i haven't kissed someone in a loooooong time.
[in kevin hart's voice] IT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN.
i had to add some humor to my fidelity. monogamy of any kind can get boring. i don't know who told men that it was easy for us, but the devil is a liar.
in better news, i'm working on this story and i'm actually quite excited about it. i'm trying to have it complete by this sunday. you can hold me to that and send me evil text messages if it's not posted by then. speaking of excitement, the Anne Sexton post is quite possibly my favorite post of all time. time will tell if i reveal why.
moving right along, i spoke to one of my friends today and as usual our conversation was an eye opener. she would kill me if i added her name so let's call her Ernie. she's a tough cookie and beneath those rigid crumbs lies a tender woman. in order to sustain her street credibility, i'm not gonna disclose how sweet she really is. the point is, that we made some discoveries.
1. our childhood JUST finished, like yesterday. for the longest time, i separated college from childhood but now looking back, everything seems so surreal. the relationships felt intense at the time but maturity tastes sweet when lies are so bitter. college, much like the rest of childhood was in a bubble. don't get me wrong, there were some adult moments and adult decisions but for the most part, ruling with the heart is so reminiscent of a child's innocence that it only seems right to be considered childhood. honestly, what i wanted was so much more important than what i needed and since having a child, i know for a fact, that's some childish sh.t. i'm so glad to be out of that phase. i appreciate going through it but the consequences were more than i could afford.
2. relationships take time and when you have the rest of your life ahead of you, it's wise to pace yourself. just make it through today. before, i only used to see the big picture. are we gonna last? are we gonna have kids? do i want kids? are we gonna get married or just live together and call it marriage? i was worried about everything but the fundamentals. can the n.gga return a phone call first before i even worry myself about the honeymoon? when you're young, days feel like forever but now that i'm older, i don't have forever, i have today. and on my journey to squeeze every ounce of joy out of today, i simply enjoy the beautiful and dispose of the ugly.
3. we often worry if he will still love me when he finds out what i am comprised of. will he still love me if he knew that i did some dumb things in my past? will he still love me if he knew the number of men i slept with? will he still love me if he knew i didn't get along with my mother? will he still love me if he knew i dyed my bangs red because it looked good on charlie baltimore? we worry if someone will love us when they know the true us but the bigger concern is if he doesn't know me, the good, the bad and the ugly, how will i know if he truly loves me? now i'm not advising you to tell your life story to every tom, dick and harry but no one knows your relationship better than you do. be honest and pace yourself. get to know him and let him get to know you at a speed you're both comfortable with. and when you tell him the difficult pieces of your life, give him time to deal with it. if you're still dealing with it, what makes you think he won't need some time to process it? i've heard from many men that it's difficult to watch a woman they love in pain of any kind, especially when he can't do anything to take it away. so when you have these difficult conversations, understand that he will be facing some difficulty as well. whether it works or not, once you establish a level of respect, it will be honored, in most cases. in addition to that, there's a freedom that comes with honesty. there's a supreme joy in knowing that in spite of everything you are and in light of everything you are not, that person still thinks you're worthy of love. and if they don't, they are not worthy of YOUR love and it will hurt, i'm not even gonna lie to you. whenever you can't have something you want, it will hurt but being able to search and find for the person that loves you without prejudice will help the wounds heal nicely.
4. every woman needs GREAT female friends. both of us are SO BLESSED to have female friends that we can count on for absolutely ANYTHING. whether we speak every day or every three months, we have found an amazing circle of female friends that support, encourage and inspire one another. we hope that every woman has at least one even though we have several. thank you baby Jesus. female friends are important for so many reasons. we're all going through our trials and tribulations and knowing that we have one another to talk to about those difficult things in our life can make it easier to deal with. we don't have to bear our burdens alone. we don't have to be strong ALL the time. sometimes, you have to borrow one another's strength. i'm not always going to be the voice of reason and i'm not always going to be the shattered homegirl. life forces us to be different women at different times and being in a circle of wonderful women makes life bearable. all i'm saying is this: you are your SISTER'S KEEPER. she will learn how to love from you. she will learn how to listen from you. she will learn how to move forward with her life with you by her side. she will learn the definition of beauty from you. she will learn what it means to have standards from you. you will learn from each other. hold her hand. whether we have the answers or not, the most important part is that we have someone to ask.
to all of my sisters out there, I LOVE YOU and thank you for loving me. now GO BE GREAT!
1 comment:
*applause*
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