characters: the guru, mike lowry, the camera woman and ms. i look like i'm spanish but i'm not
background information: mike lowry and the camera woman are sleeping together.how typical of mike lowry. in reference to their sexual performance, the guru gives mike lowry all the credit (must be a guy thing). the camera woman, deeply offended by the lack of acknowledgment for her role in the bedroom is shocked that she didn't hear [keyword being: hear] any corrections from mike lowry. she questions mike lowry, who in return feels offended himself because he did correct the guru, whether the camera woman heard it or not. scene.
guru: i tried to tell her, "camera woman, you f.cked up" but you know what keyshia cole, beyonce, tyra banks, madea does now? in his best imitation of a woman's voice: 'is he mad at me? he's really not gonna talk to me?' in regular voice: i thought you was all my single ladies. you had the all my single ladies voice. the guru begins to re-enact the popular dance video by Beyonce for her hit song 'Single Ladies.' Oh oh oh oh oh oh, hand flapping and everything.
the camera woman: now this. laughs hysterically.
mike lowry: like she directly came at me.
the camera woman: when i come at you, you'll know son.
mike lowry: no, when you come at me, you'll know i'll realize that sh.t. i know when i'm gonna get upset so i separate myself from the situation. i know me.
the guru: it was one of our friend's birthday so he got up to go take a shower. in his best imitation of a woman's voice: she's like 'did he really leave? he's not gonna talk to me? oh my gosh.
the camera woman: oh my goodness. i didn't sound like that! laughs.
guru: in his best imitation of a woman's voice: i can't blog anymore. go knock on the door.
mike lowry: ha! did she really say that? wait, did you tell him to knock on the door?
guru: i told her, no he's naked
the camera woman: don't ask me nothing.
mike lowry: she told you to knock on the door, she told you that sh.t? smiles
guru: yes she did.
mike lowry: n.gga if you woulda knocked on the door, i woulda answered the door butt ass nekkid.
guru: then we woulda had a problem. looks over at camera woman. then we would have had a problem.
the camera woman: laughs.
clearly, everyone had to agree to disagree. mike lowry is currently seeking help for his short temper and the camera woman is the only one allowed to knock on the bathroom door during his shower. the guru continued to practice the dance moves from the 'Single Ladies' video until the next scene.
the camera woman: the question of the night is "if a girl is good at oral sex, does she give a lot of it?"
guru: she's done it a lot
mike lowry: i'm not saying she's done it a lot. what i'm saying is first thought, it's just like everything in life. i'm gonna think that you've been practicing, practicing until your perfect. is that so hard to believe? if i'm good at ball, you're gonna say i've been playing ball for a while. if you're good at it, i'm gonna assume you're sucking d.ck you're putting in work. from any male's point of view or any athlete's point of view, to be good at something you have to practice.
guru: you're sucking d.ck. michael jordan ain't wake up dunking.
mike lowry: (insert real name here) sucks good dick!
HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER. THE CAMERA DROPS FOR FIFTEEN SECONDS.
guru: hey! laughs. come on, we're blogging!
mike lowry: hello! lol
ms. i look like i'm spanish but i'm not: laughs. no, you can't say her name like that in the blog.
background information: mike lowry and the camera woman are sleeping together.
guru: i tried to tell her, "camera woman, you f.cked up" but you know what keyshia cole, beyonce, tyra banks, madea does now? in his best imitation of a woman's voice: 'is he mad at me? he's really not gonna talk to me?' in regular voice: i thought you was all my single ladies. you had the all my single ladies voice. the guru begins to re-enact the popular dance video by Beyonce for her hit song 'Single Ladies.' Oh oh oh oh oh oh, hand flapping and everything.
the camera woman: now this. laughs hysterically.
mike lowry: like she directly came at me.
the camera woman: when i come at you, you'll know son.
mike lowry: no, when you come at me, you'll know i'll realize that sh.t. i know when i'm gonna get upset so i separate myself from the situation. i know me.
the guru: it was one of our friend's birthday so he got up to go take a shower. in his best imitation of a woman's voice: she's like 'did he really leave? he's not gonna talk to me? oh my gosh.
the camera woman: oh my goodness. i didn't sound like that! laughs.
guru: in his best imitation of a woman's voice: i can't blog anymore. go knock on the door.
mike lowry: ha! did she really say that? wait, did you tell him to knock on the door?
