oh philly.

i didn't have my computer for two days and i felt a little guilty.  hoping that no one was checking this website to discover that i hadn't been checking it either.  i had plenty to blog about too. so i'm just going to try to go in chronological order.

i got to philly. and it felt like i was coming home. the kfc/checkers resembled the outside of a cheap club with cheaper outfits.  the potholes knocked the undercarriage of my car. the temple T stood over the city like a horizon. but the most awkward thing about all these things was that it felt like i was coming home. and i was.  broad street had been home for the last six years. i grew up there. college was not only a series of firsts (like my first love or my first roommates) but it had been the place where i made some mistakes over and over again.  sometimes i felt bad about it and sometimes i didn't. i painted my first house. i heard shootouts. i saw fights. i got into fights. i laughed too many times to count. i had sleep overs. i had road trips. i had jobs. i had classes. i had friends. and after moving out three times (apparently i didn't get it right the first time) i was back in philly feeling like my marriage with this city still had too much love to really file for divorce.  granted, i've said i hate philly over and over again. but i don't mean that. philly was my refuge. philly was where i made a home and my own family. philly was there when everywhere else had turned their back. philly took care of me, granted it took its toll on me too but philly is the city i chose to give my best years to and when i look at it, i'm so glad i did.  but here i was again, ready to move out for the final time.  thinking if these walls could talk...they would tell that girl that her boyfriend spent many a night there. they would tell my mom that sometimes i got high to balance out the lows.  they would tell my teachers that of course i didn't study, but they wouldn't have believed i was naturally that smart. they would tell my students that i understood them more than i let on. if those walls could talk ... i wouldn't need this blog. trust.  but those walls can't talk and the secrets i've kept on diamond street will stay there right across the street from papi's bodega, right on the stoop where my man got DVDs! right on my windowsill that sat between poverty and opportunity.  i lived on diamond. a part of me even died there. but the most important part of me is still there - the block where diamonds live. i bow down most graciously, philly. thank you for having me. tears.

i had my infamous hummus platter. love it. over a conversation with some friends where we went over each other's problems. you can't stay faithful. you're too nice. you're living for everyone else but you. and i knew in that moment of harsh honesty, that even if we have a conversation about someone who is not present, we will always tell you to your face.  b.tch you got issues, we talked about it. you're in trouble but we're still here. and we love you and your god damn issues.  truth is the ONLY thing that tastes better than that hummus platter.

i miss tiffany. a lot. especially when i cuddle with melissa and jamira. (yes we cuddle) 

and one last thing. never be with someone just because they want to be with you.