superpowers

i was a sociology major in college and i never thought for a second that it would change my life but it did.  somewhere deep in my studies, started concentrating on interview skills/technique, data research and behavioral analysis.  i spent most of my time people watching for assignments and then working with people to upkeep my stiletto collection.  either way, i was surrounded by people and i studied them, day in and day out.  and now i have these peculiar powers that i cannot exchange and sometimes i would like to.  recently, i had a conversation with a fellow graduate in sociology about how the science of people has affected my life.
for instance, i find it hard to be vulnerable and open to new relationships because i am constantly reading 'him.' we're going to use 'him' for lack of a better term. i find myself forcing to maintain the balance between a conversation and an interview. i find myself trying to ignore his body's signals and concentrate on the words that are coming out of his mouth but if and when they don't line up, i come up with at least three theories, countless problems and possible solutions. that's what i was taught.  and now that's who i am.
sometimes, i want to be the naive girl who can't tell when he's lying or being withdrawn. sometimes, i don't want to figure out the pieces of the puzzle before he gives me all the pieces but that's what i was trained for and now, it's all i can see.  honestly, how do you tell the person you care about that you think they've been sexually abused or you think their childhood is having a negative impact on their intimate relationships? how do you tell someone that is trying to keep it all together for you that you've noticed how broken they truly are?  you can't or at least i can't.  and you know what's the worst part of it? when the science and the emotions stop running perpendicular instead of parallel and i know we're going to crash.
i interviewed one person i was intimate with. and all the science in the world told me he had messed up big time.  he had all the tell tale signs of deceit, omission, regret, shame, deflection but i still loved him.  i saw the crash and walked right towards.  and then got mad at him for betraying me knowing full well that he, nor the science betrayed me. my heart did. but hindsight is 20/20. and according to my friend, i'm still adjusting to my powers. but sometimes i want to bury them so deep so i can fall deeper. just for a moment.