official statement

i'm already shaking my head as i type this. i turned twenty four! twenty four. i don't even know what that means but it felt great, like the actual moment i turned 24.  i was on a city sidewalk in 5 and a half gold shimmery heels, with a creme colored, grecian style, one shoulder dress that barely met my knees.  hair, pin straight and down to my back with flawless makeup, there i was on a new york city sidewalk with people i knew, some i didn't and the urge to pee bacardi superior rum in the nearest bathroom.

and since i believe that the only thing a girl should chase is a shot, i had plenty of them. as i looked around at my entourage friends dressed in all black everything, i could see their sobriety slip away and their inhibitions released.  here they were, some of the most important people in my life, all intriguing, all intelligent, beautiful, handsome and willing to stand on this sidewalk with me.  in that moment, watching all of their faces smiling, laughing and having a good old time, i felt that choosing my cream dress had been the best decision i made that night. because i felt like an angel, blessed and willing to go with these people wherever my wings would take me.

every path i had taken had led me to this sidewalk to celebrate twenty four years of madness, happiness and everything in between.  and i was extremely proud of the woman i had become and the people that got me there.  and why wouldn't i be? there have been so many obstacles, so many nay sayers (that's the old school word for 'haters') so many times where things were just falling apart only to come back together.  so i was proud, counting my blessings or trying to at least, but bacardi is also a blessing that disables you from counting the rest.

that night i danced until music bled through my pores. text messages came flooding in from people i thought forgot i mattered a long time ago. some came in from people i forgot mattered a long time ago. and some messages came in from people that still love me, in spite of everything i am and everything i'm not.

you see, your birthday is unlike any other day. yes, we like to get 'chocolate wasted' and dance till the sun comes up but the truth is that the day you were born was and still is the day a miracle happened. somewhere, whether you like her or not, a woman laid on a table in the most excruciating pain known to wo(man) and recognized by the human race to give you, who was only a naked ball of humanity, a chance to become whatever you could in this world.  a woman put her life on the line just so you could have one.  a lot of people forget that 12% of women still die during childbirth. so in essence, your mother could have done everything wrong after you came out her womb but she did everything right to get you here. she risked her life to give you yours. so your birthday has always been special. you have always been special. and it is entirely up to us what we do with the life we borrowed from our mothers.

what did i do with my borrowed time?  a lot but i'll only name three.
1. i accept responsibility for all the f.cked up things i do (unprotected sex, ignoring sallie mae and breaking someone's heart) i've been known to do all three in the same day.
2. i went BACK to college (for my family) and chose a major that made a difference (for me).
3. in order to understand and appreciate my mother, i became one. (not saying we get along, but at least now i understand why we don't and why sometimes that doesn't even matter).

those are probably the three most important things i've done with my life for now.  hopefully there'll be more to come. anyway, what i'm trying to say is that i had a wonderful time on my birthday. of course i missed a few people, no love lost. but genuinely, i had an amazing time. not only did i celebrate the miracle of my mother being cut open on table twenty four years ago on a hot, summer day, but i celebrated the fact that she raised a woman that these people wanted to celebrate with. it was probably the best gift my mother ever gave me.

pictures coming soon. thank you.