when the love of your life who's no longer in your life is brought to you by the humorous strands of the cosmic universe, there's absolutely nothing you can do. you'll find yourself on a busy sidewalk or in a car at a stoplight completely enthralled in a man that has halted all bodily functions, breathing included. just imagine for a second, loving someone you don't believe you should love in the first place and then loving him more than life itself. so much so, that a piece of you has died in the wake of his absence. none of it makes logical sense and none of it is what you want. this kind of love was not included in the fairytales. i don't remember cinderella having these problems. her and her prince couldn't be together but in this life there's too many people that just won't for reasons that kings and queens have no stake in.
she was driving her car heavy with furniture, trinkets and miscellaneous containers for a house she didn't even live in. in fact, the man in her passenger seat hadn't lived there either yet. he was still moving from his old place trying to find a middle ground for where he'd been and where he was going. her fingers tapped against the steering wheel doubling as the soundtrack to the conversation she was having with marcus. this had been an eight year courting experience that only turned an initial attraction into a solid friendship. a friendship that shared a few kisses but a lackadaisical passion [if ever such a thing] halted the blossoming of anything further. after spending the entire afternoon trying to turn his new apartment into a home, they had finally gotten the essentials. while playfully arguing who would set up the dvd rack, the car slowed to a stop at a red light.
looking up the street on their way home, she saw him. there he was in the dusk of the day standing there like everyone else. her eyebrows furrowed at the very sight of him. this just couldn't be. that could not have been him standing there. him, who she was still very much in love with. him who barely answered his phone. him who had given her the 'you're too good for me' speech, him, the one him that she considered the one for her. her fingers paused their tapping and gripped the wheel wishing she had a grip on reality instead.
That had to be the longest red light in history. She stared at him in a moment of confusion as he smiled and waved. she wanted to be angry, she wanted to feel betrayed, she wanted to jump out the car and beg him for the answers he had refused to give her. this wasn't supposed to be friendly. they weren't friends anymore. they were two people pretending to be cordial because being angry had gotten exhausting. hey eyes were locked on him not because she couldn't stop staring but rather in fear, for if she blinked her prayers for them to be together would turn into liquid and marcus nor her would ever understand why she would cry when all she had to do was wave back.
but this was the ambush of emotion, loving a man you can't stand, wanting to be with a man that can't be with you, attempting to give someone something they are unable to receive. there would be no answer to the equation in which him and her would ever add up. her tears hid from the night air and her fingertips trembled with anticipation.
she wanted closure and he wanted to say hello.
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