where'd you go

your ego slices through our tension like divorce papers on the desk of our den right across from the family we've put together
our words are heavy with confusion and our eyes are tired from looking for ourselves in each other
you put your hand in the arch of my spine and you still couldn't straighten this sh.t out
i breathe into your mouth hoping to resuscitate your heart back into beating my name
but i've lost you in that moment right before the sun comes up and the moon goes down
in that quick, but painful moment of darkness when the world stops moving while i hover over your chest 
my hopes for us kissing into your collarbone and your body plunging your frustrations into mine
we made love like it was a meal to be consumed instead of a child to be nurtured
yet here we are, full and bloated off of things that will pass right through us
i loved you 
and when i bit my lip, it was only to stop myself from saying i hate you at the very same time
and when our pelvis' aligned like the sun on the horizon, i see myself rising and peeking into bedroom windows looking for loves like ours
but we're so mad
we're so hurt, we're so human
trying to find divinity in diamond rings
trying to find God when you baptize me in your tongue's wetness
something that feels so good shouldn't be so painful
but i dig my nails into your back like your words pierce through my mind
and at the end of the night
all we have left are scars and two different sides of the bed
i loved you in places of myself that were one way streets and dark alleys
in still waters and in tree houses where girls keep their diaries
i loved you in the same places i will bury you just so i can have a chance at living again, at loving wiser and laughing harder
stop coming inside of me just so you can leave.