love is my neighbor

i'm in the dark part of my creative phase.  i'm wearing a green shirt and white panties.  i'm listening to amy winehouse under pink lights and typing under bubble gum pink fingernails.  gold studs in my ear from h&m, and my hair in a twist. only thing on my face is my dior mascara.  sometimes a text message interrupts amy's symphony.  her voice is creeping through my speakers telling me that love is a losing game when just this week, i decided love isn't a game at all.

are you asking what my green shirt and white panties have to do with this? i like to give visuals.  i want you to see what i see, where i'm going with this and where this dark journey will take me.

he floats through my spirit like smoke through chimneys on christmas
i want to love him again but it's been so good not fraternizing with that friend i call love
we needed our space
so love moved out and i redecorated
even tested out some new furniture and pre-ordered some new ornaments
sometimes we bump into each other on the street
and there's nothing more awkward that seeing someone you've seen naked with clothes on
cuz all you can think about is those clothes off and the next thing you know they are
and love comes back in wishing friends could be lovers
 but lovers lie and friends forgive but enemies remain
and so i travel these sidewalks in search of a new lease
where love can only stay a few nights
so few, that it can't run up the light bill or eat all the food in the fridge
love is only a visitor, sometimes i borrow sugar
from love
to make the loneliness sweet again
and if white is the color of purity then these shouldn't be panties
because calling love over only means we're gonna do dirty things
filthy things
things you can't wash off in a tiled shower or scrub with christmas loofahs
love is a guest
that can only stop by when it's raining and there are no good movies on tv
and love is that guest that your stomach does flips for after they've gone
playing on a thin line of intrigue and familiarity
we know this too well but we don't know it well enough
we pretend well
laughing over mistakes and crying over the ones we were too scared to make
we, love and i are just friends
platonic platonic platonic
should never have a place in the dictionary because it's not even real
it is the illusion that kisses can be only words and sex can only be imagined
oh platonic you are the friend that writes in the honesty box about everything but honesty
and love?
you
you
you breathe me into shapes dancers emulate on stage and in the bedroom
you breathe me into moments i can't remember in the morning because i don't want to spill my cup of coffee thinking about how i let you take a sip the night before
oh love
we've got to do better
we've got to go our separate ways even if the puzzle pieces fit like continents
love
you draw everything out of me like a bank account in overdraft
got fees i can't cover and purchases i can't explain
oh love
you have me spreading myself too thin
trying to make myself feel good for all the bad you do to me
call it masturbating my emotions
all pink lips get wet
and if you could touch me the way i touch me when i go searching for you on sidewalks that stilettos weren't made for
then we'd be more than just friends
we'd be love in rotation cuz you got me in going in circles
oh love
you're an international flight that i could ride for hours if you promise to make me domestic
oh love
right there, don't stop, don't leave just stay for a while
stay until we work this thing out and stay until i become you, in you, all over you
love
don't walk away from something that you have to fall into
i'm so caught up in something that's supposed to be free
oh love
oh love
look what you do to me