The mix

From my earlier works, writing something like this is not my preference. The mixxy world, in my opinion should never receive more praise than examination. With each and every day that passes, it is more and more evident that my peers are absolutely delusional. I can say that because once upon a time, I was delusional as well. It takes one to know one. I’m not judging you but I am pressing you and you know exactly who you are. People often call the “in crowd” the college graduates in New York City. (I’m only focusing on graduates because the mix is cute when you’re in undergrad. If you still have credits, live your life, enjoy and learn. For now, you are spared.) The “in crowd” consists of those who are easily and most often recognizable by people THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW! Now how does one get such acclaim? There are several different ways and it is WHY you’re known that makes all the difference.
1. You’re Greek. It comes with the territory. In order to represent an organization, you have to reach out to an audience.
2. You were involved in plenty of things on campus because you genuinely have a great personality. Those two go hand in hand because there are tons of people that help run campus life but most of us can only recall a select few.
3. You throw/host events. That is self explanatory.
4. You’re following your dreams. You have a clothing line, a blog, you sing – anything that requires the general population to know you and like you because your livelihood depends on it.
5. You’re loose. Be it a man or a female. If you’re the joint that’s always drunk amongst a group of men that are conveniently your “brothers,” we see you ma. If you’re the guy who’s in the inbox of ALL my homegirls, we see you bruh.
6. You put your entire life on twitter. Your timeline knows how many tattoos you have, what’s your technique when it comes to giving Becky and why you and your man are not speaking this week. You retweet all the people you don’t know and then tweet to get to know them. You can’t wait to meet them in real life so you can justifiably call them a “friend.” You advertise your “friendships” with a thousand pictures, tweets, and tweegrams, i.e. “Look how much we love each other! Xoxo [but I met him/her last week]”

I'm sure there are more ways to become ‘known’ or mixxy but these are the most common. Notice I said, known OR mixxy. There is a distinct difference. You can be known without being mixxy but you can’t be mixxy without being known. For instance, I know a lot of people. Sometimes we catch up at an event or make a joke with each other on twitter but that’s where the party stops! I have a social life and a personal life and while they do cross over sometimes [especially if you date a person just like you], it’s up to me to create the distance. It’s also up to YOU. Why does everybody at the BBQ have your phone number? In your two days of “friendship,” what do y’all have to talk about? You don’t have enough to juggle on your plate? You don’t have enough friends in your SMS? What is the reason? You’re pressed. That’s it. You’re mixxy and you’re pressed. If you’re Greek and/or you throw/host events, or you’re following your dreams, you might actually need the [essential] phone numbers because you need the support. But everybody else, you’re wasting your minutes and your time. It seems cute when people say, “Yeah I know “Ms/Mr Mixxy!” But why do you know Ms/Mr Mixxy? The reason people know you will always be more important than people actually knowing you. From my own experience, I’ve been known for four things -1. My writing 2. My involvement on my campus 3. Who I’ve dated and 4. Who I’ve gotten into some kind of altercation with? Lucky for me, my name is unique so people generally don’t have to get into details when describing me BUT nonetheless they do. Those four attributes say a lot about me. I am proud of where my writing has taken me. I am honored to have served my alma mater. Even though the men I dated weren’t perfect, they were perfect for who I was at the time we were dating. Whoever I’ve gotten into an altercation with, I’ve handled. Sometimes I wasn’t ladylike, but the message is clear, I am NOT to be f.cked with. I can live with those connotations about myself. Has there been some false information that has slithered itself under my name and into my carfax? Yes I’ve heard, but I'm not worried because my truth has always been more interesting than someone else’s fiction.
The next time someone claims that they know you before you’ve ever even met, do yourself a favor and ask why? You have a right to know what your reputation looks like. If you’re not proud of their response, then you will most certainly be humbled. Everybody can be popular, everybody can be mixxy but not everybody can be respected. Some people don’t really get to choose if they’re popular or not, sometimes it just happens. But being mixxy is a choice and it’s a responsibility. A lot of ya’ll are taking the former and not the latter. When it comes to knowing a lot of people, it also requires knowing politics and being diplomatic. Popular people {politicians, celebrities, athletes, your neighborhood blogger] understand this, mixxy people do not. When I walk into an event, I have to remember every single face, every connection, and every meeting we’ve had in the past [but I can’t tell you what I wore yesterday]. In fact, picking which events I go to is a week long struggle. I know that I’m going to show support to the host because I genuinely care about them but everybody else doesn’t know that. Some people just love to talk and please believe when you walk into a place to support someone you hardly mention, people will ask, “What is she/he doing here?” Just because we don’t have a profile picture together doesn’t mean we’re not friends. Anyway, why do I have to remember every face and connection? Because that determines my next move. That determines whether or not, we say hi and bye or we’ll actually have a full conversation. By the time you’ve noticed I’ve walked through the door, I’ve been staring at you for at least five minutes. It also reinforces which connections I can make and which ones I can’t. If I’ve heard about your becky from one or more of my guy friends, I’ll be cordial to you mamita, but we will not be friends. We’re not the same kind, we’re not the same caliber. We’re in the same place but we’re not sitting at the same table. If I remember your face from Facebook because my homegirl showed me that you are the one her boyfriend was cheating on her with, I got nothing for you either. You may be a very nice girl and he may have been lying to you too, but the last thing I need is my BFF questioning our friendship if I’m seen in a picture laughing it up with you. Don’t act like ya’ll haven’t been caught out there on twitter/instagram before. The trick to knowing a lot of people is to not really know them because there will come a time when your loyalty will be tested and no one should ever be confused as to which side you are on. Popular people know how to create distance without hostility, mixxy people do not. Popular people know how to keep their mouth shut, even about trivial information, mixxy people do not. For instance, if me and one of my best friends are not on speaking terms, no one should know. At no point should anyone ask me, why am I not talking to so and so? That means someone opened their mouth, violated my space and my privacy and now I have to find my way around that question without defaming someone I care about even though I'm mad at them. That’s not an easy task. People ask me all the time about my friends, my response is always the same, no matter who you are – “you are not looking for someone if you have not called/texted them.” Now she could very well be on her way, but that’s no one’s business but hers. It may seem like trivial information at the moment, but if I give the wrong answer or too much information, that could lead to trouble in the future. Popular people think about the future, mixxy people think about themselves.
Being in the mix can be fun. That’s why they have undergrad. But we’re older now and we’re trying to have serious relationships, settle down and begin our careers. That can’t be done when you’re at every function spending money instead of making it. If you don’t value yourself as a brand, as a man and as a woman, then as your “friend,” how can I believe that you value me? For the people that act a fool and claim they don’t care what anyone says, you must not know what they’re saying. You don’t know who you are destined to become. What may be a ratchet tweet now can be a press conference later. Your name is all you have and that includes your twitter one. I will never regret my younger years because it brought me my readers, my supporters and some genuinely good friends, but the mix can take all of that away too. You are who you associate yourself with and you’re supposed to become whoever you pray to. Stop idolizing the mix. Stop praising these people. Stop carrying a cross that was never meant for you. As a woman who’s served her time in the mix, I dare you to take a seat. You’re more attractive when you hold it down.