pose for the camera.

so my sister i call her my sister cuz the word friend simply isn't enough wants to do photography. she's good too, really good. and no i'm not saying that because i love her. i am one of the most unbiased people you may never meet, if you don't already know me. thank sociology for that.  i've learned and i'm still learning how to separate my emotions from whatever i'm looking at. my job is simply to assess the product/problem/person and deliver my conclusion. the conclusion is she's good.  so good, she had a mini photo shoot yesterday and guess what her subject was, or should i say who? me...the one who HATES taking pictures.  but for her, i had to get over it. she took what felt like a billion shots, but after all was said and done, i probably only liked about twenty. and that's a stretch.  first of all, let me tell you, why i hate taking pictures.  i am very good at feigning happiness. mostly because that's what i want to be, so i pretty much fake it till i achieve it. my fear is that, in pictures, especially when i'm caught off guard, my sadness will be visible.  all it takes is a split second to see the truth.  i'm not saying that i'm completely unhappy with life. i'm saying that 98% of the time i'm indifferent. i leave the other 2% for anger and nowhere in that equation will you find real happiness.  i don't even know why. i think i'm so used to playing the role of protector or trying to make everyone happy that i've become ok with not being happy myself.  i'm fully aware that it's not healthy but i cope with it everyday.  when i'll deal with it? i don't know. maybe one day, i'll attack the true cause but for now i'm not unhappy. i just haven't learned how to be happy.  back to the picture taking. i didn't know what to do. my natural face is usually stuck on stank. if it's not that, then i'm smiling. the other face is somewhere between serious but should have been sexy.  the photo shoot was nerve wracking for both of us. here we were in the middle of new york city, with a photographer and no model, or maybe a model but with no direction. and i need direction. i'm actually very good at following directions. either way, we were missing some key ingredients.  somewhere in the middle of our adventure, we started enjoying ourselves, calling on specific memories that brought her out of her shell and brought out the emotion she wanted me to portray on camera. i can't really say if i did good or not, but i'm sure that she's going to make the photos amazing because that's what she does.  and what did i learn? i have a cute face, but it doesn't matter if i don't use it. smile with your eyes. thanks tyra.