we can't be friends

today is one of those days, where the sound of betrayal feels too familiar and it seems to play itself like someone downloaded it onto my ipod. there i am shuffling back and forth between motives, emotions and behavioral science.  

i've been an advocate for remaining friends after a break up, even the messy ones, given that enough time has passed.  i have never apologized for taking my space, changing my number and passing you by in the street if it meant that my heart would make it out of my mind's ICU.  i believe that recovery is the best thing we can do for ourselves.  whether it's laughter, martinis or just laying in the bed you once shared with the same person that has you crying in it, taking time to heal is necessary.  but when that time is over and you play the role of the platonic ex with the best sex ever, you will find that friendship is a foundation for lovers,  not a band-aid.  we cannot try to hide a scar with the very thing that brought us to the wound itself. trying to be friends after being lovers, especially scorned lovers is something that your mind signed up for without your heart's permission. how can we be friends if honesty is an option? and why is honesty an option? because even though, i'm your friend, you know it would disappoint me if you told me you moved on or went on  a three day vacay with the new girl like we once did.  in trying to spare feelings that friends shouldn't have, we end up in a vicious cycle,  balancing back and forth between the lesser of two evils...be responsible for breaking her heart then or possibly reopening the wound.  so instead, this friendship is full of omission and half-truths to protect the ex that is disguised as a friend.  and we all know that protection of any kind is on 99.97% guaranteed to work, leaving a small percentage of this whole 'good intentions, bad deeds' episode to f.ck up anyway and give birth to some sh.t we're not even ready for, like we ever are.


needless to say, friends and once - lovers are like water and oil. they can co-exist but will they ever be one?