love and sex

met up with a friend yesterday. it was like a rejuvenation i needed. we spoke about shakespeare and sex or rather shakespeare in your ear while you're having sex. apparently it's amazing. we talked about the arts. he's an actor/writer/singer so it only makes sense. so basically, you're gonna see him, hear him and read his work - triple threat. but what's more important is how people view sex and love.

we discovered that you can be happy with someone but there can be someone who is your happiness.  and that right there is emotional suicide...it's going to leave you with questions, it's going to leave you with doubts. it's going to make you wonder if you can ever have a fulfilling relationship with anyone else.  i don't have the answer to that one.  but ironically, i had a similar conversation with the same friend about two months ago.  we don't get over anything traumatic. somebody lied to us and told us that time heals all wounds. nope. hell no. not gonna happen.

it's what we do in that time that may give us a chance at healing.  but honestly, we don't get over anything. how can you? how can you forget or disregard something that caused you so much distress that it was deemed traumatic in the first place.  the truth is, you don't get over it, you get through it.  time gives you more time so that you don't have enough time to dwell on it.  you get through it so that when that certain emotion is triggered, it doesn't handicap you from the rest of life.  for example, if your breakup, ok let's be honest, my breakup...when something reminds me of my previous break up, i've learned to get through it, not over it. some days i'm still mad, some days i'm bitter, some days i'm happy and some days i even think i'm still in love. but EVERY day, i behave like a woman who has moved forward, not on.  i can't control my emotions, as much as i'd like to but i can control my behavior.  so even if today i'm somewhat reminiscent of the relationship because i'm listening to trey songz new single, 'can't be friends,' (between this song and Last Time, trey could have written my book for me) i can stop myself from texting him. i can stop myself from behaving the like the woman who was in that relationship. i choose to behave like a woman in a better different place.  i can choose how i respond to those emotions.  and those emotions will probably never disappear and why would i want them to? if it was love, or that thing that was deeper than love but we're often too shallow to notice, how could it disappear?  i believe love is like energy.  it NEVER goes away, it simply moves from one source to another. i used to be a science major. all that energy i spent being mad or being in love can be used somewhere else on someone else but i have to decide to do that. i have to choose the next source.  and i can.  it will take time, it always takes time but it can be done.

anyway we talked about the dreadful topic of love but sex is equally, if not more, as interesting.  we talked about sex so good that it keeps you coming back in moments you don't expect.  you ever been pushed up against a wall while someone kisses you so deep that the wall feels like it's moving? you ever closed your eyes so long while you're kissing someone that it felt like you were dreaming? you ever kissed someone passionately that you can't remember what food tastes like? that's the kind of sex we talked about.  we talked about the type of sex that mixes itself in with love and suddenly everyone's a poet?  i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that sex can be as powerful as love.  so, the whores out there might want to slow down.  i'm gonna say it one more time because even i have a hard time believing it.

SEX CAN BE AS POWERFUL AS LOVE. that's why humanity depends on it.

he can tell you that he loves me.  if your eyes are good enough, you can probably see that he still loves me.  but you can't feel what we've shared. i can tell by the way he kisses me that he still loves. i can tell by the palm of his hands across my face that he loves me.  i can tell by the moment our bodies connect, that sex is the guilt of love, it is the expression of something so complex that you can ONLY feel it. i'm just saying that if we were as picky with our sex as we were with our love, a lot of things might fall into place a little bit better.  it's obvious, everything is a damn puzzle anyway.