Oh how I've missed you! I've been on this self reflection journey and I've been reading books like my life depends on it. It probably does though. We'll talk about the books later though. That's going to be a long post so look forward to that soon enough. But anyway let's just jump right into my thoughts.
I had been watching him for some time now
Across the dirt road lying in between us like men between warm thighs and women between men and their wives
He had caught my attention wholeheartedly
My heart was beating to his breath
I could count his eyelashes from where I was standing
Wondering how I got so blessed to find an angel on a dirt road
Under the deafening moonlight and the judgmental stars
I wondered if he could even notice me cloaked by midnight's shadows
I had hoped he could smell the chocolate from pupils and salivate with desire to taste the things I saw
I licked my lips in the warm night
Steamier than usual
More sensual than usual
More dominant than I had ever been
I wanted him
Wrapped around me like Christmas time for rich, white folks and like the sun on the backs of poor, black ones
I wanted to feel his fingers count the blocks of my spine until he realized that I was built of something that could be counted on
I wanted to take him into me like scriptures to pastors and commandments to sinners and like bad boys to virgins
I wanted to make the kind of love that women don't tell their daughters about
He had me leaned up watching him on the other side of the road wondering if we were ever gonna be on the same page
If we were ever going to go in the same direction
If we were ever going to go anywhere but here
In this small town with small dreams and big mouths
I wanted to run away with him and carry his kisses in my cheeks to make my face full
I wanted to take him with me like fresh tattoos on the flesh of my back so when I turned, people would know where I was going and nothing about where I came from
I wanted to love him in mysteries only to be unlocked by the hand of Aphrodite herself
I wanted him to tattoo his lips behind my ears so I could always hear his voice
I loved this man from the other side of the world
And when he finally touched me, when he finally kissed me, I stopped breathing
My body trembled with anxiety
While he wiped my hair from my furrowed brow, I left the scent of my shampoo on his pillow
He left his fingerprints on my eyelids
He left my tastebuds on fire
I left my vows on his tongue
When I tell you, I loved that man in a moment sacred enough to make the devil keep a secret
Well, you couldn't even understand
It was just something you had to be there for
And so I carry him with me
In my purse when I'm searching for something greater than myself
When I'm looking for something familiar
When I'm trying to locate something I own
I carry him with in the back of my knees, in the dust of my ribs, in the corners of my lips, underneath my eyelids, on the nape of my neck, in the cherry of my thighs
I carry him with me like the clouds get carried by the sky
I loved him and it was my destiny to tell him so
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