how to love?

a letter someone will never receive...


I won't tell you I love you again.  Words mean nothing to you and the things you don't cherish, you don't respect.  So you twist my vulnerability into shapes that can only fit into your back pockets, back pockets which I only have access to when you're sleeping and your jeans hang over my ironing board.  You toss my words into rivers you can't even swim in to retrieve when you need their comfort.  Yet and still, I keep repeating myself hoping one day,  you'll start to believe me and you'll start to understand that I die a little each time you don't.  I've never known someone so deserving of a love they couldn't handle.  It's confusing though because you've told me that you love me yet I'm not so sure you understand what loving me entails.  Every day I wake up wishing you never said it, wishing you never used the word in vain, wishing you took a little more time to practice the art of loving unconditionally.  You disappoint me every time you try to convince me that I'm not feeling the things I know I'm feeling.  It is at those moments that I realize you are trying to rid yourself of the responsibility that it takes to be loved.  Now I understand and I will stop feeding you a love you can't digest.  I will stop granting you an all access pass to the truth.  I will stop being vulnerable to a man that doesn't appreciate the delicacy of a woman.  By the time you understand what it means to be loved, I will have waited long enough to learn how to love someone else.