there's a pill for everything

say no to drugs.

vivian green - beautiful

there are so many words, but they're all the right ones.

im just beautiful mediocrity.

guys always like my lip gloss like it's gonna be wrapped around their d.ck

i promised myself i wouldn't let that word creep it's way into my vocabulary

but only between my legs

damn. it.

good girls don't give it up on the first night

but for you i might make an exception

this lip gloss is the difference between fidelity and affairs

and trust me

it tastes as good as it looks

the same thing goes for my lips...

d

o

w

n

t

h

e

r

e

don't blush. save the heat for the sheets.

i didn't mean to rhyme but, like words

we fit together perfectly

your fingers fit between each strand of hair on my head

while you pull at the very roots of me

shaking my fruits till the ground is covered with my bearings

my. my. how beautiful i blossom underneath your sun

and even when it rains, i glisten in your madness

your dirt climbs on my thighs and fertilizes the very soil that crumbles between your fingers

and i am made whole

.in.

.pieces.

.of.

.you.

my body parts are a mosaic of your sinful thoughts and i humbly bow to the heavens

because hell seems like paradise if making love to you is forbidden...

because

hell (slow)

seems (it)

like (all)

paradise (the)

if (way)

making (down)

love (we)

to (have)

you (all)

is (night)

forbidden...

and i repeat things because i can't rewind to my favorite parts

i can't press pause with my fingers in your hands with your lips on my lips in moments we don't own...moments like this.

i have to admit, you're going to make a liar out of me

because it's too good to be true

and words don't do you justice so i dance all over your mood

boy, i love you so much that stevie wonder ask god for sight just so he could take a peek.

but even god said "child, a love like this isn't for sale, you're better off putting your nose to her skin and fingering her braille."

don't worry, i got you stevie and even helen keller will be able to hear my screams in the next life and the two of you could make my love with every sense but sight.

mmm...i own you. in my smoke and mirrors, my shape billows through your fingers like ice cream on sunny days...

i'm dripping wet.

so please.

spoon me.

no sprinkles please, i don't want any distractions. i want to go down your throat like cold water through a dehydrated spirit.

and i want to be your iv...

in

your

arms.

oh man. you break me and my pockets. like fifty first dates. i want to sleep with you on each one.

i own you. i'm on your limbs like you're in my bones.

i can't move without you.

still.

and i dont even like pictures...

sometimes, i don't have sh.t to say.

but it always looks like i do.

hey. let's cut off all the dead ends in our lives.

(even if it's your hair or your man)

you mean to tell me...

i'm educated...hardworking...cute...

and still single?

yeah. that sh.t is kinda funny.

i live where you vacation

i grew up on white sand

we had palm trees in place of bodegas

and who needs an alarm clock when your body rests under an open sky and swaying branches?

i am paradise

you can walk on my waters and drown in my waves

bloom under my sun and put your tongue to my taste

i am a walking paradise

your currency curves to my thighs

and my clouds trace your sky

you borrow me for moments at time

to escape your harsh winters, to reminisce on a feeling so sublime

i am paradise

goats, iguanas, chickens and lizards are the only traffic you'll meet

and if you squint just right, you can find who swims in my sea

i am paradise

moving you with rhythms mother nature let me keep when you dragged her from africa

and jungle fever is just another way of saying that you need an excuse to understand why we're so f.cking beautiful...

truth is, any baby born under my mother's sun can only bloom beautiful enough to grace the gods and inspire mankind to fall to his knees, wet his mouth and get to work

and yes, we taste as good as we look,

so let us feed your hunger

and nourish your imagination

because you discovered color in our landscape,

breath in our water

and life in our ashes

i am paradise

and there are no traffic lights to slow me down

so ride my waves, fast or slow

till the sun sets over us

this is paradise.

come again.

focus my efforts

sometimes, i've got to read before i can write.

and i don't wanna be anything but myself, even when i'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

"Good Hair"

my hair is curly.

sprinkle some water on me and watch the ringlets form.

but that's never been a bad thing.

at least not me.

hard to manage but not a bad thing.

i got a perm when i was 13 to make it easier on my mother's arms and schedule.

perm, blow dry style, then off to school.

ponytails, buns or straight down my back, it's my hair.

senior year, i cut it all off.

and never thought twice.

it's only hair. if halle berry could do it, then why couldn't i?

fast forward. went to college.

decided that the "creamy crack" just wasn't for me anymore. and i grew the damn perm out.

now when i look back, the perm had no place in my life or my hair. now if you call it good hair, bad hair or whatever makes you think you know me a little bit better by classifying me, fine but it's none of the above. it's simply, MY hair.

