Friday, June 29, 2012

Dead him, I'll pay for the casket

Boys will be boys until they’re ready to be men.

Hey you! Taps screen, yeah you. This is an interactive blog. Do me a favor. Get your phone, scroll down until you see my name and DELETE, DELETE, DELETE. If you just have my number stored, because you don’t want to be pressed about having my name in there, delete that too. Now, go on and scroll to all the girls that you have no intention of taking seriously. How many ya got? Three, four, fifteen? Delete them too. That was your first step into becoming a man. What does the bible say? When I was a child, I did childish things. When I became a man, I put aside childish things. Only children insist on keeping toys they don’t even play with or like anymore. Stop it and stop it right now. You are pathetic. You can no longer build a home of sticks and sand in my inbox. Stop wasting your messages and your emojis on me. The subscriber you are trying to reach is no longer available. I used to think there was no harm in ‘keeping in touch’ but the harm is that I wasn’t keeping UP. Why are we pretending to care? Why are we being cordial? Why are we wasting time sending empty texts? You could spend your time sending “Good morning beautiful” texts to the girl you really want to be with. And I’m not just saying that you don’t want to be with me because some of you have made it quite clear that you want all parts. But I’m saying, in the nicest way possible, well, I'm saying it any way possible, I don’t want you.

And why would I? You’re sitting in my inbox from your comfort zone where no effort is required. You could be doing anything while you text me. Maybe you’re in traffic, maybe you’re bored, maybe your girl is in the bathroom, whatever the case may be, sitting in my inbox only proves one thing – you’re good at multitasking. A text message is not impressive, even if it is every morning. Let me hear your voice, let me hear you smile, let me hear you laugh and show me that you want to hear the same things from me. So bye bye to all the text message boyfriends.

It has been spoken, word must become deed.

I want more and because I want more, I have to work more. I want to invest my time and energy into someone that deserves it and I want to be someone that deserves another person’s time and energy. To be quite honest, we spend a lot of time wanting a love we’re not deserving of.

You want a man that calls you, but every time he calls, you’re in Opal.
You want a man that likes you when you’re chilling with no makeup on but you always have makeup on.
You want a man to take you out to eat, but you’re entertaining men without jobs. Where pray tell will he get the money for that from?

You ever see a man put a wedding ring on a joint that’s running full speed? NO! She has to stand in one spot for him to kneel at her feet. As my good friend @_daveybaby says, “how are things going to fall into place when you’re not there to catch it? SIT.”

I spent enough time pushing love away because I wasn’t ready. Maybe it was for the best, maybe it wasn’t but whether someone leaves you or you leave them, the void is really just space for someone to love you better. And that someone may be the very person that you’re not with today, just a few years later.

Me being selective is not me being bitter. Was I disappointed? Yea. Was I unimpressed? Yea. So what? Nobody’s perfect and calling you out on it doesn’t make me bitter, it makes me honest. It’s also another way of saying I’ve been hurt before, what I was doing wasn’t working before and I need to heal, grow and move forward. It’s a sad but necessary realization that if you’re not cutting it, you need to get cut.

It’s time to be the men/women who can leave their phone on the nightstand facing up because there’s no worry about who might be texting you something crazy in the middle of the night. The only game I want to play is spades, cards face up, all TRUST.

If my husband is reading this, babe, you got nothing to worry about. I don’t even need a password on my phone.

2 comments:

Damnpops said...

I enjoyed this.

Ej said...

You always coaching me cuzzo