guru: i told her, no he's naked
the camera woman: don't ask me nothing.
mike lowry: she told you to knock on the door, she told you that sh.t? smiles
guru: yes she did.
mike lowry: n.gga if you woulda knocked on the door, i woulda answered the door butt ass nekkid.
guru: then we woulda had a problem. looks over at camera woman. then we would have had a problem.
the camera woman: laughs.
clearly, everyone had to agree to disagree. mike lowry is currently seeking help for his short temper and the camera woman is the only one allowed to knock on the bathroom door during his shower. the guru continued to practice the dance moves from the 'Single Ladies' video until the next scene.
the camera woman: the question of the night is "if a girl is good at oral sex, does she give a lot of it?"
guru: she's done it a lot
mike lowry: i'm not saying she's done it a lot. what i'm saying is first thought, it's just like everything in life. i'm gonna think that you've been practicing, practicing until your perfect. is that so hard to believe? if i'm good at ball, you're gonna say i've been playing ball for a while. if you're good at it, i'm gonna assume you're sucking d.ck you're putting in work. from any male's point of view or any athlete's point of view, to be good at something you have to practice.
guru: you're sucking d.ck. michael jordan ain't wake up dunking.
mike lowry: (insert real name here) sucks good dick!
HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER. THE CAMERA DROPS FOR FIFTEEN SECONDS.
guru: hey! laughs. come on, we're blogging!
mike lowry: hello! lol
ms. i look like i'm spanish but i'm not: laughs. no, you can't say her name like that in the blog.
mike lowry: ok. laughs. we can start over.
guru: the camera woman sucks good dick! laughs.
mike lowry: the camera woman sucks good dick! laughs.
the camera woman: laughs. i can edit that out. go ahead. i fucking hate you. laughs.
guru: you gonna take out 'the camera woman sucks good dick?'
the camera woman: i can
guru: that's part of our blog, the nerve of you
mike lowry: she sucks good dick that's why i said it. i was like "(insert real name here) what's up?"
mike lowry: how many times she said she suck dick?
guru: roll em!
mike lowry: exactly. she's been doing this son. and i was like 'yo why you lied to me like you sucked dick a handful of times?' she was like, in his best impersonation of the camera woman 'i don't know what you talking about, blah blah blah.' i didn't mean no offense, i said it jokingly too like, girls i know that can suck dick have been sucking dick
the camera woman: the reason i was so offended was because you acted like it was so impossible. if you read or watch whatever, you can learn. it's not that hard.
mike lowry: like brandy said in cinderella 'impossible things happen every day.' [yes, a grown ass man quoted cinderella] you know what i'm saying
guru: it's just like eating the box
the camera woman: no! eating the box is totally different because everyone woman is built different but y'all are all built the same!
guru & mike lowry in unison: no. we're not built the same
guru: every man likes different things when it comes to head.
the guru and mike lowry go into a vivid description of how they respond while receiving oral sex. needless to say mike lowry feels that oral sex is just the beginning. he's not going to let his lady friend get the best of him. he simply cannot succumb (no pun intended) to the woman's talents. the guru on the other hand ejaculates, says he's drunk and tired and takes the loss. he prides himself on being a great loser. the camera woman and ms. i look like i'm spanish but i'm not decide that mike lowry needs to take his losses and accept that a woman has done the damn thing. meanwhile the guru admits he loses a lot. hysterical laughing.
mike lowry: maybe you [camera woman] should be flattered instead of offended. n.ggas get their dick sucked.
guru: yes we do. i do.
mike lowry: like i've gotten my dick sucked more times than i've fucked. real talk.
the camera woman: shakes head. that's disgusting.
guru: no it's not
mike lowry: girls come over just to suck your dick and fuckin' leave
guru: and LEAVE.
the camera woman: that's ridiculous
mike lowry: they'll suck his dick and sleep on the couch. remember her? remember her?
guru: i do remember her!
the camera woman: shoutout to that b.tch
mike lowry: to camera woman you suck dick like girls who suck dick every day.
the camera woman: well...laughs. i'm flattered
guru: if you can suck dick like a girl who sucks dick every day then damn
ms. i look like i'm spanish but i'm not: maybe that means that there's something special about me then
mike lowry: that's what i'm saying, why not take it as a compliment instead of insulting
ms. i look like i'm spanish but i'm not: it's all about delivery though
mike lowry: i can call two girls right now that will suck both of our dicks and go the fuck home with y'all sitting right there
the camera woman: that's riduclous
guru: y'all should leave
the camera woman: i feel like for the girls who do it rarely, they want to do it and that's why it's so much better. i'm doing it because i want to. i'm gonna do it when i feel like it.