curly when wet. get the gel, flip it over and blow dry it.

straight when you blow dry it. style it with a flat iron and run from rain at all costs.

and you can pull it, because it's all mine.

adonis.adonis.adonis.

how do you feel when you wake up to a man more beautiful than you?

day 5 of lent

the more i give up on you boys, the more interesting you get.

restore data please.

sidebar, sometimes my internet cuts in and out so i back up whatever i'm working on to my computer and i wish i could do that with my love life. i want to store in my hard drive for times when everything crashes. and i want to keep all of my emotions in a folder where i can delete the times i've been disappointed and duplicate my birthday sex. i want to turn this love thing on and off and restart as many times as i please till i get it right because sometimes this sh.t freezes on me in the most compromising and unflattering position ever. i want to take random pictures and keep them in a folder so i can photoshop happiness, compassion and humor when we sometimes misplace them. and i wish he was a mac. so i can download him and all his parts anywhere in the world and carry them with me on my ipod, in my ears and yet still touching my heart. i want to tap on his keys like savion glover did the first time he put on tap shoes. and i want to see my reflection in his screen because real recognize real is the only other three words i feel besides i love you when i look at him.

how did you get here

curiosity is getting the best of me. i gotta know why you keep coming back to me. you can't still be intrigued. i'm an open book. very few people, take the time to read between the lines. even you. nonetheless, every time you're here, i never know how you got here.

abstract

I want to make love to you

with every crayon in my coloring box but

don't test the LEO in me.

just because lions purr,

don't forget we ROAR.

bumping heads at the bar

i remember the butterflies. and i'm really considering second chances.

but happily ever after? what happens forever after happily?

you're teaching me and i swear i'm learning. i swear i am. i could have let you spoil me, but i would have taken it for granted. i had to learn how to appreciate first. i had to learn how to miss someone first. i had to fall in love first.

but i'm learning. i swear i am.

melanie fiona ...magic

every time i hear her voice, i fall in love. or at least i

remember how much in love i was. or am.

it all depends on the day.

i gave up boys.

for lent, that is.

(i'm still trying to get the hang of the yellow, that is.)

he sleeps still

he sleeps still

like paint on walls

absorbing the days' echos

events dance in his dreams

he sleeps still

oceans flow in his thoughts

and waves splash through his veins

he sleeps still

pausing when the world has stopped

rewiring his motives

and calculating the path of the moon

he sleeps still

covered by the night

a savior in plain clothes

his footsteps tremors in moans

and whispers yell into his dreams

he sleeps still

on me

inside of me

behind me

he.

sleeps.

still.

life happens. in color.

just when i thought i had it all figured out.

there are some people that just aren't going anywhere

no matter how you try and no matter how far you go

at a moment's notice, they are never too far behind

even when the chapter has been closed

the book remains the same

it's odd.

the term "ex" doesn't mean a damn thing.

they still know your scent.

they still know your favorite snacks.

and they could never forget how to piss you off.

cheers.

to.

the.

exes.

you still blow my mind.

capitalize

i don't capitalize the letter i

because

it's not

always

about

me.

(i'm trying to like yellow. bear with me. or not. lemme just try this)

it gets good, keep up.

just like we decide to make it work, we also decide when we give up. we decide when we have come to terms with people and the role they play in our lives.

not every lover will love us back. and not every love will come back. but there are moments when we decide that it is time to move on. i told myself i would keep a journal of my emotions just to see my progress or lack thereof, in this thing we call relationships.

so far, no good.

half the time, i don't even know how to feel in order to transcribe it for anyone else to read, understand or even relate. i'm so busy trying to live that i find myself laying in bed with the story unfolding in my head yet unable to put any verses to paper.

and i promised i would tell myself the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

so far, no good.

it's easier to convince myself that i'm ok with losing than it is to know that i hate losing. i hate losing monopoly, i hate losing relationships and most importantly i hate losing my own f.cking mind.

i hate when my thoughts are run over by someone else as opposed to the current events in the world. the all star game. the superbowl. the blizzard of 2010. i missed it all.

i watch my life happen in different series of black and white film. no director, no pause, no credits. it just keeps going and going and the lead actor quit a long time ago. so it's really just me left, on a set, i don't recognize, knowing i'm going to be there for a while but refusing to get comfortable.

my house is empty yet filled with memories of everyone but me. i keep the walls bare just so i could write my thoughts down on something concrete. and if these walls could talk...hmph.

well, let's just say, this first book would have been IN STORES NOW.

