ranting

i could easily call myself a love poet if i believed in my own poetry and if i believed love conquers all.  but because those two ideas are as foreign to me as pedicured feet on Indian sands, i reject the phrase and embrace it all at the same time.


i get the feeling that people want to know why i always write about love in some shape or form.  i mean, what else is there? i almost feel like every emotion that we feel spills out of love, requited or otherwise, damaged or healthy, local or foreign.  to me, love is the epicenter and we are made whole in our quest to find the yin and the yang that probably doesn't exist, because after all love is a cycle, which means it's a circle, which means there is no visible beginning or end.


today is one of those rainy days, where panties and tee shirts should be the uniform.  and i really don't want to leave my house. i want to lock myself in this room and go over what's been on my mind…


like…what does it mean to say i love you to another human being? is it automatically unconditional or do they have to find out in the fine print? what does it mean to be in a relationship and be attracted to somebody else? is bad timing an indication of bad intentions? what does it mean to be in a relationship practicing for a marriage you're not even sure you want?  and what people call as contradicting, i believe i'm just exercising my right to change my mind.

some days i want to be in a relationship and some days i don't.  some days i feel like talking and some days i don't.  some days i feel like making love and some days, i just feel like waiting for that motherf.cker to show up at my doorstep with some groceries.  some days loving him and loving myself is a complete contradiction. but everyday, i wonder about the state of our relationships and what that means to us as women, professionals, mothers, sisters, daughters and friends.