ms. i look like i'm spanish but i'm not: exactly
mike lowry: when she [points to camera woman] sucks dick, she does a great job
guru: camera woman?
mike lowry: yes, when camera woman sucks dick, she does a GREAT job
guru: claps
mike lowry to guru: she's up there with those we've been like, she's been sucking dick for a while
guru: like when i came out like "oooooh!"
mike lowry to guru: like that bitch! when you got turned out!
guru: i gotta give you [camera woman] a pound for that sh.t.
mike lowry: he [guru] was like n.gga she sucked my dick! my toes were curling
guru: they were genuinely curling laughs
camera woman: just don't doubt us
mike lowry: i'm saying you suck dick great
guru: it's a badge of honor
camera woman: so do you kiss when you're having sex?
mike lowry & the guru in unison: no
camera woman: what's the deciding factor?
guru: we don't kiss the hoes
mike lowry: but i'm sure you slipped up and kissed a hoe, i know i have like sh.t
guru: yes i have. this bitch caught me. fuck!
mike lowry: shit this bitch kissed me
camera woman: with the exception of the ones that catch you, how do you evade them?
guru: you cradle the head
mike lowry: you lead her
guru: caress the head, you guide her
mike lowry to camera woman: you can't see that?
camera woman: shakes her head
mike lowry: i'm gonna have sex tonight without kissing
guru: got you
camera woman: no you're not. laughs. n.gga shut up
guru: how you know he's not camera woman?
mike lowry: how you know i'm not?
camera woman: laughs. don't get snatched up on film
guru: do you have proof of that camera woman?
camera woman: he [mike lowry] he could try that if he wants to. you could try that.
guru: with who?
mike lowry: what's up? she knows something we don't
guru: i don't know. looks at camera woman. with who?
camera woman: who are you gonna have sex with without kissing tonight?
mike lowry: the girl who's gonna sleep in my bed
camera woman: hmm
guru: as he said i'm going to have sex tonight without kissing, camera woman jumps up, NO he's not.
camera woman: why would you do that? why would you purposely try and fuckin sabotage the experience?
guru: time out. is he having sex with you?
camera woman: laughs. excuse me, the camera woman does not divulge the activities of her va-jay-jay.
guru: then what made you jump up and say, 'no you're not?'
camera woman: i don't believe in sabotaging the experience for a project
mike lowry: you see her [camera woman] slapping her thigh
guru: slaps table. just like we don't believe if you say you're good at giving head and you barely ever give head
camera woman: alright do what ya'll want, believe what you want. just don't get fucked up. don't let today be the day you get fucked up. that's all i'm saying.
after the threats hit the atmosphere, camera woman and ms. i look like i'm spanish but i'm not were surprised to find out that after long periods of sex, when a man is ready to ejaculate, he thinks of someone else instead of his current lover. this led into an uproar from the female participants, such that the guru and mike lowry ran out the room. the camera woman and ms. i look like i'm spanish but i'm not decided to change into pajamas. when all parties calmed down the conversation resumed. soon enough, another argument ensued when the men disclosed with no remorse that it's fucked up but it happens. they tried to compare the female reaction to trey songz, chris brown and idris elba to justify their actions. the females retorted that though they felt the men were attractive, they did not think of them in the bedroom when with their partners. the men soon copped a plea and revealed that neither of them had ever thought of anyone else if and when they slept with the camera woman/ms. i look like i'm spanish but i'm not. smart move. the women were still in shock at the male disregard for the woman right in front of them to which they stood firm in their statement that it happens because sex will eventually get boring with the same person. in an effort to offer some comfort, the guru and mike lowry gave the example of sleeping with a girl but thinking about their girlfriend instead. now that's really fucked up so they thought that once the women knew that little tidbit of information, they would be pleased. the camera woman and ms. i look like i'm spanish but i'm not were in fact, not pleased at all.
when men and women sit down to talk, there's bound to be entertainment. though it's easy to say that we don't speak the same language, that's simply not true. we just have a hard time accepting certain things about the opposite sex. we hear it we don't understand. it will probably stay that way for the rest of earth's existence but the trick is to find a person you're at least willing to understand, especially when you really don't.
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