kissing and so much more

had an intense conversation today. one of those, 'separate yourself from this because it's about to go down' conversations. it was one of those honest conversations that you never expect but once it's done, you wondered how you got along without the answers you've recently discovered.

what did we learn?
1. men can talk about sex blatantly. [do you like when i play with your p....?] ask them to talk about their emotions and it's a roundabout excursion. [boy: i don't go to the movies with girls girl: why did you go to the movies with me? boy: i didn't mind] um. what the f.ck? you didn't mind? or is it that you actually like me? it's like pulling teeth when it comes to expressing their emotions.  but we just have to be patient because one relationship is not going to counter everything that man has learned in his 20 some odd years of his existence.
2. men don't like being treated like a piece of meat. who would have thunk it? we [women] don't like it either but we know the feeling all too well. this led us into how being attractive and personable can be both a gift and a curse. when you're attractive, people just think they have a right to hit on you and God forbid if you decline. if you're friendly on top of those good looks, a conversation isn't just a conversation, it's flirting.  um. i don't like you like that, we're at a get together and i'm just being social.  no flirting here.

since guys don't like kissing, i had to add this pic. i don't see who wouldn't like that

3. men don't like kissing. they can do without it. now, i'm having a FEMALE moment. i'm not a fan of kissing. in fact, i'm only kissing you if i'm sleeping with you.  [there's always exceptions to rules but in my defense, that boy caught me off guard]. anyway, if i do kiss you, i'm not sure what i'm saying, but i'm pretty sure i'm saying something. i care about you in some capacity. of course there's different levels for different people but the point is that if i kiss you, we're on some type of level. but are guys really not feeling anything when they kiss? it almost makes me not want to kiss anymore [well not really] but damn.  apparently kissing is a selfless act for the male members of the human species.  he just does it to make her eyes light up.  what a nice gesture for an insensitive one.
4. since i mentioned selfless, that brings us to a huge topic - how we view relationships. the anonymous caller thought i was a hopeless romantic. now i know some hopeless romantics and i certainly do admire them, but i do not fall into that category.  i'm way too deep into sociology and statistics to believe in fairytales, but i don't mind listening if you have one to share.  i think the best part of relationships is the beginning where everyone feels these damn butterflies that i have yet to witness.  the beginning is the best part because for some reason you like the other person without really trying.  you can't really pinpoint why you're drawn to them at first, besides good looks.  after you've established that you like them, i'm not so sure this is romantic.  it's more like you and i making a decision to keep whatever it is that we have, going. at least 98% of the time, it's a concrete decision to make it work.  the other 2% is like 'romance reserve' which is cashed in for valentine's day, birthdays, anniversaries and surprise moments reminding the other person you still give a f.ck.  most of it isn't romantic, not to me at least.  eventually we decided that romance is selfless, doing things for the other person that is a) either out of your comfort zone or b) something that they love, like kissing. and real romance is unique. yes the flowers and chocolates are sweet but knowing the color of my nail polish or knowing that i drink coke and NOT pepsi, is so much more personal.
5. you can make love without being in love, just know that whatever you're making might be the beginning of love in which your heart has not notified your mind yet.  which means that this great sex session might be the foreshadowing to some sh.t you're not even ready for or considering. either way good luck when it all catches up to you.
6. you don't have to give head seven million times to be good at it! quality not quantity. some of us are just really good at following instructions. some of us read the signals and if something works, we just keep doing it.  just because a girl/guy is good at it, that's not an indicator of promiscuity/repetition. just appreciate that you got lucky and quite honestly, how hard could it be?
7. if you can have sex, you can have a conversation. he/she has already seen you naked, the worst part is over. i can't guarantee every conversation is a going to be a good one but if you don't know what's going on, you won't know what to do.
8. girls rank guys like guys rank sports teams. sorry boys. you already know women like categories and we like everything to have a place. that's how we make sense of things and people.  if you're my friend, we are likely to go over passion, performance, equipment, creativity, dialogue and we rate them on a scale of 1 to 10. it sounds crazy but it's all for educational purposes.  we need to know. if it's a good time, we need to know how to make it a great time. sometimes, guys give us something to laugh about but our giggles are not malicious. we just learn how to work around whatever issue(s) that might have come up during the act. all we really want is smooth sailing and the only way to get that is to debrief over the sexual encounter and do better next time.  guys don't do the same thing from what i'm hearing. it's either good p...y or wack p...y. if she went down, that's a plus. if she didn't, she will next time. they go over any highlights and then the conversation is over.
9. don't burn bridges with hoes (his words, not mine).  they make for good entertainment.
10. bachelors have feelings. now i must admit, when he said this, i had to laugh because this was the same man that could do without kissing. since kissing and feelings have a lot to do with one another, i was confused by his own confusion but hey, i digress.

like i said, this was a long conversation and probably an eye opener for both of us. but the most important thing i learned was this: we were on the phone for two hours and twelve minutes and he loved every minute of it (his words, not mine) and so did i.