so i don't know if you remember but i had a little poll in the top right corner a few days ago. if you replied, i appreciate your honesty. the question was, "do you believe in the ONE?" the responses could be one of three - 1. yes, it's destiny 2. no, there's plenty and 3. honestly, i don't know. when i posted the question, i actually had no idea of my own opinion. of course with all the fairytales stuffed down our throat as little girls, i was more comfortable with the idea of the one. then i looked at my dating history and realized that the two times i dated, i thought that either could be the ONE so that theory didn't pan out for me. i didn't take the poll but i was ready to be apart of the 44% of respondents that said "I DON'T KNOW.
however, after deliberation in my mind and in light of growing the f.ck up, i don't believe there is ONE. i think there are many and 14% of you agree. now granted, there are people that you will have an undeniable and incomparable chemistry with but there are so many more factors that are required to qualify as being THE ONE and maintaining a healthy relationship with that ONE. but besides that, i think that because we're always evolving and completing different phases of our personality, there might be different people that feel like the ONE for each individual phase. now, you might get lucky and find someone who is willing to grow with you through those phases. that doesn't mean he/she is the ONE, that means that they wake up every day trying to be and that in itself is commendable.
you mean to tell me, you wake up every day trying to be the perfect match for me through every phase? that's deeper than being the ONE if you ask me. that takes work, dedication, loyalty. it's not a preconceived notion that i was destined for you and we're gonna work because the stars aligned just right and therefore we can't take any credit for why we work. that's a cute story but i believe in a man [beware, i'm heterosexual for now] that makes a conscious decision and effort to stick with me when i'm in undergrad, then right on to post grad, through my first job, through my first three jobs, through my i wanna cut all my hair off phase, through my i'm trying to lose these invisible love handles phase. i mean i want someone who wants to want me, if that makes sense. and if we have chemistry in addition to that, well f.ck it, i'll buy you a ring!
the point is i want to give my man a little more credit than an imaginary fairy godmother that happened to send my prince charming along. i want to believe in the man that stands before me at the altar. i want to give him his just dues for loving me when i wake up, when i fall asleep and when he believes i'm being an emotional creature. i don't want to believe in the ONE, i want to believe in HIM because he showed me, because he worked to prove it to me, because he made the impossible happen every damn day. i don't want to be a fairytale, i want to be a relationship where two people decide that we don't have to take credit for finding one another but we can take credit for staying together.
40% of you felt it was destiny. i envy the hopeless romantics out there, i really do. to have that kind of faith in someone you've never met besides Jesus himself, is another level of consciousness if you ask me. and i certainly have not gotten there yet. but for me, the problem with believing in destiny is this: what if one day destiny knocks on the door to your home that you share with the man/woman you love.
destiny says, "this is not the person i picked out for you."
i would say, "oh really?"
"yes. i picked out a great man for you and he's in texas at this address. do what you want."
now, i'm going to be hesitant and not just because it's texas. i'm gonna look at the man that i love and really take a good look. he might be sitting there our italian leather sofa in his clothes with paint all over it from restoring the garage. he's either watching sports center or first 48 with his feet up on my mahogany coffee table. he probably hasn't been to the barber yet either but even in all of that madness, i can appreciate him in his splendor. this is the man that has been my side since whenever, has supported me, has called me beautiful, has held my hand through the hard times and laughed with me during the good times. destiny has no right to knock on my door because he's already sitting in my living room. if in 14 years, me and my guy don't work out, then i'll be glad that we spent 14 years working at all. and as for the guy in texas, if this destiny thing is real, then i'll see you in 14 years.
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