but these walls don't talk and neither do i simply because i'm too afraid to speak heartbreak into being.

if i talk about all the things i miss, then the reality is that there is indeed something or someone to actually miss.

but if i keep my mouth shut, if everything comes back to me the way i want it to then i will be throughly surprised and blessed by the gods. and i say gods, because i would hate for there to be just one deciding on the most important decisions of my life. can't there be three so i can have a tie breaker or a second opinion when things don't go my way?

sh.t. that was blasphemous.

but we all serve different gods and they all have different requirements, none of which i am meeting apparently. i don't go to church, i curse like a sailor and please don't tell my mother i got another tattoo. but my heart is pure.

my love is unconditional. and when it comes to loving my neighbor, i love him way too much.

talk about the good samaritan. there is still no solace for going through hell on earth just to seek heaven in the end. i'm pissed NOW.

and eternity is looking like a far cry for a woman growing up in a misogynistic and homosexual world. i've done too much and yet i've done nothing at all.

sh.t that was ironic.

so tonight i'm going for

irony and blasphemy...

i can smell hell from here.

name brand...with a name that isn't yours

i hate fake sh.t...whether it's your words or your shoes, i just hate fake sh.t

gucci who? fendi what? b.tch please.

stage presence

i don't perform on any stage other than life. feel me?

you surround me.

i find colors in your spirit, so much that i could finger paint the walls of my bedroom with just your soul.

i could put you on a silver platter and feed a million mouths because you are the definition of sustenance.

but i want you all to myself.

today, tomorrow and in the next lifetime that awaits.

give me some credit

God made you beautiful but I noticed.

memories.

this has got to be the longest breakup in the history of sex
lemme tell you how when i saw this man, it took everything in me
not to jump on him and kiss him
just to remember what his thoughts taste like
but i was too scared but that's against the rules
so i sat in the car and waited for him to come around
the longest eight seconds of my life
but i would have waited a lifetime

i forgot what it felt like to be behind the wheel of my own car
he drove
he filled up the gas tank
he knows what kind of engine i have (literally)

on thursday, i sat behind the wheel
with absolutely no direction whether it was to 7/11 or happiness
consider me lost (and both of those destinations are no more than a block away)

he sat across from me looking at me
like it was the first time he saw me
and he's seen me naked a million times
but nude and vulnerable are not always interchangeable

so yes, he saw me crying for the first time (out of pure sadness at least)
and in that moment, we were virgins
looking at each other with silence interrupting our words instead of kisses
wondering how far we should go
and when it will be over
because IT'S OVER

and when you don't know how you got here, it's even harder to decide when it's time to leave

it feels like we've said our peace but it's anything but...
but on his lips even war seems worth all the f.cking taxes i'm paying
and both of us have surrendered
thrown in the white flags

said goodbye to a life we're trying to forget we lived.

we are trying to forget a life we lost. we lived.

we are trying to forget a life. we lived. we lost.

[[PUNCTUATION MATTERS]]

it probably doesn't, because in the end it's all the same
at least it feels that way

and i keep looking back at the moments i've kept to myself
just to keep them sacred

• like how i trace your tattoos with my fingertips


• or how you interrupted my showers just to give me a kiss


• or the time you wanted scrambled eggs at 4 am


• or when i wanted ice cream at 4 am


• or when we wanted each other at 4 am

i could reach out and just grab your beating heart
and now with all the technology in the world
we can't find the words to say

consider me unfulfilled, grateful and all yours

i forgot i wrote this.

don't call it a comeback... i never left. i would address the rumors but since ya'll have it all figured out i'll take a step back... sh.t, i'll wait. i'll wait, sh.t im probably one of the most private people u'll never really meet... my mind is more stubborn than my heart and my heart is more open than my legs...believe that i've heard i'm a freak...[ha!] well then give me my applause. cuz sh.t i have ya'll fooled. ya'll say a picture is worth a thousand words, so the papparazzi in you makes a celebrity out of me but realize that vocabulary can be be violent, so you have a thousand words but where are your f.ckin punctuations? no, don't stop. no. don't. stop. same words, different meaning. that was a handout. i'm all out for the month. see you on the first. and i had to block my photos cuz ya'll were about to turn something beautiful into something vicious. chill...relax...take a vicodin. you can't see my love in pictures anyway [[unless it's a sonogram]] but in any case. i'll let you know when i fall in love. just so ya'll can make sure that n.gga catches me this time. ya'll thought i was just gonna tell you my business without a purpose? come on now. my pain and suffering has a price. and trust me when i say, im worse than sallie mae. run me my money. b.tch. with interest. cuz in any relationship, you should always leave with more than you came with [pre-nup my ass] if im still the same b.tch after we're done, then you were just a waste of time, sir. don't call me, i'll call you. [smile and nod] but back to the topic at hand. some of ya'll spent so much time looking at pictures when i was right in front of your face and let me tell you...the up close and personal is always better. pictures are what we give to the public. just to let you know, we got this. it's what you don't see that tastes better than gossip and will change your perspective forever.

