the archives

the very beginning. look at those nails.
225th and white plains!

i'm gonna share something very important today, some things that shaped who i became, just more pieces to the puzzle.  i had a computer that ended up turning off and never turning back on.  after nearly four years, i finally trusted someone enough to get the files off for me.  there were pictures of my senior year of high school and my first two years at college.  i thought that i lost all of those pictures, most importantly the ones of my newborn child.  i've never been one to post albums and stuff like that because i'm very private about those kind of things but tonight i'm so elated that i have those pictures that i will share a few.  all in all, over a hundred pictures were recovered.  when i went through them after feeling like i lost so many precious moments, i almost cried tears of joy.

seven months pregnant

her personal pillow 

she never liked that teddy bear

find the baby if you can

sleeping like she has a full time job

her first smile!

her christening

a whole new meaning to beach bag

offering her up to the Lord

granny and her first two granddaughters

favorite picture of ALL time

her first night out

i guess they were hanging out

then again, she can't hang...

proud mommy

these are pictures my closest friends haven't even seen. i don't talk about how proud i am to be a mother.  it was by far, the best decision i've ever made.  deciding to spend the rest of my life shaping and guiding another human being is the biggest sacrifice i'll ever make and i was eighteen when i did it. i was scared and it felt like my whole world had collapsed.  people gossiped, they judged my decisions, they scrutinized every move, simply put, they hurt my feelings.  they broke my spirit and i kept thinking who treats a child like this and i wasn't talking about the child inside, i was talking about myself.  i wanted desperately for people to walk in my shoes and face the disappointments i was forced to get accustomed to.  and to be real, i asked God every night NOT to wake me up and comfort my mother when i was gone.  but now i can only thank God for deciding which prayers he was willing to answer.

all in all, i grew up.  i ignored the negativity, i stopped crying and whether i was a mother or not, i still listened to my mother and let the best mother we both know raise my child while i finished raising myself.  my mother gave birth to me but my grandmother gave me life and i'm eternally grateful.  i always wondered who i was going to dedicate my first book to whenever it gets published and i know now. i will dedicate it to my grandmother who taught me grace, sacrifice and perseverance.  all the negativity in the world can never take away from the joy i've found.  the only thing i love more than being a mother is my child.

and for everyone who has said a kind word, thank you. for those who didn't, still, thank you.