'crazy baby mama'

i have yet to see a woman [although i'm sure there are a couple loose cannons out there but keep in mind, she was crazy before you slept with her, you just didn't notice or ignored the signs] anyway, i have yet to see a woman that creates 'baby mama drama' with a father that is doing what he is SUPPOSED to be doing for his child financially, socially and emotionally.  Oh you paid her tuition this month? You decided to give me half the money to throw her birthday party? You paid for school supplies this time around? You bought her groceries, formula, diapers? NO DRAMA HERE.  if you are dating a man with a child/children and he tells you that he has 'baby mama drama' because she's 'crazy,' DIG DEEP within yourself to really wonder why the f.ck would the mother of his child be upset.  i've come up with a list of signs that will let you see his character or lack thereof when it comes to being a parent.

1. if you spend every weekend with him, have you seen his child? NO? that means he's not with his child.
2. ever call the house during the week and he tells you he'll call you back because he either has to feed, bathe or put the child to sleep? NO? that means he's not with his child.
3. ever go shopping with him and he picks up something for his child? NO? so it's ok that he buys you some damn shoes but his 'baby mama' is probably out at the same time running through target after THEIR child in desperate search of some school shoes? oh ok.
4. can he tell you exactly how much money he spent on the child in the last month? for example, 'yeah man i just spent $580 on tuition this month.' YES. if he can remember down to the two cents of what he paid, he's not paying enough. TRUST ME. you tend to lose track of money when you're ALWAYS spending it.
5. if and when he sees the child, is the child at his mother's house? YES. that doesn't f.cking count. his mother didn't knock me up, he did. that's not time with daddy, that's time with grandma.
6. if his baby mama(s) is/are so damn crazy, clearly the caliber of women he deals with is of a 'special' nature. what does that say about you? i'll tell you. that means he'll make you crazy too b.tch, if you're not already.

with the exception of some off the wall situations, of course, if he ever asks for his child and the mother says no, it's not because she doesn't want him to see his child. it's because she doesn't trust him with HER child.  you mean to tell me that you don't call my baby, you don't know what her favorite foods are, you don't know what she's allergic to, you don't know the name of her doctor but you want me to hand her over to you without supervision? ABSOLUTELY NOT.  this is MY BABY, the evidence of my blood, sweat and tears. i brush her teeth, i comb her hair, i make her breakfast, i wash her clothes, i let her throw up on me, sleep on me, hand me her trash, spit all up in my juice, tangle my hair playing hairdresser, leave crumbs and fingerprints all over my car, my couch and my television. when she runs too fast, my heart skips a beat because i'm scared to death that she will hurt herself.  i watch her sleep. when she's sick, all i want to do is take her pain away. i discipline her, i laugh with her, i cry with her, i carry her up and down flights of steps because her little legs can't handle it.  i am willing to fight a dog, my own mother, a police officer and the president of the united states, sorry obama, if they pose a threat to this tiny human that came through this here vagina. and not only did she come through this vagina, but when the doctor looked me in the eye and asked, "if there are complications and we can only save one of you, what do you want us to do?" I CHOSE HER. you certainly will not take the very core and purpose of my existence this weekend when you haven't seen her in months. f.ck you and your optional parenting style.

and the number 1 sign for knowing that a man doesn't really care about his child? reverse the situation. if someone, anyone said i couldn't see my child, i would be at the courthouse today and sleep on the sidewalk till it reopens at 9am.  he hasn't seen/spoken his child in months and he's cool with that? b.tch you are sleeping with a deadbeat and that sh.t is more contagious that chlamydia. put your panties back on and run because every time you sleep with him, you're increasing your chances of being his next 'crazy baby mama.' save yourself.

i really cannot wrap my head around the idea that a man will put more effort in a woman that he is sleeping with than the woman he is supposed to be raising.  don't just think that his 'crazy baby mama' won't let him see his little princess without considering that his 'crazy baby mama' was and still is a QUEEN.  and for his son? if he won't teach him how to be a man, who will?

and don't think i don't think there are great fathers out there. there are! i know 4. but to ALL the great fathers out there, wherever you may be, you don't get credit for doing what you're SUPPOSED to be doing unless it's father's day.  we're still running 75% of households by our damn selves and i'm praying that one day y'all will catch up. your children need you to.

talking about you won't date a man with kids because his 'baby mama' is crazy, no b.tch, he's crazy. y'all spend so much time talking about the child's mother because you're too busy NOT being one.

one more thing. the other day i was in target with my mini me and this was the conversation.
"little girl, stay by my side because if they kidnap you, all my ransom money is going to sallie mae. i got nothing for you."
"ok mommy." [she runs off again]
"look here, i will leave you in this store."
"mommy you can't leave me, you're the only parent i have."

a part of me died and that part had his name ALL OVER IT.