming generation is made in our image.  We can't afford to be judgmental of these younger women looking at them sideways without realizing we're looking in a mirror.  Little girls pretending to be independent women are only afraid to be vulnerable because we haven't let them know that it's ok.  It's ok to cry.  It's ok to scream, pout and be emotional.  We were designed to understand and sympathize with others to be caregivers.  It is ok to be several things.  We are multifaceted and our grace wears many colors.  Know that you were never meant to be one thing, feel one way or live one time.  We resurrect ourselves in other women but first we have to love them, we have to believe in them, we have to encourage them and remind them that their journey is round trip.  They will stray off their path, but they will always have a home to come back to with open arms.  Believe in one another to become better women.  Know that she is capable of learning but you must be willing to teach.   God may have given us that rib but we TOOK free will.  We have always been strong minded in seeking out the different wonders of our world.  Embrace that. Believe in that.  Find your strength by sharing it.  You are only one woman, but you can raise millions.


Become better, want more and love immensely.  I love you with all of my heart.  My uterus bows to you.