working hard or hardly working??

seriously...

you can’t fuck my brains out

if you don’t use yours first

puff puff pass

we need to get high together just so we can go over the lows one more time. and then we can break up what we've put together.

john doe

John Doe

John Doe

John Doe

John Doe

John Doe

John Doe

John Doe

John Doe

John Doe

John Doe

John Doe

John Doe

John Doe

You.

You are my last, but in so many ways you are my first.

daddy's home

they keep telling me that i have relationships to fill a void

a void i don't remember having

they say i call you daddy because i don't have one

but in reality, i do. sh.t i have his last name.

i call you daddy because you showed up.

on time, right on time. every time

my father was always late, so late that he made my mother late.

and then i came.

like a bat out of hell

inherited with my mother's insecurities and my father's timing.

and when you hit that spot. i can't help but wonder if this ever made a difference to my real daddy

it made him come but it didn't make him stay

so what the f.ck [literally] will make you any different?

is it the way you wipe my hair out of my face?

is it the way you throw me my towel as my invitation?

is it the way you let me drink out of your cup?

maybe it's one thing, some things or nothing at all

but either way, i call you daddy because the way we're going

im going to make you one

and i'll be late just like my mother

but the little one?

the little you and the little me will be right on time.

when it's time.

every time.

give it to me right or don't give it to me at all

whistle while you work

there is no middle ground for greatness baby

i gotta have all of you or nothing at all

the thought of another woman perfecting the moves I taught you

drives me the f.ck insane and sh.t compels me to f.ck someone else

[you think monogamous and female are interchangeable? they're NOT. but for you i will try anything, at least once]

but the good girl in me loves the badness in you

and i cant help but give you my all, on stage, in the bedroom and especially in the shower...

i bend over backwards for you, literally.

i still have a bruise on my back from that sh.t in the jacuzzi

but that pain feels so good and sometimes when i'm picking up the random pieces of our clothes off the floor, i leave the broken pieces of my heart behind

i'll get to that later, i'll shed those tears later, hell maybe i won't

maybe i'll just pick up a new habit to indulge in ...

maybe

smoke

angela

bassett's

cigarettes

or

adopt

children

from

africa

to replace the ones we lost

now that was some deep sh.t

so deep, i could dig craters in your love and bury nations in your soul

deeper than stir fry and deeper than God's tomb for Jesus himself.

in three days, i'll rise

and while

sitting on your face

has nothing to do with

sitting on my throne

when im ready to be a queen, i'll find the king in you

till then being your whore will do both of us more good than harm

you don't have to worry about hurting my feelings if you're working out my body

i want you to slap me there

pull my hair so hard i see our reflections on the ceiling

i'll ice my knees later

but broken hearts, they will never be the same

so just do what you do best.

come inside me.

just make sure you never leave.

im not normal but then again, what/who is?

i dance in my underwear

and i drink way too much coca cola.

i do my hair topless

and i don't believe in toothpaste that's not minty.

my hair doesn't behave at all

but they call it good.

i get pimples in the same spot on my face

and i'm useless between the hours of 2am and 10am.

i can eat the same thing for two weeks straight

but i refuse to keep the same hairstyle for more than two days.

i still scrape my knees but only for the good stuff...wink

i believe in the classics - art, music, and fashion

but i don't think that's a reason to stop being creative.

i love wearing all black but my favorite color is pink

i dont like wearing pants to bed and i can fall asleep anywhere

especially to the rhythm of a heartbeat

im just a quirky black girl with brown eyes and pink lips.

lean your head back and lay amongst the clouds

crossed my mind.

you can't match love. it's already on fire.

what are you saying when you're not saying anything? the most!

thank you for making my boobs bigger and my ass fatter. gotta love you for that, babe.

stop looking for a word to describe me. im in front of you, im not in the dictionary.

we're tighter than a virgin but eventually we're gonna lose it.

the album drops feb 9

the kind of music that reminds you when you first fell in love.

the kind of music that makes you rethink your decisions.

the kind of music that keeps you up at night even when you're alone.

the kind of music that defined music in the first place.