sweet tooth

rarely do i use the effects on my camera but this is actually pretty cool. the best part? you can't tell how pale i am. it's just a win-win situation. oh and the lollipop? i've always had a sweet tooth but usually i deprive myself so much that i end up going on binges. binges that get me so hyper that i crash and when i wake up the next morning inebriated on sugar, i find all kinds of candy wrappers and paraphernalia in my purse, my pockets, under my pillow, in my medicine cabinet. i mean it's utterly ridiculous and it would be embarrassing if i ever really accepted that emotion in my psychological arsenal.  so i decided to put myself in a multi-step program/checklist to deal with my addiction and to avoid diabetes at the same time. i like to call it the "operation: multitasking sweet tooth."

step 1. admit that i have a problem.

i have a f.cking problem.

step 2. decide to do something about that problem.

i will eat a LITTLE bit of candy every day as to avoid eating pounds of sugar every two weeks.  the candy of my choice? dum dum lollipops and twizzlers.  twizzlers don't even count for real because there's no sugar. oh and for the sake of my cavities and my pending root canal, i will NOT bite into the lollipop. my dentist would be proud.

step 3. put one lollipop in your bag.  i can eat it at any time of the day but that will be the only one i can eat.

step 4. the only time i am allowed two lollipops is if the first lollipop is a mystery flavor to which i do not enjoy such as "root beer" or "tastes so damn disgusting i'm not sure it's a fruit, much less a food."

step 5. if i eat a lollipop in front of my mini me, i must give her one too. if i am tempted to eat the lollipop and i only have one, i must hand it over to her.  because i have a high regard for her health, maybe it will help me realize to have some for my own.

step 6. as for twizzlers, three at a time. twice a week. in the comfort of my own home. it is far too intimate if anyone were to catch me indulging in the goodness of that classic candy.  it would be like letting you watch me orgasm...completely inappropriate if you weren't the reason for the orgasm in the first place.

step 7. the only reward for my good behavior is good health.

and just in case, you don't know how happy candy makes me, look...i'm in pure bliss.