cain and abel

i had a dream about two of my brothers last night. one i love and one i don't love so much.  even in the dream, reality was mimicked.  when you spend so much time disregarding another human being's existence, even your subconscious is tired of their ass.  i watched the dream play and watched the cold interaction i shared with the brother i didn't love so much. yet and still, i fed him. i made him a sandwich. and when he left without saying a word, even in my dream i could feel the hurt. which led me to believe that it's not that i don't have feelings toward said brother, it's a type of feeling that hasn't gone away.  probably never will, not when a part of my existence is parallel to his own.  what matters is this...brothers were built to protect and serve, cops, please take note.   but whoever put brothers on earth didn't just put them here to play hide and seek with you or convince you that you were adopted.  they were put here, i believe to be the supplemental parent and the first example on friendship. however, their humanity often times gets in the way of their purpose and they end up being another puzzle piece in your painful picture.  just another boy to break your heart and tell you a lie.

that being said, i have a total of six brothers, some of which i like, some of which i don't and depending on what day you catch me, love is debatable at best.  we are not the perfect pair of siblings. we don't speak on the phone. we don't get together.  in fact, if we saw each other on the street, it might be considered a parade or a domestic violence case.  this is not to say that this synopsis is everyone's relationship with my brothers, just mine. it's my cross to bear alone, even with six of them, it's a cross to bear alone.  and no i'm not okay with that, but i'm stronger for  it.  sometimes our protectors will fail us but our strength will defy the weakness we feel if and when that happens.  we can keep growing, even when everything around us stops.  even when family becomes strangers and enemies, we do not have to engage in war.  sometimes, throwing the white flag is not a surrender but a call to peace. you haven't won but i haven't lost.