the single life

it is starting to hit me how single i am.  you know when you tell someone about something that's important to you and they don't even follow up? oh so you just not gon' ask how it went? oh ok.  and we're not even going to get into my decision making or lack thereof for this last month.  i have no idea why i'm doing or not doing certain things.  for instance, i won't call, not because i don't have anything to say, but to prove a point.  i clearly need to sit all the way down, there's a reason i didn't go to law school.  the thing is that breakups aren't always concise and to the point.  sometimes there's a lot of back and forth and sometimes it's all in your mind.  sometimes the other person does in fact want to get back with you but not until they see some sort of progress however the other person is wondering why they should put any effort in at all for someone that's no longer theirs. it's a delicate tug of war when you're trying to figure out how to stay together when you really can't pinpoint why you're not together in the first place.  i don't even know what i've learned from all this. oh. wait. i did learn how to shut the f.ck up. and i learned how to make a point and be ok without repeating it.  we all speak english here, there's no point in professing a love that isn't understood by the receiving party.  and the last thing i learned? 


it is completely ok (and somewhat delusional) to want to be in the same arms of the person bringing you to tears.  i haven't figured out why but it just is. don't be too hard on yourself.  nobody said life would make sense, they just told us that it would be worth it.