I won this round.

love is concrete. ya dig? 

remember when i went on vacation and i snapped these great pictures? well some things are so nice that you have to do it twice, so i did, with a better camera and my sister on call photographer - the lovely ms. @danigirlbx.  it's the same place but this time at night. a totally different atmosphere.

i didn't know what i was looking for. i was probably looking for anything that would make me turn around and walk away quicker than a hoe from the pulpit. but i had to see for myself.  i had to find out if what he did to me was greater or less than what i would do for him.  it was a balancing act of sorts trying to feel out my own feelings.  liking someone was always complicated for me.  the formula never seemed to work. liking someone was never enough or either too much so i strayed away from it all together.  i could be interested but never smitten.  i mastered the art of physical interest without intimacy, which threw a lot of men off.  it was nearly impossible to fathom a woman being completely disinterested in whatever they had to offer. what girl didn't want a relationship? what girl didn't catch emotions? it was a rude awakening for a few of them, learning that my panties were just as much a priority to me as they were to them.  the look on a man's face when he realizes you don't give a f.ck is a prime example of how you ended up f.cking in the first place. sometimes to gain control, you have to give it up first.  thankfully, that phase has passed. i no longer have the desire to entertain the competition between egotistical male suitors. it's simpler now. if you want me, you just can't have me, none of me, for no other reason than i said so. you could be great. you could be the marrying type. you could love me and my mini me. you could be everything i've wished for. but it's up to me. i'll decide what i want to give you and how. whether you do good or bad, i've already made my decision. so save the antics and the charm. i will give myself to you when i'm ready, but until then, there will be no sneak previews. 

and just like that, i've given myself up for a ransom i'm not so sure he can afford.  this phase is unchartered territory.  and if i could pinpoint whatever he did or didn't do to get me to this point, i would tell you but i have absolutely no idea. all i know is that he made me blush.

i could see my reflection in his dilated pupils. ecstasy traced over his flesh like sweat on damp skin.  this was a familiar feeling in an unfamiliar place.  we were on a bridge suspended above the very things we feared.  with each kiss, we were getting closer to the edge trying to remind ourselves that the fall wouldn't kill us, but rather the sudden stop.  i pressed my lips against his and traced his hairline with my fingernails.  the palms of my hands traced over his skin while our tongues had a conversation with more moans than nouns.  his hands sculpted my body into a warm masterpiece with the pieces of me he had since mastered.  my hips spread over his pelvis and my breasts pressed against his chest.  he pulled me close to him, so close that not even air could squeeze through.  my insides spilled onto him like words we can't get back. "baby, right there. damn. you feel as good as you look. oh my god. you do something so different. just like that. shh. baby. don't stop. keep doing that. just lay back."  i wined and dined on the man before me because the hunger of intrigue had taken over.  he tugged at the very flesh of me mixing pain with pleasure - the ingredients to a feast only we could enjoy.

it's damn near impossible to make vulgar behavior modest.  if perfection were human, we would be its parents. rolling and riding into the horizon of our own bodies. i came over and over again just to come to the conclusion that i had to leave. the line had been crossed, smudged in our sweat and there was no turning back. the chemistry had exploded in our faces and there were fireworks in the palm of our hands, turning everything we touched into gold.  fingers dripped with anticipation good enough to lick off one by one.  my hands traced in between his ribs and i borrowed one because from him, i came, so it was only right. i looked at him through blurry eyes with steam rising from my pores like i had been seeing him for the very first time. he was so deep inside of me that i could no longer blame shallow conversation for this massacre of modesty.  something had happened, something we couldn't control, something we could only bear witness to.

it's safe to say the architecture curves to the architect. i drew him into me like oil paintings to a canvas.  when you're blank, you are easy to occupy.  empty people get full quick  and he had filled every inch of me until my cup runneth over with more than enough liquid to quench his thirst.

and there i was, witnessing art walk through me and thanking whichever god could hear me.  it was there while lying on top of him did i see the transformation between humanity and the divine.  i had pleased him for pleasing me.  

Not even the darkest darkness could stop the tiniest light from shining. If you look closely, to the right of the picture, there we are patiently waiting. Why? Because we were leaving together and that's what you happens when you come together.