too many cups of wine

i arched my back and split my spine into bending into your will
curved myself into something you could tolerate, something you could understand
something you could love
twisted myself into shapes you could fold into the palm of your hands
throw it in the air
and inhale it like smoke from the chimney of the ashes of the woman i used to be
you asked for effort and i built it
i made you breakfast
fried eggs, toast and a cup of tea
meanwhile i had you for breakfast 
taking in every inch of you only to stay hungry
still unfulfilled
still empty with the woulda, coulda, shouldas
and when you smacked me in the sensitive part of my thighs, you didn't smack me hard enough to face reality
it's amazing how deep a man can cut you when he's too busy being shallow
i should have known though
my sex bled emotions i didn't know i was feeling
down to the white meat so smooth and so fast that i didn't even realize i was wounded
but you keep asking me for effort
i have screamed from the top of my lungs that i would give you my last breath
but since you haven't needed it, i haven't had the chance to make good on my word
and you think i write well so my words fall off my shoulders like my black hair when you pull it
but when will you learn that my talent comes from a love deeper than the nails in the foot of your savior?
when will you learn that you tasted my love from the apex of my thighs?
when will you learn that i tasted your love when i welcomed you into my soul?
when will you learn that i don't say i love you nearly as much as i show you?
i have your name tattooed on my wrist just to reiterate the hold you have on me, the shackles you have on me
but you will never know
i could never give you my strength because i've already loved you at my weakest
driven to the edge by the force you so desperately hold on to
you are lost, driven by your ego and molded by your pride
but ego doesn't swallow your potential like i do and your pride has never made your eyes roll in the back of your head
and today as you told me how good i felt, i thought to myself that you are only coming inside of me to leave
i will love you later.